On Her Side of the Sheets via In the Powder Room

On Her Side of the Sheets

It never fails to amaze me that people still think women have men beat in the conversation and communication department. I’m here to break some hard news to you ladies…we’re losing that battle. Terribly.

Sexual equality is a conversation.

I’m not talking the right to marry who you want or the right to screw who you want, but the right to be physically sexually free with the same acceptance and awareness and accountability that men have.

Because women haven’t always had that.

This whole acceptance thing of I-can-have-sex-before-I’m-married-and-someone-will-still-want-me idea is pretty new. It’s also really secluded, because not every country in the world has gotten to this place yet.

The awareness of knowing how to protect ourselves, how to be safe and healthy and happy is still a new discussion. How many of you carry of condom with you and how many believe it is the man’s responsibility to bring the protection?

The accountability that still isn’t there, because in a perfect world men and women would share this completely. Sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, heartbreak, and enjoyment would be a weight shared equally among BOTH parties. But in reality, it’s not. Women are still hosting the brunt of that.

Sexual equality is a conversation.

It’s a conversation parents have with their children when they hand their son a box of condoms, but tell their daughter, “No having sex.”

It’s a conversation women have with men when they ask, “Do you have a condom?”

It’s a conversation men have with women when they ask, “Are you on birth control?”

It’s a conversation women have with women when they say, “I acted like such a slut last night.”

It’s a conversation women have with women when they say, “She’s such a whore.”

Ouch, ladies.

We all want those rights to be able to go out, find some guy we’ve got some good chemistry with, and roll around in the sheets for the night. We want the right to do it without waking up in the morning and doing the walk of shame.

But we suck at conversation.

Because on our side of the sheets, we make jokes with our friends and call ourselves “sluts.” We do it, like raising a protective wall around our self-esteem castle, because if we say it first, if we make a joke of it, then it won’t hurt if they say it.

On our side of the sheets, we gossip about a mutual friend. We tell each other, “She slept with him on the first date!” and “Oh my god, can you believe her! What a whore!” And we laugh, because we’ve made it a joke. We hurt and we hold women down, because they did something free with their bodies and it still makes us uncomfortable.

You know what is amazing though? On the other side of the sheets, the one where the man is waking up, this conversation isn’t happening.

He isn’t calling his buddy and saying, “Man, I acted like a slut last night. I barely knew this girl.”

His friend isn’t calling some other guy and saying, “He’s such a whore. Dude, I can’t believe he’d go so low.”

It’s not happening.

Men are better at this conversation, so ladies we better step up our game. We should be building up and celebrating every time a woman steps out of the comfort zone.

On our side of the sheets, there shouldn’t be guilt.

There shouldn’t be disgusting names and lewd jokes.

There shouldn’t be remorse and regret.

Because on their side of the sheets, that conversation isn’t happening.


image credit: istockphoto.com/szacho

Laura A. Lord is the founder of History of a Woman. She is the author of multiple collections, her newest being “Perjury.” Lord has survived domestic abuse, as well as cared for an Alzheimer’s patient, all with a completely inappropriate sense of humor. She also writes for Tipsy Lit, because wine and books go together like fried bologna and string cheese.

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  1. says

    Love this discussion.

    By bringing attention to why people use terms like slut and whore, hopefully one day we’ll see fewer people thinking it’s acceptable full stop. We’ll see more people saying it’s not ok for it to be so widely used in music, movies, college culture etc. It still riles me that the kids movie Dr Seuss – Cat in the Hat with Mike Meyers has an awful joke about a dirty ho (hoe). Blagh.