Don't Be a Halloween Candy Scrooge via In the Powder Room

Don’t be a Halloween Candy Scrooge!

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I like Halloween. It’s true that we tend to go a little overboard at our house, due in part to our somewhat pathologically obsessive neighbor who converts his entire yard and garage into a graveyard and haunted house every year. But if it weren’t for us sticking pirate skeletons in the front yard and hanging pink, voice-activated spiders in the foyer, the rest of the cul-de-sac would just look, you know, silly . . .

For me, Halloween is the start of the holiday season, so it falls into that whole “happy, happy, joy, joy, peace on earth, be good to your fellow man” thing. And if there’s one thing that kind of chaps me, it’s a candy Scrooge.

Problem is, I’m related to several (who will not be identified here so that the remainder of the holiday season can be filled with happy, happy, joy, joy . . . )

The way I see it, Halloween is just like any other time of giving. If you have your porch light on and you’re doling out the candy, then you need to just suck it up and dole out the damn candy. There’s no need to get irked at the following trick-or-treaters:

The new mother with her baby
Of course we all know babies can’t eat candy. Of course we all know this woman’s going to go home and eat all the candy herself. But you remember what your baby’s first Halloween was like. You spent a ridiculous amount of money on a lobster costume and tried to prop your kid up in a pot so you could take adorable photos and write pithy captions in the Shutterfly calendar you were having printed as Christmas gifts for 20 close friends and family members. This woman is in the baby bubble. Just tell her the kid’s adorable and give her the damn chocolate.

The mother with something like five kids
This lady shows up with a cluster of kids, a baby in her arms, and “a bag for the baby.” With this many children, the extent of the baby’s costume may be “stained onesie.” She’s just happy she got out the door before someone else told her they had to go to the bathroom. Trust me. She needs her own bag of candy.

The unadorned teenagers
These are usually boys who are “too old” and “too cool” to trick-or-treat anymore but who’ve been talked into going by girls who dressed up so they’d have an excuse to wear really trashy clothes. Sometimes they don’t even have a bag and just hold out their hands. But at least they’re still being kids. And they aren’t egging your house. Or getting the girl who’s dressed like a sexy president pregnant.

So yes, if you think too hard, it might be irritating to give these people a Snickers bar. But does it really matter? On November 1st, you’ll just be looking at the leftovers and wondering if it’s politically correct to bring that much sugar to a food bank or homeless shelter.

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Tammy Soong is a writer, blogger, podcaster, wife, and mom, from the consistently underrated city of Reno, Nevada. She didn’t take her husband’s last name because that would’ve made her sound like a pole dancer. You can usually find her skulking around her blog, World’s Worst Moms, or on her questionably helpful, always irreverent podcast, Blogging Betties. Connect with her on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.

Keep the conversation going...



  1. Kaly says

    I could not agree more! Who cares? It’s just candy and my kids will be returning with pounds and pounds of it that they will never be able to finish and will get thrown away on December 23rd in a pre-Christams cleaning rampage.

    Although one year there was a middle-aged woman, no costume and she asked me to drop the candy directly in her purse. I was a little taken aback but gave her an extra big handful. Better her hips than mine.

  2. Diem says

    woww! I am guilty on all counts….but you are exactly right on all points…especially re: Halloween being the beginning of the Holiday Season……thank you for shedding (the front porch) light on my “opinions” about my Treaters. I will be greeting them tonight with an entirely new set of googly eyes.

  3. says

    I hate apathetic teenage trick or treaters more than anything, but in defense of sexy presidents everywhere, my Babe-raham Lincoln costume was the shit. (Wayne’s World, yay?)