Do Not Sass Talk Your Mother (She is a master in the art of public humiliation.)

Do Not Sass Talk Your Mother

Dear 12-Year-Old Son of Mine,

It is my job to recognize “teachable moments” in your life. Sometimes, I miss the mark. Today, I knocked it out of the ballpark.

The next time you consider rolling your eyes and smart talking the mother who carried you for nine months and pushed out all 11 pounds and 8 ounces of you, remember this:

Remember that I love you.

Remember that I have held your hand while a doctor stitched you up.

Remember that I have cheered for you at 8,932 sporting events.

Remember that I read Goodnight Moon to you 461 times…everyday for six months.

Remember that I pretended not to notice when you fed your Brussels sprouts to the dog.

Remember that I gave you the last ice cream bar.

Remember today.

Today—the day that you eye rolled so hard that your eyeballs almost fell out of your head and the tone in your voice was worse than the words you spoke. I recognized the “duh” tone from my own teenage voice.

I was so taken aback by your behavior that for once, I was speechless.

You had friends in the car and I prayed for guidance.

Should I deal with this in front of his friends or wait until we are alone? Please, don’t let me kill my child in front of his friends.

Just as I was praying for answers, I received a sign.

Foreigner’s “I Want to Know What Love Is” came on the radio.

Cranking the radio as loud as I could stand, I began to sing. Louder and louder, I sang.

I swayed in my seat. I sang the wrong words. I showed you and your friends my awesome “white girl overbite” move.

I pretended not to notice your horrified face. I waved my hands in the air and sang, “I got to take a little slime. A little slime to make things grosser!”

As I dropped you and your friends off, I called you to my window. I smiled my biggest smile, winked at you and said, “Don’t ever talk to me like that, again.”

I wish you could have known your great grandmother. She had many southern phrases that still play in my head. Today, I heard her say, “That will fix your little red wagon.”

So…what did you learn today? Never underestimate your mother. Never sass talk your mother. And never roll your eyes at your mother—especially in front of your friends.

Do Not Sass Talk Your Mother (She is a master in the art of public humiliation.) Funny story for moms on how to keep sass-talking teenagers in line.


This original piece by Kerry Rossow was written exclusively for In the Powder Rooma division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC.

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Kerry Rossow is a recovering teacher who blogs about life shenanigans, house crashing and house stalking at her blog, Her mother threatens to read that blog so she writes about things like 69, dildos, and her moral shortcomings In the Powder Room. Kerry likes to talk about herself in the third person. Kerry brings shame to her family on a daily basis. Kerry is one of the hilarious co-authors of our new best-selling humor anthology “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth” and co-founder/sho-conspirator of the “That’s What She Said” show.

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  1. Angie says

    I have an 11 year old son. I love using my grandmother’s saying on him. and embarrassing him when his is disrespectful. I am hopeful that one day he will grow out of it!

  2. mia says

    This is an unauthorized picture of me. I don’t know where you got it, but if you don’t take it down, I will sue you. Guaranteed. I guess you just lost a follower. SMH. Funny blog. Use your own damn face.

  3. Dorraine says

    OMG, “that’ll fix your little red wagon”…my mother used to say that when I was a kid! I already embarrass my DD6y :)

  4. Kelley says

    I almost can’t wait until my kids get to this age so that I can use this move. BRILLIANT! I’m actually sitting here daydreaming about it.. I’ll make a mix CD full of truly embarrassing ballads. It’s going to be awesome.

  5. Tardyjay says

    Total. Parenting. Win. My kids are too young for such things. My son being the oldest and he is 7. I can’t wait for these moments. I know life can and will get frustrating with my kids and they will sometimes make me want to bury them up to their heads in sand then sit above them in a chair while I eat a can of beans. But, at the same time, I love those moments when I can turn a potential horrible situation into a life lesson. Not only does it help them but it helps me as well. Good luck fellow parents!

  6. Elizabeth says

    This made me cry. My boy is not quite 3 and I know there’s worse to come.
    Lady, you are a f^*king genius. And gorgeous to boot.

  7. Momma2Brats says

    OMG! This is hilarious!! I did something similar to my daughter when she was about 12. She’s 14 now and knows better than to show her attitude, at least not in front of her friends. Having been raised by my grandmother I know a ton of those phrases. My fav has always been “You done ripped your drawers!” Once Grandma said that you knew you were screwed! LOL

  8. says

    Great article, I passed this on to my daughter who is dealing with her own sassy daughter situation . I wish my kids were younger so I could try this on them when they sassed me. Good Move !

  9. Raelin says

    My 14yo made a mistake sassing me. I was just dropping her off at swim practice at the local college. Cute football players were there. I proceeded to turn on Lucky Star by Madonna and sign it loudly with the windows down and then told her “I love you sweetums, you have a wonderful time angelpoo. Mommy wommy will be back waiter to pick you upsy wupsy!” And started singing again. Oh yes.. now all I do is search for Madonna on my iPod and she is begging for my forgiveness.

  10. says

    I loved stumbling upon this here, but I think I loved it best hearing it from straight from your mouth during the LTYM show… And no Kerry I am not stalking you, it’s just a small blogosphere, I guess.

  11. says

    This is hilarious, and the ultimate disciplinary action. It gets your point across, you don’t feel like a bad guy, and the lesson is mostly likely learned very quickly. Excellent!

  12. says

    Perfect!! I love this so much! My kids are raised. I wish I had thought of this when they were growing up. Perfect! Sharing this for sure.

  13. Sara says

    I will have to remember this when my sweet lil 2 yo boy becomes a smart ass. I also already have pictures that I will have at the ready for when he wants to act like a big man to momma when his friends are around. My favorite is him pushing his sister’s pink princess stroller down the street. His favorite blankie that he will not go anywhere without is called Pinkie. It’s pink! He also sucks on it. I will also have plenty of those pics on hand and be ready to tell his friends about how sweet he was when he would sleep with his pretty pink blanket hanging out of his mouth! He’s my pride and joy and I will do anything for him but DO. NOT disrespect your momma especially to try and make yourself look cool in front of your friends! He’s a smart boy. It shouldn’t take him more than a couple pics and songs to learn his lesson.

  14. Cari says

    oh my gosh!
    This is me!
    Except it’s my daughter. And she was only 10.6 lbs.
    and she’s only 10 yrs old.
    And when I drop her off I roll the window down and yell things like, “bye honey bunny!!! I loves you! Have a fabulous day!” Yes, it’s sick to take pleasure in notifying my daughter. But I have to find pleasure in those small moments.