This girl is beyond ready to say “goodbye” to summer. The heat made me feel like I was trapped in a hot yoga class. The bugs were conspiring to eat me alive. Sharks were taking over the beaches, and the possibility of getting eaten just wasn’t appealing.
Though, I do have to admit I will miss wearing my perfect bathing suit at the pool…oh wait. Never mind that. That didn’t happen. That NEVER happens.
What I’m saying is that I am so ready to move on. Hello, fall!
Here are 14 reasons why fall is where the fun is at:
1. Let’s get right to all things pumpkin, starting with a million Facebook posts about them. Pumpkin bread, pumpkin beer, pumpkin coffee, pumpkin pajamas, pumpkin tampons, pumpkin candles, pumpkin EVERYTHING. Be sure to enjoy these items now, because it is apparently against the law to buy them any other time of year.
2. Crisp weather and long pants mean that shaving my legs daily is a thing of the past, and the weather is cool enough that my labia don’t feel like they’re constantly stuck together.
3. Fall means I can take a little bit of a fashion break. Goodbye, white pants! So long, uncomfortable strappy sandals! See ya, keeping up with pedicures! The pressure of choosing toenail polish was getting to be too much, anyway. Who needs that kind of stress?
4. Four words: No. More. Sweaty. Armpits. (This includes other people’s sweaty armpits.)
5. Can I get an Amen to getting a nice long break from the shirtless guys mowing lawns who have no business being shirtless?
6. And if you’re giving me an Amen, why not throw in a Hallelujah, because school is finally back in session! The endless weeks of trying to keep kids entertained and busy are over.
7. Speaking of school—soon the clocks will change, and it will be dark before the kids get home. Which means no more arguments with the kids about staying up late because “it’s still light out.” Sorry, kids, but it is 5:00 p.m., dark, and bedtime! Off to dreamland you go! This new development also coincides happily with cocktail hour. Pumpkin martinis, anyone?
8. The start of fall also means it’s time for all things Pinterest. Sure, we may screw up every single project, but it’s the thought that counts, right? I’m looking at you, fall wreaths!
9. Hey, husband! Break out the fire pit so I can roast as many marshmallows as I want and eat all the gooey, yummy S’mores I can handle. I can put on all kinds of weight and no one will know. Why, you ask? Because sweaters are back! That’s why.
10. Football season is also back! For me, it’s all about the nachos and appetizers that go with watching this sport. Also, the hot guys running around in tight uniforms.
11. And if nachos and hot guys aren’t enough reason to love the season, TV shows have returned! Just in time, too, because I don’t think my husband and I could survive another night of reruns—or worse…real conversations (shudder). I can finally find out who survived that cliffhanger car crash and, more importantly, live vicariously through fictional sex lives.
12. Come the start of autumn, it’s time to bring out those amazing decorations! Watch your neighborhood come alive with frightening Halloween gear and “VOTE” signs for upcoming elections. Nothing is scarier than witches and politicians.
13. Halloween is truly the best time of the year. It is so much fun to get dressed up and go trick-or-treating! I just may be that mom who steals all the Snickers from her kids. It’s a personal sacrifice that saves my children from future cavities.
14. Speaking of holidays, who doesn’t love Thanksgiving? Families are grateful for turkey, mashed potatoes, pecan pie, and as an afterthought, all the important people in their lives. They are also thankful for Black Friday sales on yoga pants and maternity shirts, so that they can actually fit into some clothes after Thanksgiving’s excesses.
So what are you waiting for? Get out your fall-colored clothes and boots. Hit the pumpkin patch and start decorating. And most importantly—don’t forget the pumpkin spice martini!