Edited image © istockphoto.com/sergeyskleznev
I have four sons. I know it looks rather alarming when I’m walking through the store with a boy occupying every possible space in the cart. I get it. What I don’t understand is why people feel that this alone is an open invitation to make obnoxious comments or ask ridiculous questions such as:
1. Are they all yours?
No, I invited a few extra kids who look like mine to come along with me because everyone knows how much faster it is to shop with kids.
2. You must be Catholic.
And you must be an idiot if you think I’m going to discuss my family’s religious beliefs with you.
3. You know what causes that, right?
Do you want me to say it out loud old man? Sex. Sex. Sexy sex. How do you think you got here?
4. You must have your hands full.
Every mother has her hands full. Whether you have one or four kids, regardless of their gender. And if I do indeed have my hands full, then why would I want to stop and chat about how I have my hands full?
5. Were you trying for a girl?
Do you mean at the exact moment of conception? No, I can’t say that is what I was trying for. This takes the cake as the most annoying question I get at least twice a week.
6. Are you going to try for a girl?
Why would I engage in a family planning discussion with a complete stranger? Yes, we are going to try tonight as a matter of fact. Would you like to watch? If you mean that I need a daughter to complete my family, you are wrong.
7. By the time they are teenagers you will have to get a job just to feed them.
Boys like to eat a lot at all ages. Obviously I know this because as you can see, I’m at the grocery store for the third time this week. And by the way, I have a job and surprisingly I earn more money than the cost of groceries.
8. At least you won’t have to pay for a wedding.
Because that is what we are thinking about before they even hit puberty. And we might very well be paying for a wedding, especially if one or all of them are homosexual. Now you’re questioning that Catholic assumption you made earlier, aren’t you?
9. You almost have enough for a baseball team.
Not really. And besides, when was the last time you saw a multigenerational baseball team?
10. Your husband is lucky to have all these boys.
Actually, my husband is lucky because he has four healthy and happy children. The fact that they are boys doesn’t make him any happier than if they were girls. Girls can make fathers happy too. Just ask mine.
I’m all for a friendly exchange in the grocery store, but if you see me let’s just talk about the weather.