"Spa Treatments for Your What Now?" by @abbyheugel In the Powder Room. women | butt facials | vagacials | beauty | humor

Spa Treatments for Your What Now?

Despite the record cold and snowfall, don’t forget that bathing suit season is just around the corner, ladies!

But don’t worry! If you fear someone is going to get close enough to your ass and your crotch to notice some redness or bumps and you have an extra $200 or so laying around, then there’s still time to schedule your “Vajacial” and “Shiny Hiney” services.

That’s right! Facials for your front and your back doors!

While the term “Vajacial” was trademarked by the Strip Wax Bar in California, other salons around the country now offer fur burger facials. Brazilian waxes have been around for ages, but this revolutionary procedure is begins with a cleanse and anti-bacterial wash of the bikini area, and is followed by an enzyme mask that gets rid of skin cells that trap hairs.

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Next, comes extraction. In the same way that a facial extracts goo from the pores on your face, a Vajacial extracts ingrown hairs with a pair of tweezers. Finally, another mask is applied and voilà! Your cooter is ready for a close-up.

But what about the backside, you say?

They’ve got you (un)covered on that end as well. Started at Skin By Molly, a salon in Brooklyn, the “Shiny Hiney” is “just like a facial, but for your bum” and promises the client will walk away with a firmer, tighter, more toned tush.

For around $85, clients receive a wash with a purifying cleanse, followed by a toner that contains salicylic acid; next comes a manual exfoliation, a steam and a purifying clay mask to remove “assne” and other unsightly blemishes. Before you know it, your skin will be as smooth as a baby’s bottom!

(Although manscaping exists, no mention is made if either of these services are offered to men, most likely because men don’t worry about how smooth the skin on their private parts is. But I would suggest they call it a “Schlong Shine” or “Wax and Wang” if the opportunity presented itself.)

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At any rate, if the idea of someone steaming and peeling your backside in an attempt to make it as smooth as your face freaks you out a bit, just grab a dry brush and some body oil, folks.

Now that’s a treatment I can get behind.

"Spa Treatments for Your What Now?" by @abbyheugel In the Powder Room. women | butt facials | vagacials | beauty | humor

This original piece by Abby Heugel was written exclusively for In the Powder Rooma division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC.  

Image © depositphotos.com/lifeonwhite.

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Abby is a freelance writer, editor and award-winning blogger at AbbyHasIssues.com. Her work has been featured multiple times on The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, YourTango, Thought Catalog, Bustle, XO Jane, In the Powder Room and Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop among others, and has self-published two books of her humor essays available on Amazon. When not online, she can be found eating green things from the ground and running mental marathons in yoga pants. You can also find her in the pages of our bestselling humor anthology, “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

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  1. says

    Omigosh. I should know better than to read this stuff in public. Very tempting to wave my smartphone around and say “look people, a vagacial! ” thanks for the laughs!

  2. Just Keepin' It Real Folks says

    Dang, I love a good ass rub, but never had an ass scrub. The shiney hiney may just be on my new wish list.

  3. says

    I was perfectly okay with the Vagacials and Shiney Heiny treatments until the word “extraction” was used. I’m pretty sure if my Vagacialist tried to extract something from downstairs I would be suing and in therapy.
    Great article though and of course, hilarious!

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