Jul 16
 |
Oh crap
There is something about being in Staples (or any other vast office supplies super store) that makes my five year old son need to poop.
I don't know what it is.
Perhaps the scent of the copy paper, or the fluorescent lighting combined with the visual cue of the maze-like printer ink aisle creates a physiological urge in this child that is nothing short of a Pavlovian response.
It never fails.
The minute we start making our way to the check out line, his stance begins to change. Then his gait becomes a little purposeful.
I always ask him, "Do you need to go to the potty?"
"No," he always replies.
Then he does the classic butt-cheek-clench/penis-pinch maneuver and we are on our way to the back of the store.
We always choose the Ladies' Room together, which he despises.
"But Mom, I (sic) a BOY!"
"Sorry little buddy, you still need help in the potty. And besides, stranger danger!"
I don't like to pull out the big guns of scaring him, but I do it every time to avoid the "I can do it all by myself!" argument.
Let's face it, he totally can't do it all by himself in a public restroom just yet.
Undoubtedly, he will either have trouble with his pants, or the TP dispenser, or reaching the soap, or like last time, the latch in the stall he picks.
I didn't think it could get any worse than seeing my child stick his face in a public toilet to see what was under the rim, but watching him get locked in a stall and having to encourage him to army-man-crawl on the dirty public restroom floor, under the door, on his little belly, is a sight I cannot un-see.
And of course, the soap dispenser was out of soap that day. Nice.
Staples' tagline is "That was easy!" Just once, I'd like to come out of the Staples' ladies room saying the same thing.
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Report Tue Jan 22, 2013 - 12:38 pmThe minute we start making our way to the check out line, his stance begins to change. Then his gait becomes a little purposeful.Reply
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Mon Jul 16, 2012 - 3:22 pm
Before we leave for Target: "Baby girl, and you SURE you got all the pee and poop out?" I get promises and nods and solemn swears. Then she cries "I HAVE AN EMERGENCY POOP!" as soon as the cart if filled with perishables and we're at the polar opposite side of the store. Which means I have to BOLT across the megastore like a flash of red lightning, then spend the whole time we're in there squealing "Just don't touch that! Or that! Or scream 'vulva'. STOP TOUCHING YOUR FACE." It's a good time. But at least I know where to go if she ever gets constipated.Reply -
4 replies, Last reply by poker gratis on Mon Nov 19, 2012 at 4:12 pm
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Report Sat Oct 20, 2012 - 4:33 pmIf you get anymore weird/rude comments, it’s probably from him; so ignore him.Reply
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Report Thu Jul 19, 2012 - 10:53 amNone of your other kids did this? Every time Hellbaby's mama says something about potty training I scream, "NOOOOOOOOO." Seriously, I would much rather change diapers than deal with a preschooler's public toilet fetish/fascination. Or maybe it's just boys who do that. Both of mine did. I advise anyone with young children to wait until they can, I don't know, drive a car, before toilet training.Reply
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Report Wed Jul 18, 2012 - 5:37 pmPublic toilets are really the stuff of nightmares - There is one in our local park that freaks me out. Smells, spiders, mood lighting and unidentifiable wall stains. Soap is invariably absent and toilet paper a sometime affair. Before we went to the park - "Do you need to go to the toilet?" - Always, always, "NO!" - adamant. But invariably, like the invariably absent soap - within ten minutes of park time, there was a firm - and desperate need for a toilet. I should've taught that boy to pee on a tree in public while his little brain was still at the malleable stage.Reply
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Report Tue Jul 17, 2012 - 8:52 amI threaten my kids to avoid all that. But now I cannot un-see your kid doing the army crawl across a public bathroom floor. Please stop going to Staples for all our sakes.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by One Funny Motha on Wed Jul 18, 2012 at 12:09 am
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Mon Jul 16, 2012 - 1:46 pm
Pavlova is something else altogether - it's a meringue. I love the term 'potty'. I would be saying - Do you need a poo? Or do you need the loo? Or do you need a wee wee? Code brown in public loos always tricky. Perhaps you could order your stationary online?Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 17, 2012 at 8:59 am
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Mon Jul 16, 2012 - 8:47 pm
Y'know, my kids never poop anywhere except at home. All 6 of us are like that, which is fine, when you're in town. It's not fine at all when you're 7 days into a 10 day trip and you just realized none of your kids have pooped that entire time. Then they all decide to at a restaurant in Wichita Falls, Texas and spend 30 minutes in there, pooping more than your thought would be their body weight...but it was ok because we don't live in Wichita Falls and only pass through there every couple of years.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 17, 2012 at 8:59 am
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Report Mon Jul 16, 2012 - 9:16 pmNot much longer, I promise! My son was the same way up until a few months ago - then suddenly he was mature enough to go completely on his own. WHAT A RELIEF! Although I will miss inwardly cracking-up over his mortal fear of automatic flush toilets, bwahahaha!!! XD Luckily we discovered that a square of toilet paper over the sensor will make it "safe" to go without the damn thing erupting into a spray of flushing while his little tushie was perched above. :P That ended up being the only way I could EVER get him to sit on an automatic flush toilet.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 17, 2012 at 8:58 am
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Mon Jul 16, 2012 - 7:57 pm
Hey Iris, Only the mother of a boy child can truly appreciate the butt clinch/penis pinch. It will make you laugh as hard as I am one day, I promise.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 17, 2012 at 4:21 am
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Report Mon Jul 16, 2012 - 9:58 pmBOTH my boys have been thru the "gotta go in public" phase. Actually, my 7-yr old is still in it. I think we're coming to the end, but shhhh... don't tell the Universe I said that! I would say it's a boy thing, but I seem to remember my younger sister having a fascination with public bathrooms too, so....Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 17, 2012 at 4:20 am
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Report Mon Jul 16, 2012 - 10:14 pmFor us it is Barnes and Noble bookstores! Actually, ALL bookstores but oddly NOT the library! Must the quiet relaxed nature of a bookstore or the smell of new literature. We can't figure out why not the library.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 17, 2012 at 4:20 am
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Report Mon Jul 16, 2012 - 10:22 pmMy daughter does this, in EVERY public place. WHAT is the facination with public restrooms!? We pray she out grows this!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 17, 2012 at 4:19 am
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Tue Jul 17, 2012 - 12:58 am
Tomorrow won't be the same.... I was that kid - Everywhere we went - every time.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 17, 2012 at 4:18 am
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