Sep 17
 |
When public breastfeeding goes too far
There has been a lot of hullabaloo about breastfeeding lately. TIME Magazine knew what they were doing when they put an attractive, pouty-faced woman breastfeeding her toddler on their cover.
Folks went crazy. From the "breastfeeding is beautiful" crowd to the "I had to scratch out my cornea" crowd, everyone had something to say.
I felt like a loner, hanging out in the "I don't give a shit" crowd.
I had four babies in five years. I was in a lactating coma for six years. No one put me on the cover of a magazine.
I can assure you that my nursing adventures never EVER garnered accusations of "sexualizing breastfeeding"!
My bra size went from a 34B to a 38L.
When the boob buffet closed, I was at a loss.
Truth be told, I still miss it. When I see a nursing mother, I don't think "look at that smokin' hot breast" or "how dare she show her ladies in public!?!?" I sadly think, "I will never breastfeed a baby, again."
Maybe I have breastfeeding PTSD?
That would explain what happened to me at my first blogging conference this summer. I was so nervous that I made a "Top 10 Things NOT To Do At A Conference" list. Apparently, I should have included a #11.
There was a cocktail party the night before the conference started. I was beyond terrified and intimidated and overwhelmed.
These women were the big girl bloggers of bloggers. "Big in the blogosphere" kind of way, not the "big boned" kind of way. I am almost 6 feet tall and I found myself towering over these Polly Pocket sized women.
It was all a blur of introductions and business cards. Before I could say "DIY Blogger" three times, I was being introduced to my favorite blogger. Thee blogger. The holy one.
She was so gracious and kind and humble. I knew that I was smiling like a goon at her and willed myself to speak. For the love of all things holy, SAY SOMETHING!
The admiration society was out in full force. I could hear high praises and lovely compliments flowing freely to this woman.
Just as I thought my face must be permanently frozen in the goon smile, words finally tumbled out of my mouth.
"Well, you are so cute and little! I could just breastfeed you!"
In slow motion, I saw the woman next to me spew wine out her nose. Another horrified bystander stared at me as if I had blown my nose on her shirt.
There was no way to explain that I had breastfeeding PTSD, right?
Finally, I have some words of wisdom about public breastfeeding.
I don't care if you breastfeed or bottle-feed your little darlings.
I don't care how long or how little you feed them.
I don't care if you cover yourself or show yourself.
#11 on my "What NOT To Do At A Conference" list:
Do not offer to breastfeed your esteemed colleagues.
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Comments (75)
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Report Thu May 16, 2013 - 6:42 pmZest is the secret of all beauty. There is no beauty that is attractive without zest.Reply -
Report Tue May 14, 2013 - 6:34 amIt was all a blur of introductions and business cards. Before I could say "DIY Blogger" three times, I was being introduced to my favorite blogger. Thee blogger. The holy one.Reply
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Report Fri May 10, 2013 - 7:42 pmDon't be jealous to see other doing this..If it happen to you then it is due to your fault too...Reply
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Report Fri May 10, 2013 - 11:12 amSuccess consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.Reply
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Report Wed Sep 19, 2012 - 12:12 amHA! So glad you gave me the head's up--will make sure to keep this on the list of "Things not to do so I can appear socially normal" ;)Reply
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4 replies, Last reply by Phen375 on Fri May 10, 2013 at 4:05 am
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Report Wed May 8, 2013 - 3:30 pmYour time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.Reply
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Report Sun May 5, 2013 - 5:44 pmZest is the secret of all beauty. There is no beauty that is attractive without zest.Reply
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Report Tue Apr 23, 2013 - 12:00 amYour web site provided us with valuable info to work on. You’ve done a formidable job and our entire community will be grateful to you.Reply
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Report Fri Apr 19, 2013 - 3:28 pmThis post is good enough to make somebody understand this amazing thing, and I'm sure everyone will appreciate this interesting things. A good blog with exciting content, that's what I need. Thank you for keeping this site.Reply
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Report Fri Apr 19, 2013 - 12:30 pmI need to to thank you for this good read!! I absolutely loved every bit of it. I have you book-marked to check out new things you post…Reply
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Report Tue Sep 18, 2012 - 4:17 pmJust read bearded iris's embarrassing moments entry, followed by this. Is it possible to have laughter-induced asthma? I shall never suffer social anxiety ever again. No, instead I shall hide in the corner dribbling with laughter as I think of you both.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by new years eve 2013 on Tue Apr 16, 2013 at 10:40 pm
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Report Sun Oct 7, 2012 - 12:07 amNow, what I heard you say is, "to make women spew wine out their noses, offer to breastfeed them". I WILL be using that. Thanks!Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by hard on Wed Mar 27, 2013 at 4:13 pm
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Report Thu Feb 28, 2013 - 6:26 pmI must say you clearly explored the subject in savvy style. I love it.Reply
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Report Thu Jan 17, 2013 - 3:32 amO.M.G.!! That is some of the funniest shit I have ever read!! Thank you for totally brightening my day!! :-DReply
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Sat Oct 6, 2012 - 4:41 pm
The non-esteemed colleagues are fair game, though.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Sun Oct 7, 2012 at 5:25 am
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Report Sun Sep 30, 2012 - 11:14 amI've nursed going on my 4th child now and you just made me laugh so hard I have tears streaming down my face!Reply
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3 replies, Last reply by slot machine gratis on Sat Oct 6, 2012 at 4:04 pm
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Report Tue Oct 2, 2012 - 2:14 amWhen I had 16, i was really unsure about the whole breastfeeding thing. But she had no problems nursing and neither did I. I loved it. Especially since I am the laziest white woman on the planet and didnt have to make a bottle at 3 am-just roll over, haul her outta the basket, and let her go to town. I agree with ya-I could care less.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Oct 2, 2012 at 7:18 pm
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Report Tue Oct 2, 2012 - 2:43 amOnce again, you surpass your previous stories. Keep them coming!Reply
