Funny open letter from moms everywhere to Target Changing Rooms via In the Powder Room.

Dear Target Changing Room

Dear Target Changing Room,

I hate you. You are a lying liar and I don’t need your opinion on whether or not I should still be shopping in the juniors’ section. I’ll do what I want.

I naively went to you today with hope in my heart and a few cute flowered dresses under my arm. And maybe a jean vest but we won’t talk about that. Let’s just say I had a momentary lapse of judgment and a crazy flashback to staring at that cool girl in study hall in 1989.

I was feeling okay about myself until you came along. I was feeling great, actually, because I was in Target, without my kids. You heard me. No kids. Just moments before I had been frolicking down the aisles with the freedom that only grandparents can provide in two-hour increments.

And then you came along. You sat there all smug with your “mirrors” pointing at me in every direction. I swear that my body does not look like that at home. Things were lumping where they shouldn’t be lumping and wrinkling and sagging it was just not okay.

I thought that you were my friend, Target Changing Room. I mean, you want me to buy the clothes, right? And I didn’t see any burlap sacks hanging out there, and that was the only thing that I could imagine wearing after I left your cold embrace.

I do have a theory about you. You want me to never go to you again. With your judgments and your snide comments about the appropriateness of two-piece swim wear on a 38-year-old woman. But I have it allllll figured out. You want me to make impulse buys WITHOUT trying anything on, with promises to myself that I will return the item if it doesn’t look right. And the pile of non-returned tank tops and skinny jeans in my closet are all the proof I need.

You’re a cold-hearted bitch, Target Changing Room. I won’t trust you again.

Not Your Friend,

Moms Everywhere

 

This original piece by Joelle Wisler was written exclusively for In the Powder Rooma division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC. Featured image © depositphotos.com/kozzi2. 

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Joelle Wisler is a writer, mother of two and physical therapist living in the mountains of Colorado. She loves to run the crazy trails behind her house but is terrified of getting eaten by a mountain lion. She co-produces Listen To Your Mother, Boulder and writes for various places on the internet including Scary Mommy, The Huffington Post and Mamalode. You can read more on her blog, Running From Mountain Lions, or follow her on Facebook or Twitter (@jowisler).

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