When I was pregnant with my first child, I did all the crazy, first-time pregnant mom stuff.
I held speakers up to my baby-bloated belly, blasted Baby Mozart, and hoped that it would increase my child’s SAT scores later in life. I posed nude for pictures, in order to completely capture the divine spirit of myself with child. I ate only the most nutritious foods, to provide brain food for my growing fetus. I checked BabyCenter.com obsessively, to see what shape and size my fetus was each day. I avoided rigorous activity, for fear that my baby would make an early entrance into the world, and it would be all my fault for taking that Zumba class.
However, none of that compares to the insanity of the newest product offered to pregnant women in an attempt to connect with their gestating babies and stimulate their development. A Spanish company has recently invented the Babypod, a device for pregnant women to shove up their vaginas and play music to their unborn babies at 54 decibels.
But here are six things to consider before purchasing “Uterine Beats” by Babypod:
1. Ask yourself: Do I really want music vibrating in my uterine cavity while I’m pregnant? Isn’t there enough going on up there without adding a boom box to the mix?
2. Researchers at Babypod performed a study on a hundred babies and none of them suffered hearing damage from having music blasted at them through their moms’ va-jay-jays. Which is nice, but I might be more comfortable if the study had included a few thousand more babies—or if the phrase “hearing loss” had not been mentioned at all in the marketing materials.
3. Do you feel skeptical when a company wants you to buy a speaker that you insert like a tampon and which must permeate twelve different layers of skin and fat, the placenta, and a bubble of amniotic fluid, to play music to your unborn baby? I do.
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4. Not only can you play music through the music tampon, you can also speak to your baby through this vagina speaker: “Hi, baby. This is Mommy speaking to you through a phone attached to a cord and a hard plastic microphone that I just shoved up my vagina. Yes, it is weird out here.”
5. Research shows that when fetuses are listening to the Babypod, they dance and move their lips and mouths to groove with the music! Studies have proven that their favorite song is “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)” but that “Baby Got Back” was a close second. Thanks to Babypod, your baby will also begin to vocalize in the womb. It says so on their website. If my kids had vocalized to me through the womb, they would have been screaming at me to play “Can’t Feel My Face” for the thousandth time.
6. The Babypod comes with a special carrying case, so you can bring your music tampon with you everywhere you go. When you meet up with friends at lunch, and they want to hear what music you are currently into, just pop that vagina vibrator out and give them a listen. It’s a great way to connect with other moms.
For the low price of $149 Euros ($160 USD), you too can be a super-weird pregnant person that shoves a piece of plastic up your coochie to connect with her unborn baby. But what it seems like you’ll actually get is just one more thing that will make you miserable while pregnant. I suggest you take the $160 you would spend on the Babypod and save it for the kid’s college fund instead—I guarantee it would be a better expenditure of money if you’re interested in encouraging neurological development.
Your child will hear plenty of hollering from you and Adele from the outside.
This original piece by Megan Woolsey was written exclusively for In the Powder Room, a division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC. Featured image © amphoto via depositphotos.com. This post contains an Amazon affiliate link. We do earn a small commission if you purchase through that link, which we use to continue bringing you great content. Thank you for your support of what we do In the Powder Room!