EDITORS’ NOTE: We’re In the Powder Room today with “Ask a Man,” our monthly feature in which a MAN (gasp!) joins us in the stalls so we can ask him a bunch of crazy questions!
This month’s “Ask a Man” guest is author, humorist, and true romantic Rodney Lacroix! Rodney has authored three humor books, all of which have been hailed as genius by such notables as Jen Mann, Jenny Lawson, Jenny McCarthy, and probably other people with some variant of the name Jennifer. You can find Rodney at http://rodneylacroix.com.
Melanie Loveday Madamba (The Not So Super Mom): I understand you have a teenager. What’s your preferred method of parenting her? Choose one:
- “Do as I say, not as I do.”
- “Do what you want as long as you don’t get in trouble.”
- “Go ask your mother.”
Rodney: My preferred parenting method for my teen is mainly just remembering that I, too, was once a teenager. Then I send her to her room and take away all the electronics and lock the liquor cabinet and yell WHAT ARE YOU DOING every thirty seconds to make sure she’s not doing even a small fraction of the crap I did.
Sarah Halsall del Rio (est. 1975): I’m jealous because my relationship with Justin Guarini is not nearly as intimate as yours. How far have you guys taken it? Direct messages? Phone calls? Texts? Sword fighting? Nudes?
Rodney: I talk to Justin fairly often, but he’s a busy guy. I can tell you, though, that he is ridiculously nice and his hair is as soft to the touch as you’d think. I feel you can garner your own conclusions from that.
Amy Wruble (Carriage Before Marriage): How long can a man go without sex before he starts to resent his wife? Asking for a friend.
Rodney: Forty-two minutes.
Lisa Kanarek (Working Naked): My teenage son thinks it’s funny to pick me up like a totem pole and carry me around the house, but I can’t get him to pick up his room. Do you have any suggestions?
Rodney: I think you mean that he picks you up like a caber in the Highland games. At this point I would maybe just buy him a kilt and be done with it. Chicks love guys in kilts who can lift giant poles, so really the only thing you’d have to worry about is becoming a grandma really early.
Shit like this is why I don’t have an advice column.
Ali Solomon (Wiggle Room): Growing up, who was your comedic role model? If you ran into him or her while in line at Home Depot, what would you say?
Rodney: My main comedic role model was Sam Kinison—raw, funny, HONEST, and non-politically correct. He was everything I am, and I miss the guy.
That said, if I ran into him at Home Depot, I’m pretty sure he’d be really decomposed. So I’d most likely just go OMG SAM KINI[vomits everywhere]
Elizabeth Hamilton-Argyropoulos (Bourgeois Alien): How did you become so romantic? Were you born that way? Rodney, were you a romantic baby?
Rodney: A little-known fact is that there was a tie for being the most romantic baby on the planet. For a while, it was a toss-up between romantic baby Rodney and romantic baby Fabio. In the end, he got the hair and height, and I got the rest. True story.
Elizabeth Ryan Catalano (Zoe vs. the Universe): What’s the most romantic thing someone else ever did for you? Also, have you named your pecs?
Rodney: I started playing guitar a couple of years ago (see my music videos here: http://www.RodSucksAtGuitar.com). So my wife got me a framed picture of the two of us, with an engraved guitar pick underneath that said “I’d pick you every time.” She’s terrible at puns, but it was really awesome. So, that.
I don’t have names for my pecs but I’d be willing to have a naming contest for them. They are pretty awesome and I can make them dance. This would usually be considered sexy, but the only song I know all the way from start to finish is The Alphabet Song, so the trick ends up just being really creepy at birthday parties. Although, I do get a lot of great feedback from the moms having wine.
Kate Hall (Hall of Tweets): What are the benefits to being a hot, romantic, diminutive male?
Rodney: The hot and romantic parts get me a lot of action, which can be a mixed blessing because I tire easily. There really is no benefit to being short, other than I’m at boob-height when matched against most women.
Brooke Takhar (missteenussr.com): How would you describe your moves in high school?
Rodney: Are we talking dance moves or sex moves? Actually, it doesn’t matter. If you picture someone doing a cross between “the robot” and breakdancing, that pretty much describes both.
I was actually a pretty big hit with the ladies back then, because I had lots of hair and a mullet. It sounds kind of icky right now until you realize I was in high school from 1982-1986, and even the teachers looked like that.
This original piece was written exclusively for In the Powder Room, a division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC. Featured image © RetroClipArt via depositphotos.com.