Takeout from Big Wong? Mary Anne has suddenly lost her appetite.
My education on the opposite sex was born on school buses, rumor, and the occasional Penthouse Forum and Playgirl magazines. When I was in high school the first REAL novel I read that I had to hide from my mother was Sweet Savage Love by Kathleen Woodiwiss. I stayed awake nights reading that book, finally finding out about blinding passion, throbbing members and heaving breasts. This formed what my idea of love was and needless to say in years to come I found out the hard (heh heh) way that this was not necessarily the case.
It also never COMPLETELY described in great detail what that throbbing member looked like so I just assumed they were pretty much all the same until my last year of college.
There are no photos of men in Playgirl with an uncircumcised penis.
Nope, nada, nil.
So imagine my surprise when in the heat of a bourbon-induced night at a frat party with my newest boyfriend we decided to get jiggy with it. The khakis came off, the boxers dropped and even though I was full of enough Wild Turkey to kill a horse my first reaction to the THING before me was, “What the HELL is THAT?”
Before my foggy brain was something that was long and rolly and looked like an uncooked Chinese egg roll. This was SO not going to happen. That was NOT like the picture.
So, feigning cramps I whined, “I’m about to toss my cookies, I gotta go,” and I snuck back to my dorm under the cover of darkness.
The next morning I proceeded to investigate.
I had to ask my more “experienced” girlfriends what that was. And I got an ear full. Apparently the uncircumcised penis is basically the same thing as the regular all American penis but with a wrapper on it. It looks like one of those weird toys filled with colored water that you shake and it goes in and out. And according to one girlfriend the sex is WAY better. You lucky ducks.
Circumcision came about in ancient Egypt and in America was primarily used in the 1800s to discourage masturbation and enhance cleanliness. Why they were so worried about guys spanking the monkey in the 1800s is beyond me. Many European men aren’t circumcised and it’s starting to gain favor here.
But it does look like an egg roll. Trust me.
You’ll never look at Chinese food the same way again.
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