Mom When Did You Lose Your Virginity via In the Powder Room

“Mom, when did you lose your virginity?”

Image © depositphotos.com/aremafoto

 

“Hey mom, wanna answer me something?”

That loaded question was a text from my 13-year-old daughter which sent me into a mild panic.

Did I throw away her prized collection of dust bunnies? Was she upset because I may or may not have given away her way-too-tight tees and shorts to Goodwill? I braced for it and replied “Sure what is it?”

Drumroll please . . .

“How old were you when you lost your virginity?”

What? What the . . . HUH?? Yikes. She was 13 and single. Why would she need to know that? And via text? While I was at work?!

Well, apparently she had been creepin’ through my blog and stumbled upon a Q & A post—specifically, question #6, “How old were you when you lost your virginity?” My answer in that post was a lie. Who knew my kids actually DO read my blog? I should (clean) start putting (your) subliminal messages (room) hidden in text. That (bake) might (me) actually (cupcakes) work (now)!

So since she asked me flat out, and I don’t lie to my kids (Santa and Easter Bunny aside, shut up) I told her. I told her that I was 18 (which is the truth), that it was awful (which it was), not enjoyable at all or special in the least, and that I regretted it almost immediately. It was with the boy who took me to my senior prom. We dated off and on but were never “exclusive.” He lived with his grandmother, who was half senile. We used to party in his basement, all of us, and we paired off when it came time for prom. We fooled around quite a bit but never went all the way, not even on prom night.

But one summer night after I graduated high school, he asked, I did it, and it was less than nothing to write home about. I explained to her that I felt dirty, cheap, and used after giving him my virginity. I told her that your first time should be special, and it should be with someone you love, and someone who loves you back. Mine was not.

Then she asked why I did it. I told her that I really liked him (not love) and I thought he’d like me more if I did it (which he didn’t). What I didn’t tell her, was that right after we did it, his grandmother walked in on us. I was mortified, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I was not only embarrassed to be caught, but devastated that what was supposed to be one of the most special times of my life ended up being one of the worst nights of my life. Right after we got dressed, I asked him to drive me home. And I believe that was probably one of the last times I ever spoke to him.

At 13, she knows that she is nowhere near ready for that step, and wants to wait until she’s married. I told her that as her mother, I know that she will make mistakes and that she will learn from them. But I also want her to learn from the mistakes I’ve made because I’d love to save her from making the same heartbreaking mistakes. And I told her that losing your virginity with someone you love, who loves you back, doing it for the right reason, isn’t a mistake. But my reasons were wrong, and I will always regret it. And do you know what she said in reply? My 13-year-old daughter said this:

“Don’t live with regrets, everything happens for a reason.”

 

Never miss a thing. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter.

 

Teri Biebel is a working mom of two teenage daughters. She is a writer, a ranter, a fan-girl and has a huge crush on Mike Rowe. You can find her at the blog Snarkfest.

Keep the conversation going...

comments

Comments

  1. says

    Awwww, you almost made me cry. But 1 question, Did this all transpire through texts? B/c if so, I may be able to handle the subject w/ my daughter. I can’t believe your daughter A) asked you and B) asked via text. WTH is wrong w/ kids these days? You handled it beautifully. Also, tell her I said, she has to wait until she gets married.

    • says

      Totally done by text. No one was more surprised by it than I was. We discussed it at length when I got home but that day, all of that was through texts.

    • says

      Totally happened by text. No one was more surprised than I was. She’s most definitely waiting til marriage…….or going into the convent.

  2. says

    First of all, that’s a pretty amazing article you shared. I had nooooooo idea kids would ask that sort of question of their parent (I STILL believe I was born in a cabbage patch…my parents did not have sex…never have).
    Secondly, your response was so great. One of my favorite memories growing up is how honest my parents were with me about everything. I appreciated that in the long-run.

    • says

      Thanks Cary. It wasn’t something I expected so I was stunned to say the least but she deserved the truth. Beyond the tooth fairy and Santa Claus, I do think kids deserve the truth, when they are mature enough to handle it. Thank you so much for reading!

  3. says

    Oh my goodness. So sorry your first time was so awful. My dad walked in on me and my then boyfriend once (I was 20) and to this day my cheeks burn when I think about it.

    Also, your daughter is very wise for her age.

  4. says

    Oh my gosh, your daughter sounds brilliant. Kind of like the time I bleached the sh*t out of my hair (myself) and turned it orange and my 3-year-old (at the time) seriously said to me, “Don’t cry, Mom. This will pass.” I told him that only worked if it wouldn’t take a year “to pass” as my hair grew out. Thank God I found a good and patient hairdresser who fixed it for me the next day. I love this story, Teri!

  5. says

    Wow, I hope I’ll be as poised and honest someday when my daughter asks questions like this. I had a lot of Catholic guilt growing up and I don’t want her to be that way, but, of course, I also want her to wait. Can’t believe this was all by text. Hmmm. Maybe I will do the sex talk this way. Note to self to start screening her calls, whenever she gets a phone.

    • says

      Oh they KILLED me with the Catholic guilt. Luckily I was able to overcome that and throw chastity to the wind.

      Please make no mistake, the conversation WAS all via text but we did discuss this at-length in person later, in case there were any issues that a text just couldn’t resolve.

  6. says

    So Teri, not only are you hilarious in a snark-awesome way, the interviewer of THE Mike Rowe, but you also win at parenting? Dayum Lady, is there anything you do suck at?

    Whatever else you may do, keep doing whatever you are doing now with your lovely girls. They win life because you are their mom.

  7. says

    Teri,
    Such an honest/funny/moving piece. Hit me on several levels. A question for you: did your daughter read it and if so, what did she think of this blog post? I struggle with that sometimes as a writer/blogger–how much to share about my teen and about me as a teen (bet we could trade good stories!). The toddler stories are a lot easier to tell…but posts like this are what I’ll think about for a good while. Thanks for sharing.
    Kristin

    • says

      Kristin I honestly don’t know if she’s read this post. They surprise me sometimes. They don’t read my stuff on a regular basis but sometimes out of the blue they’ll question me about something I’ve written. I’ve backed off of complaining about them quite a bit though. That doesn’t mean they’re not pains in my ass, it just means I don’t write about it with the same gusto as before. These are the same kids who will be picking out my nursing home.

Leave a Reply to Kristin O'Keefe Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *