I have a confession. At home, I sit down to pee. Like 99% of the time.
Before you lose the crush you might have had on me, let me explain why I choose to sit rather than stand in the bathroom. It’s mainly because of aim. Mine isn’t good. I’m the opposite of Annie Oakley (if Annie Oakley had a dick and was into target-peeing instead of target-shooting). Seeing as how I live alone, I don’t feel like mopping the bathroom tile seven times a day. My male housecleaner (YES, YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY) only shows up twice a month.
(Plus, my cat’s litter box is right next to the toilet, and I don’t want to get into another turf war. The last one ended badly for both of us.)
Fortunately for me, I get to make the choice to sit or stand because I’m a guy. I mean, women can’t stand up to pee even if they want to, right? Wrong! The GoGirl Female Urination Device allows women to piss all over their khakis just like dudes do.
The GoGirl Urination Device works like this: it’s a pink (because duh) rubber funnel. You then position the device between your legs and directly underneath your snizz. (It’s also got a wide mouth in case you have giant genitals.) You know how magicians pour a glass of milk into a funnel made out of newspaper, and the milk disappears? It’s kind of like that. Except it doesn’t disappear, but shoots out in front of you instead of on your Jimmy Choos.
There’s one main problem, and that’s the clothing thing. I suppose you can push your underwear aside during the transaction, but it’s recommended to remove your jeans first. Wearing a skirt is probably the way to go. If your problem is not with the clothes but with the fact that holding the GoGirl grosses you out a little—well, you’re just going to have to clear that hurdle on your own.
But here’s the most important question: where will you actually use this device? Maybe you need to be first in line for the newest iPhone so you’re camping out in front of the Apple Store! Aaaand that’s literally the only reason I can think of for anyone to want to buy this. Otherwise, squatting in a field is the way to go.
True, your mind will be blown the first time you see pee streaming out in front of you. Yes, you’ll pray for snow to attempt “Darlene wuz here!” in the backyard. Try to remember that you’re a lady, however, and nobody wants to see a lady doing guy stuff. We’re gross. You shouldn’t be.
In short, the female pee parts are kind of a headache. If you’re lucky, in your next life you’ll be promoted to man and never have to deal with private part issues again. Well, unless God gives you a tiny wiener. Then, you’re screwed.
This original piece by D.J. Paris was written exclusively for In the Powder Room, a division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC. All GoGirl images courtesy of Go-Girl.com. The opinions of this author do not necessarily represent the views of this website. (Our Editor-in-Chief would actually LOVE to pee standing up when she travels or goes camping and has already placed a GoGirl in her Amazon cart!) Speaking of which, this post contains an Amazon affiliate link, which helps us continue to bring you outstanding content like this. Thank you for your support In the Powder Room!
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