If You Give a Tween a Smart Phone via In the Powder Room

If You Give a Tween a Smart Phone

A cautionary tale, to be read in the style of “If You Give a Pig a Pancake.”

 

If you give a tween a smart phone,
he’s going to ask for a new ring tone.
When you go to find the ring tone,
he’ll likely ask you for new apps.
When they’re downloaded
he’ll pull up his favorite one
and try to text all his friends
to invite them to new games.
When some friends won’t respond
he’ll call them
and explain why they need smart phones.
And then he’ll want you to take him to the mall
to buy more accessories.
All his friends will be there.
Then you’ll have to listen
as the other moms lecture you
for caving on the smart phone.
When they’re done,
you’ll tell them you thought their kids had phones
and they’ll tell you “NO.”
When your kids is done begging for accessories
that you won’t buy
his phone will be dead.
You’ll drag his lying butt home.
He’ll ask if his friends can come along
and you’ll say no.
But reconsider, because then he’ll have something to do
besides the smart phone.
When you finally get home
with a carful of five boys
leaving four happy mothers at the mall
they’ll all run outside to the trampoline,
and throw in a soccer ball too.
Then they’ll find more balls
and leave you to pray no one gets hurt
and when you can’t take it anymore
you call them inside
for hot chocolate.
And chances are
if they sit for more than two minutes
then they’ll all gather around a small device,
and four tweens will want a smart phone.
And you’re still the mom who caved.

 

This original piece by Kristin O’Keefe was written exclusively for In the Powder Rooma division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC. 

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Kristin has worked as a bartender in Scotland and a speechwriter for college presidents. She’s currently a highly underpaid blogger at dreadfullybusy.com and an aspiring novelist. In her spare time she carts her two children around the D.C. metro area in a duct-taped minivan. Kristin’s work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and McSweeney’s. While she is dreadfully busy, she tries to find time to read the work of smart, funny women. That’s a lot of reading.

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