One woman's hilarious story about the time she overheard her six-year-old son talking about "teabagging." LOL! Parenting | video gaming | sex education | parenting humor

I Overheard My Kids Talking about Teabagging

Recently, while my six-year-old son was hanging out with my thirteen-year-old son and his friend, I overheard him blurt out something about “teabagging.”

What?!

My head was a jumble of scenarios: had my six-year-old been hearing this from his brother? If so, why had his brother been talking about teabagging? Damn media. It’s always their fault! But was this about sex, or right-wing propaganda? Frankly, I couldn’t decide which would be worse.

I may have missed the context, but I’d definitely heard “teabagging.” That, I’d heard.

I shouted, “WHAT!?” to a chorus of laughter. Then: “Where did you hear that?” (I shifted my gaze to the possible culprit.)

Six-year-old: “I don’t know.”

Me: “What do you mean you don’t know? Did you hear it from your brother?”

Silence.

I decided to leave it for the moment, and broach the subject later. To my surprise, my son actually brought it up again first.

Six-year-old: “Remember when I said ‘teabagging?’”

Me: “Yep, Buddy, yes, I sure do. Do you know what it means?”

Six-year-old: “Yeah. It’s when you’re going down on another guy.”

Me: “WHOA!—WHAT?!”

Six-year-old: (Demonstrates by bouncing two fingers up and down on his palm) “It’s when one guy goes up and down on another guy.”

Crossing right-wing propaganda off the list…

Me: “WHAT?!”

Six-year-old: “Why are you getting mad?”

Me: “I’m not mad, Buddy. I’m just trying to understand.”

If my son was talking about what I feared he was talking about, how was I supposed to explain that to a six-year-old? Neither of us was ready for the “when a man and a woman love each other…” talk. And even if we had been, how would I explain the guy-on-guy action? I hoped there was a cartoon diagram I could just point to, because I was pretty sure Schoolhouse Rock! didn’t cover this.

Six-year-old: “It’s when you go up and down on a fresh kill.” (Demonstrates by squatting repeatedly.)

Oh, great. I was raising a pint-sized Dahmer. I decided I’d better nip this in the bud before his first-grade class got more “Show and Tell” than they ever bargained for. So I told my husband that our baby had rather casually mentioned “teabagging.”

He laughed.

Me: “This isn’t funny! Aren’t you the slightest bit concerned? It’s horrifying!”

Husband: “It’s not…”

Me: “Oh, yes it is serious. We need to do something!”

Husband: “No, I mean, his description is accurate.”

Me: “WHAT?! So now it’s about the accuracy of the inappropriateness?”

My husband then explained that “teabagging” was a term used in gaming that referred to the act of pouncing on your opponent triumphantly after killing them.

halo tea bagging

Why hadn’t someone just told me that?

I still wasn’t happy that my six-year-old was playing the kinds of games that use terms like “teabagging” and “fresh kill.” A new rule was put into effect, wherein he now plays games that don’t include cleverly-hidden innuendo.

Crisis averted, I turned my attention to something more benign: Pinterest. I’m thinking I need some of those flavored sugar rimmers.

One mom's hilarious story about overhearing her kids talking about "teabagging" and what she did about it. Parenting humor | video gaming | technology | LOLS

Posted originally on elleroy was here and reprinted with permission by the author In the Powder Rooma division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC. “Cup of Tea” image courtesy of amenic181 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Linda Roy is a writer/musician whose “funny with a soundtrack” humor blog mixes humorous essays with comical songs. She lives in New Jersey with her husband and two boys who swear she’s the female Larry David. A BlogHer Voice of the Year for humor, she is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post and Humor Outcasts. Her work has been featured on numerous websites, including Scary Mommy, In the Powder Room, Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, BLUNT Moms and BlogHer. She is co-author of several anthologies, including the third book in the New York Times bestselling “Pee Alone” series, I STILL Just Want To Pee Alone, as well as the bestselling The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets, and Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor. Connect with her on Facebook, Twitter @lindaroywrites, Pinterest, Google+, Instagram, and laugh at her musicomedy on YouTube. No wonder her family is always running out of clean underwear.

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