Is your teen uncommunicative? Won’t say word one to you about high school? Unwilling to look up from her phone to even say hello? Perhaps some well-timed texts from Back to School Night will get her attention. Be sure not to respond to her—it’s your turn, mama. Here’s fifteen torturous light-hearted messages she’s sure to notice.
RELATED: THE FIRST RULE OF MOM CLUB
1. Remember how sad you were when no one decorated your locker on your 11th bday? Me too. Somebody’s in for a pretty-in-pink treat tomorrow. #HeartStreamersRule! XO
2. Your math teacher thought you all were too old for parent helpers but you know how I love me some Algebra II. See you Mon/Wed at 7:40 a.m.
3. Make that 6:55 a.m., they’re letting me ride the school bus in the mornings! I’ll just Prancercise home after math.
4. Surprised to learn there’s no Lice-Free Teens Club here. WTH, right?! (#WhatTheHeck J) Recruiting posters are up near main entrance. Used your phone as contact.
5. The cafeteria is understaffed, so I volunteered you for Friday lunches. Your homeroom teacher has your hairnet.
6. Good news: your gym teacher Mr. K asked for a volunteer to dance in PE . . . guess who got up there and raised the roof?!
7. Bad news: I did have to talk to Mr. K about inappropriate song choice (that Katy Perry has a mouth on her). He kind of got in my face about it.
8. Good news: so glad I paid attention at your brother’s Taekwondo class; I sure surprised Mr. K in our little scuffle. More good news: he promised he wouldn’t take any of this out on you.
9. Bad news: apparently you can get sent to the principal’s office on back-to-school night.
10. Good news: my book club bailed me out! Lisa made up something about me being slightly unstable. Yay Lisa! Off to find band room, it’s definitely not the unmarked door behind the main office. #YourPrincipalDrinks
11. The Band teacher just brought up the end-of-year amusement park field trip. I suggested a state park instead. She loved it. Jamming with nature rocks, IKR?!
12. You didn’t tell me you were studying irony in English. Remember that time we went camping and you had to pee at 3:00 a.m. and used pages from Tender is the Night as toilet paper? Guess which story made the whiteboard!
13. I had the parents LOAAO (Laughing Our Adam’s Apples Off) in chorus sharing some of your misheard lyrics. Bonus: the cute surfer-looking blond boy who was helping out thinks he knows you. And he got great video.
14. Guess who got selfies with all your teachers?! I’m calling them “Us-ies.” #InstagramWithNewFriends! #ExceptMrK
15. Looks like a great year, honey. I love your Health and Human Relations (wink, wink!) teacher; just invited her to join my book club. I’ll read your 78 texts later. Off to share your baby pictures with the yearbook staff.