“If you want to visit the loo for a number two, eat dried apricots.” – Joan
These simple—yet wise, and oh so powerful—words of wisdom were passed down to me by an elderly friend of the family. She, too, had suffered the traumatic (and sometimes dire) effects of chronic constipation.
She’d known what it felt like to be anal retentive, literally. And she had believed herself to be a grumpy person by nature. But really . . . it was just poo. That uptight sourpuss was actually a peaceful ray of sunshine, stifled by the storm clouds of her predicament. And when Joan realized the power of dried apricots, she rediscovered what it felt like to smile and laugh every day. Not just once a week.
Such a jolly old gal, she is.
Joan is very candid and open, as well. So I chatted with her about my own sufferings in the “shit department” of life. She wasn’t at all surprised when I shared with her the details of a 12 day, fecal-free, bender (that happened back in ’02). The kids had simply refused to be dropped off at the pool! Instead, they gathered together, to form one giant kid—a kid that eventually, through sweat and tears made its debut with a glute-splashing cannonball of mammoth proportions. This ordeal was like a heads up for me (and not in a turtle head kinda way). Oh no. I had been given a sneak peak into what it would actually feel like to give birth . . .
Years later, in the hours leading up to the delivery of my first baby, I drew strength from my past experiences. If I could survive the mammoth poo of ’02, I could do this. And I did!
I’m happy to report that the days of stubborn turds are history now. No longer do I writhe in pain, or pass on seconds because I barely had room for firsts. No way! My digestion knows new joys. And I owe thanks for this, and for the many carefree smiles, to Joan and her dried apricot advice.
Joan saved my ass, and for that I’m grateful.
This original piece by Shannon Day was written exclusively for In the Powder Room, a division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC.