5 Reasons We Should Move Valentines Day to June

5 Reasons We Should Move Valentine’s Day to June

Tonight, as I prepared to pull a bowl of molten-hot chili from the microwave, I almost couldn’t fit my chubby little paw into an oven mitt. A freaking oven mitt, you guys. Oven mitts, one would think, should be one-size-fits-all, but sadly, it turns out that they’re judgy little assholes. This is a tough time of year. I know that I should do better in the healthy eating and exercise departments, but it’s so cold outside. I would much rather crawl into a Snuggie and hibernate than think about getting myself into shape. I figure I’ll worry about that in May, when swimsuit season looms before me like a taunting and terrifying gym teacher.

And that, folks, is just one very good reason that Valentine’s Day, a day devoted to all things romantic and sexy, should not happen in February, arguably the least sexy month of them all.

If my oven mitt debacle isn’t enough evidence on its own, don’t worry. I’ve got more. I give you the following five reasons that Valentine’s Day should officially be moved to some lovelier month, like, oh I don’t know, June.

1. The four food groups of February are beer, cheese, bread, and bread. February is a month for eating like Hobbits, and you know what’s not sexy? Hobbits. June, on the other hand, is a month when instead of whole loaves of bread and buckets of cheese soup, we eat things like fish tacos for dinner. And if fish tacos don’t just scream SEX, then I don’t know what does.

2. Let me tell you a little secret. I was recently out of razor blades for almost a month. When I finally got around to ordering new ones, I took to the shower for days. It was exhausting. In June, however, I generally keep everything fresh as a daisy and slick as a whistle. Because shorts. And swimsuits. Which no one wants or needs in February.

3. Valentine’s Day is a flower-centric holiday. Like it or not, ladies all over the world receive bunches of begonias and truckloads of tulips. Red roses, the symbol of true love, are the old stand-by, and florists probably curse the thorny things by the time Valentine’s Day is over. Guess what flowers are actually in season in June? Red freaking roses. Also all the flowers that are not at all in season in the middle of darkest winter. So it would, in fact, be better for the environment if the flowery day of love were moved to June.

4. February = flu season. Is there anything less sexy than phlegm? I didn’t think so.

5. And finally, it’s warm in June. After a romantic fish taco dinner, you can stroll, hand-in-hand with your lover, down some adorably cobblestoned street. You can lick artisanal gelato from each other’s fingers while a warm summer breeze playfully lifts your skirt. Which you’re wearing with confidence because it’s June and you have plenty of razor blades on hand. Damn that’s romantic. You can’t do that in February. February is the worst.

So what do you say? Shall we just go ahead and move Valentine’s Day out of February’s cold, dead hands and into the warm embrace of June? That will at least give me a few months to work on fitting into my sexiest oven mitts.

 

This original piece by Kate Parlin was written exclusively for In the Powder Rooma division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC. Featured photo (edited) © voyagerix/istockphoto.com.  

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Kate Parlin is a writer and mom of three girls, two of whom are twins. She is a former high school English teacher who now uses her love of words to chronicle her parenting adventures—the funny, the frustrating, and the infuriating—at her blog, Shakespeare’s Mom. Her writing has been featured online at The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy and Redbook, and in print in Pregnancy and Newborn Magazine and the Australian publication, Peninsula Kids. She lives in Maine with her husband, their gaggle of girls, and two ridiculous dogs. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter (@ShakespearesMom).

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  1. says

    Does this mean I would have to shave in the Summer too? Oh, I kid. I think you make a good case for moving it. Definitely not gonna be too sexy around here since I have a good old cold right now!

    • says

      Did you ever see that episode of Friends where Monica has a gross cold but tries to be all seductive with her tissues and her bathrobe? It’s proof of the un-sexiness of colds. I hope you feel better soon. Just stay in bed and eat chocolate tomorrow.

  2. says

    Phlegm and hobbit-like activity are both romance killers, for sure. It’s the season for flannel pjs with penguins on them and onsies- without butt flaps. Great piece!

  3. says

    My husband grows me flowers and I wouldn’t want him to waste money on things that die.

    We will be on a beautiful brunch cruise tomorrow is on our gorgeous 80+ degree weather here in San Diego. I wouldn’t dream of not keeping up with the waxes 😉 so no need to move it to June for me!

  4. says

    I’m in MN and, yes, it’s damn cold! So, I approve the June move! I will say, though, my hubby would go for sexy time anytime – even if it meant a little extra fur!

  5. Belinda says

    In Australia, February is Summer. If V Day moved to June we’d be in the same boat you guys are now. I vote we keep it as is. Sorry lol

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