The Hollywood Sigh In the Powder Room is back with another round of snarky celebrity gossip feat. Shia LaBeouf, Randy Quaid, Taylor Swift, & Calvin Harris.

All Aboard the Hot Mess Express

The biggest question in celebrity gossip is whether someone who can’t get their shit together and keep themselves out of the headlines needs therapy, meds, an ass-kicking, or Jesus. Sometimes it seems like the answer is “all of the above,” and that’s where this week’s biggest news busts through the door like the Kool-Aid Man.

Celebrity Justice

First up is Shia LaBeouf. He’s been publicly struggling with his issues for a while. His highlight reel includes a drunken arrest at Studio 54 for interrupting a performance of Cabaret, an in situ performance at a gallery where he invited viewers to abuse him, and, most recently, a second trip to jail—this time in Texas—for public intoxication. According to TMZ, Shia lost his shit when a bar refused entrance to him and his lady friend because they were already blitzed. The couple walked away, but Shia started running up and down the street, right before jaywalking in front of patrol cops. He was taken down to the station, where he reportedly told officers he’s a member of the National Guard and that the LAPD usually lets him go because they killed a friend of his. Get thee to rehab, Shia.

Orange Is the New Black

Moving on to the bearded pile of WTF behind Door #2, please put your hands together for Mr. Randy Quaid. He and his wife Evi, who both have long histories of paranoia and railing against the government, are being held in Vermont on $500,000 bail, awaiting extradition to California where they will face charges of trespassing and failure to appear.

In 2010, the couple was found squatting in the guesthouse of a property they used to own. They were arrested and charged with trashing the place, but skipped town and country, fleeing to Canada after claiming a group of celebrity killers called the “Hollywood Star Whackers” were after them. Evi was granted citizenship in 2012, but the Canadian government stamped a big “no thanks” on Randy’s application before losing track of him. Fast-forward to last week, when Randy was arrested in Montreal and faced deportation, while Evi took to Twitter to denounce the “corrupt” Canadian government and call the officer who arrested her husband “an actual tall midget.”

The Quaids were taken into custody again when they tried to cross the border into the U.S. on Saturday night. Requests to get the bail amount reduced were declined.

Swing Those Handbags

Calvin Harris is mad and he’s not going to take any more jokes about him getting a handy in the back of a Thai massage parlor. Taylor Swift’s man was photographed leaving an economy-priced rub-down parlor, prompting rumors that she dumped his ass for patronizing such a seedy establishment (RIM SHOT.) Calvin didn’t take kindly to the happy ending jokes, and threatened to hit everyone talking shit with a lawsuit. If anything, he should be pissed at himself for all the “Shake It Off” jokes he launched.

This original piece by Megan was written exclusively for In the Powder Rooma division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC. Featured photos in collage (edited) courtesy of Instagram.com/taylorswift,  Twitter.com/eviquaid, and wikimedia commons

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Megan is the founder and writer at The Hollywood Sigh, a no-holds-barred celebrity gossip and entertainment news site. All compliments, complaints and musings on whether or not she and her sense of humor graduated from the fourth grade can be sent to thehollywoodsigh@gmail.com. She can also be found on Twitter (@hollywoodsigh), Instagram (@thehollywoodsigh) and on Facebook.

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