In honor of the approaching finale of Mad Men, it’s time for a quiz featuring the mothers on the popular series. It’s in multiple-choice format, ironically underscoring the paucity of choices available to the show’s female characters.
Answer a, b, c, or d, whichever rings most true for your experience, to see which Mad Men mom you most resemble.
1.) When you found out you were pregnant, what did you wish for, a boy or a girl?
a.) A girl so I could mold her into a replica of myself and therefore exorcise the demons of my chilly childhood, I mean, measure up to my own beloved mother, a paragon of womanhood.
b.) A boy. Men have it easier.
c.) I didn’t care either way as long as we moved out of the city to a house where the baby could breathe fresh air with nary a whiff of his or her father’s indiscretions.
d.) I’m not pregnant. I just put on some weight.
2.) Natural childbirth: yes or no?
a.) If by natural you mean in a hospital attended by a gray-haired doctor who administers knock-out drugs while my husband sits in the waiting room smoking a cigar, then yes, I’ll take that.
b.) I could probably do natural, but why let things get messy.
d.) If I ever have kids, maybe. I don’t know why you’re even asking me. I’m a career woman.
3.) Can women have it all?
a.) Some women need to scale down their expectations. Then, yes, you can have it all.
b.) It’d be easier if I were less attractive.
c.) You mean, money and love?
d.) It’d be easier if I were more attractive.
4.) Yoga pants: yes or no?
a) Do they come in tastefully patterned capris? A lady does not show her kneecaps as if she’s some common harlot breeding illegitimate children who later grow up to be irresponsible men who destroy the lives of everyone around them, especially their wives’.
b.) Pants do not flatter my curves.
c.) We don’t do yoga in Cos Cob.
5.) Breast or bottle?
a.) Bottle. Breastfeeding is for the poor and classless. Also, I don’t want to ruin my figure.
b.) Bottle. I don’t want to smother the poor child.
c.) Bottle. I’m not one of those unwashed hippies. Double ew!
d.) None for me, thanks.
6.) What’s the best way to lose the baby weight?
a.) Take your liquor straight.
b.) Three words: More to love.
c.) My friend Midge read in Good Housekeeping about the liquid diet. I’m going to give it a whirl—in my new 3-speed blender!
7.) Work or stay at home?
a.) Stay at home, of course. That’s what every woman wants and anyone who says different is lying.
b.) I am more than my extraordinary biology, thank you very much. Work gives me my identity.
c.) Women who work are just doing it till they can land a man.
d.) Work, of course. I could never stay home like my sister. I mean, if I ever even had a child. Which I didn’t.
You are Betty Draper Francis. You had children because you were supposed to, and they are a reflection of you and your place in society. You often wonder where you went wrong with your daughter. Why can’t she just sit with her knees together and look pretty?
You are Joan Holloway. You are tough, capable, and good in emergencies. There’s not much we can say you don’t already know.
You are Trudy Campbell. You started out a status-conscious Daddy’s Girl but you’ve found motherhood fulfilling and it has given you some backbone and hints of an inner life.
You are Peggy Olson. You are living in denial and hoping your child, aka problem, goes away on its own. You are so overwhelmed by the idea of motherhood you wish you never had a kid and, wait a minute, who says you did? Prove it!