I took part in a Secret Santa mug exchange a few years back, and luckily for me, the gal who picked my name was a very funny blogger named Janel Mills.
Janel bought me a “VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA” mug…
…and I use it every. single. day.
Truly, I love this mug. Actually, I don’t just love it. I Woody Allen-in-the-Brooklyn Bridge-scene-from-Annie Hall LURVE it. If I were Jerry Maguire as portrayed by Tom Cruise, this mug would complete me. I want to ring this mug’s doorbell and hold up a sign that says: “TO ME, YOU ARE PERFECT.”
The reasons are many. First, this mug is the ideal size—not too big, not too small, and the handle is just right. Second, the font and colors of the words are straight out of the 1970s, and that’s totally my jam.
But the main reason I love this mug is that it has provided my family and me with a SHIT TON of inappropriate joke fodder. And who couldn’t use a little more blue humor in their life?
Hey, if you’re In the Powder Room reading this right now, chances are pretty good that you enjoy a bit of bawdy humor as well. So here are ten reasons why YOU need a vagina mug, followed by some ideas for where you can get one of your own:
1. When we’re tidying up the kitchen together, there is nothing funnier than hearing one of my kids say, “Mom, can you please put your vagina away?”
2. Likewise, why ask your husband to please bring you another cup of coffee when you can seductively whisper, “Honey, will you please refill my vagina?” Oooh-wee, I didn’t know the man could move that quickly! I’m going to put a “vagina” sticker on my gas tank and bank account next.
3. Having a vagina mug means never having to share, because nobody in my house ever wants to hear me shriek, “That’s MY vagina. Get your own.”
4. Unfortunately, there was that one time my mom was visiting and didn’t have her glasses on, and I caught her using my vagina mug: “Excuse me, but you’re drinking from my vagina.” Needless to say, she never made that mistake again.
5. Speaking of which, drinking from a vagina mug is a real conversation starter (and/or stopper) at the kids’ bus stop. Sorry about that, Claudine—I forgot I was holding my vagina! (Hey, at least that’s one less Jamberry party I’ll have to attend.)
6. On that note, worried about being expected to volunteer on too many PTA committees this year? Just show up while you’re enjoying a hot steamy bev from your vagina. Problem solved!
7. Hosting a special occasion? Nothing says “Salud!” like raising a toast with one’s vagina.
8. Of course, since my vagina mug is my favorite, I do go out of my way to take special care of it. “Please don’t stick my vagina in the dishwasher; it needs to be hand-washed,” is always a real crowd-pleaser.
9. I accidentally left my empty vagina mug on the coffee table the other day and I overheard one of the kids say: “Don’t toss that banana peel in mom’s vagina!” Then they all laughed. The ability to make my kids laugh when I’m not even in the room? Priceless.
10. And best of all, when I invariably misplace my mug in the house, it never gets old to shout out, “Has anyone seen my vagina?”
See? Vagina Mug Club Membership has its privileges. Here are a few places where you can get your very own vagina (related) mug. Cheers!
The Michigan Vagina by Zazzle
Incidentally, Janel is from Michigan, so when she sent me this mug and I saw “Michigan Vagina” on the packing slip, I thought, “Awww! She sent me her state vagina!” But no, it’s actually called that because of Michigan State House Rep. Lisa Brown, who was barred from speaking after using the word “vagina” on the House floor. Of course the only response to that is “VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA!” (Also available as a travel vagina.) Get your own Michigan Vagina here.
Pretty purple vaginas by Redbubble.com
Purple vaginas are available in three different sizes, for obvious reasons.
“Helen has a hopelessly wide set vagina” by Holyflaps
Holyflaps on Etsy has all kinds of hilarious hand-painted vagina china (DOH!) to “Delight Your Friends and Disgust Your Mother In Law.”
Vulva Mugs by PsychoLeo on Etsy
Just like real life, no two are alike! Get one of these gorgeous works of art by PsychoLeo here.
Illustrated Vagina Mug by CafePress
…for those mornings when a picture is worth a thousand vaginas. Get your own illustrated vagina mug here.
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This original piece by Leslie Marinelli was written exclusively for In the Powder Room, a division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC.
(Pssst. We have a whole Pinterest board dedicated to lady bits. Of course we do.)