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“Why does he keep touching himself?” my nine-year-old granddaughter asked me while we were giving her six-month-old brother a bath.
“He’s going to scratch himself,” she said, her eyes getting big with worry.
“That’s just what babies do,” I said, “ . . . and big boys and men and pretty much all males of every species, for that matter. They’re always touching themselves.”
“They are?” she asked. “Why?”
“Oh I guess to make sure it’s still there.”
Now her eyes were really big.
Lest I plant the wrong picture in her impressionable mind, I clarified myself. “No, it’s just something they do. It’s not going to fall off.”
And I promptly changed the topic to the little red boat that was floating in the tub. But my mind stayed on the penis issue.
It must be weird having something hanging from your body. Not just one thing, but that whole package. No wonder the fascination. After all, we females are intrigued with our bodies too, but our incredibly gorgeous vaginas aren’t as easy to access.
And that first pubic hair is enough to set off internal fireworks. Unfortunately, that hair is joined by at least a thousand or more and we are faced with the painful reality of having to wax them off so as not to resemble our hairy ancestors. But I guess that’s God’s little trick. What we yearn for when we’re young, involves “high maintenance” later in life.
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Take our periods, for example. We can’t wait for that moment; we have blood, therefore we are woman. But then comes the PMS, the cramping, and having to remember to carry tampons with us at all times. And when we’ve finally learned to live with it—why, we step into the Big Change.
Yep . . . women have their female issues and men have their penises. Men with small ones compensate with fancy cars and big egos. Those with big ones get all cocky in the bedroom.
“Are they really touching it to see if it’s still there?” My granddaughter asked, making her “Ew” face. I guess her mind hadn’t wandered far off our discussion, either.
“No. It’s not going to fall off,” I repeated. “I can promise you that.”
I could also have promised her that some day touching a penis would no longer give her that “Ew” effect. But I’m going to leave that discussion to her mother.