Lies I Told Myself about Baby 2 via In the Powder Room

Lies I Told Myself about Baby #2

I know one thing about babies: they are mysterious. I learned this when my two-year-old was a baby, but I buried this nugget of truth in the recesses of my brain, which is disorganized to begin with. I can barely remember where I put my phone.

I sailed through my second pregnancy, blissfully unaware of what was to come. My carefree life had already been obliterated with the birth of our first child. We’d barely notice the addition of a mere eight to ten pounds worth of additional human in our household. This was what I told myself, along with a few other handy lies . . .

1.) Newborns are easy. They don’t do anything and you can take them anywhere!

What was I smoking?! While it is true they don’t do anything, consequently, you, as the parent, must do everything for them. Burp them, feed them, and change their diapers. If you’re not too busy with the hourly feedings or weekly baths, you can conveniently take them anywhere you want in their carseat. Affectionately known as “the bucket,” this torture device was surely invented by someone who despises parents. You might as well give ergonomics a big fat middle finger every time you take your baby out in one of these.

2.) Big babies are good sleepers.

I used to go around saying this, as if having given birth to one large baby made me a sleep guru. As I predicted, my second baby ended up being big as well, over 9 pounds. But she is not a good sleeper. She is a horrible sleeper, in fact. She wakes up to nurse every two to three hours and sucks like it’s her last meal. I wish there was a way to make her to understand that her cankles alone could sustain her for three weeks.

3.) Nursing is easy!

I nursed one baby easily, so I figured it would be the same with my second. Except my breasts didn’t get the memo that they were supposed to make milk for only one baby. I could have fed my entire block for the first twelve weeks. Every time she latched on, she would pop off within a minute, cough, and wail, milk dribbling out of her mouth. Meanwhile, my exposed nipple would be spraying milk in three separate arcs, soaking me, and anything or anyone within a two-foot radius of me. We repeated this cycle five to six times, then switched sides to do it again, ten times a day. Eventually, my supply backed down. In the meantime, washcloths, burp cloths, hand towels, and dried breast milk littered every surface of our home.

4.) I’ve done this before. I know what I’m doing.

Actually, I remember nothing from the first time. I know that it happened and we all survived but the details are hazy. While I call my mom far less frequently with baby questions this time around, I more than make up for it with frequent calls to my sister, who had a baby just a year ago. Thankfully, she still remembers all the things I forgot over the last couple of years.

5.) We will sleep train when the baby is four months old.

I’m still traumatized from when we sleep trained our toddler over two years ago. Saying you’re going to sleep train and actually doing it are two entirely different things. Definitely the baby will be sleeping through the night before she goes to college. I can’t make promises beyond that.

I’ve told my husband I won’t rule out having a third. What’s one more lie?

"Lies I Told Myself about Baby #2" by @Pam Moore In the Powder Room. parenting | humor | children | babies | motherhood | newborns | nursing | sleep

This original piece by Pam Moore was written exclusively for In the Powder Rooma division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC.  Image © istockphoto.com/skynesher

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Pam Moore lives in Boulder, CO, with her husband, two children and six backyard chickens. She enjoys running, writing, crafting, but not at the same time. She is an occupational therapist and co-producer of Boulder’s Listen To Your Mother Show.

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  1. says

    It is so true we remember much less than we think we will! I’m potty training my fourth now and it is really like i have never done this before. UGH!! (Also explains why my mother, who had three kids, acts like she’s never seen a diaper.) 😉

    • says

      Nina, that is hilarious. I never made the connection before, but that would explain why my father in law holds a baby like it’s a porcupine.

    • says

      I had the same situation with our oldest!! Despite all the sleep training, which we were constantly having to re-do because of travel, sickness, or teething, I was still waking up with her once at night most nights till she was 17 or 18 months old!

  2. says

    Pam–

    Oh, I feel your pain. I thought bringing home my first baby and my second baby was SO hard. I am just not one of those troopers who seem to recover quickly and go about their lives. Actually, who are those people??
    I was incredibly clueless with my first, so that was my harder adjustment for me, but the 2nd was no picnic!!
    ~Julia

    • says

      Thanks, Julia… It’s nice to know I’m not the only one having a hard time! I just feel like the first one is SO built up, like everyone is telling you your life is going to change and you will never be the same again, blah blah blah, and then the 2nd one, you don’t get that as much, and I was just way too blase about the whole thing and now I’m just way more overwhelmed than I ever anticipated I would be!

  3. says

    Our second is due in March and I’m growing increasingly worried. Even with only a 21 month gap I’m sure that I’ve already forgotten just about everything. It was really refreshing to hear that I won’t be on my own when I start dealing with number two in the spring. Thanks!

    • Dom says

      Yeah i have one coming in march and mine will be 19 months and it’s really starting to set in whats going to happen…..very….very……soon! and i just held a 2 week old the other day it was like i was holding a water balloon covered in oil – apparently ive forgotten everything!!

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