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Report Thu Sep 20, 2012 - 10:10 pmAaaaah! I can't believe you said that! But hey, you're alive to tell the story, and you know what? I bet your "esteemed colleague" will always remember you! Anyway, this post is absolutely hilarious. Best. Breastfeeding. Post. Ever.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Fri Sep 21, 2012 at 6:45 pm
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Wed Sep 19, 2012 - 11:26 pm
FINALLY! A post about breastfeeding that doesn't make me want to... well, scratch out my corneas! Because this? Was freaking hilarious. And yes, I think all women can agree with this particular stance on breastfeeding.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Thu Sep 20, 2012 at 12:17 am
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Report Wed Sep 19, 2012 - 9:47 amOh no she didn't! Are you serious? Oh that is too hysterical! I practically had to force #3 daughter to breastfeed. She wanted to sit up and see what the older girls, ages 6 and 8 were doing. By 7 months she would suck just long enough for the milk to come down, then would sit up....looking around. Crap I knew she was my last. I swore I would breastfeed her until she was 2, but alas it was not to be. I grieved for a while....but then DH never touched my breasts ever when I was breastfeeding.....sooooo.....I went from less than an A cup to a C cup when my first milk came in. I woke up asleep on my stomach day 3 and was like what the hell? I woke up with breasts. I was so excited I was showing everyone. Look mom I have boobs!! Still have them, swing low sweet chariot!Reply
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Report Tue Sep 18, 2012 - 8:19 pmI was there for that little bit of comedy gold - it was even funnier in person :) So glad to have met you at the conference, my life is infinitely more humorous with you around.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Wed Sep 19, 2012 at 7:36 am
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Report Wed Sep 19, 2012 - 2:50 amHoney, you can breast feed me any time. I'm about as tall as you are, though, so it probably won't look as cute as it would with a Polly Pocket girl.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Wed Sep 19, 2012 at 7:34 am
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Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 10:09 pmI guess I am a bit warped and my humor is beyond wicked, but that funny! I would have been the one laughing our loud (i would have given real meaning to LOL) when you said that. Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:58 am
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Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 9:40 pmHILARIOUS!!! And now I'm sad that no one has ever offered to breastfeed me.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:57 am
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Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 10:21 pmI remember how horrified you were....and it's still FUNNY!!!! All of it!!! We Love You!!!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:56 am
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Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 10:31 pmOMG OMG! Who I must know who you said this to? You recovered so well and if they know anything about you (Im sure they do now) they are honored you offered this up! HA!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:55 am
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Report Tue Sep 18, 2012 - 1:32 amI TOTALLY would have said the same flippin' thing! I'm 5'11'' and loom ominously over 9/8 of the population at any given time. I will wait in the longer line just to stand behind some dude who is 6'5" and feel petite for a few minutes. Thanks for sharing your humiliation - it's always heartening to hear of another real person (as in, not a damn reality-TV person) being an ass without any effort at all. Love knowing it's not just me! LOLReply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:53 am
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Report Tue Sep 18, 2012 - 1:39 amNow that was funny! Wow, to have been a fly on the wall (or just buzzin' around) :-) I can't say that I miss my nursing days, but I do miss those types of cuddles. And HEY there is nothin' wrong with being 5'10" . . . at least you don't need a step stool to reach your toothbrush! At 5'4" and 1/2 inches I am still part polly pocket even in heels! LOL. Thanks again for the post! ChristinaReply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:51 am
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Report Tue Sep 18, 2012 - 2:34 amListen, when I was at BlogHer, I would have taken you up on it during one of those stretches I couldn't find any potable water. Where were you when I needed some hydration, lady?Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:49 am
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Report Tue Sep 18, 2012 - 4:43 amOh my gosh! I just laughed until I cried!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:47 am
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Tue Sep 18, 2012 - 7:03 am
This is just too funny. I'm sorry it was traumatic for you. I am super short and I would have laughed and not been horrified at all. Some people - just so uptight.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:46 am
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Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 8:23 pm
I think that's one of thee best "this bitch's crazy" awesomeness that I've heard in a long time. It should be promoted up to at least #5. Maybe.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by Lady Estrogen on Mon Sep 17, 2012 at 9:36 pm
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Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 8:27 pmOh My Gosh! How did I miss that? Now I know why all those women were whispering and pointing when your back was turned. Just kidding! Kerry, I love your sense of humor!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Mon Sep 17, 2012 at 9:27 pm
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Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 7:11 pmThis was a great and refreshing angle! Hilarious.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Mon Sep 17, 2012 at 7:36 pm
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Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 7:31 pmOMG, I just spit out my coffee! LMAO! Also, tall women rock! I am 5'10" and often tower over groups of people. I know that feeling well. And, I miss breastfeeding, too. No one told me how much I would miss it. There were times I was SO ready to be done. But once I was, I was so sad.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Mon Sep 17, 2012 at 7:36 pm
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Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 6:28 pmLOL!!! One of the BEST memories of that trip!!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Mon Sep 17, 2012 at 6:56 pm
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