A month by any other name
Here in Australia, we are currently in the month of ‘Ocsober'. Yes, ‘Ocsober'. I don't know why but there's nothing that makes me reach for the wine quicker than the mere mention of ‘Ocsober.' Actually, I do know why. It's because ‘Ocsober' sounds like one of those things that's trying to be much hipper than it actually is like Harrison Ford's earring or Google+ Hangouts.
Don't get me wrong: I'm all for sponsored sobriety...when other people do it. But with so many other months for them to do it in (FebFast, Dry July, Parched March, No-drinks-vember) why do we have to have Ocsober? WHY? It physically hurts me to think of people doing something so worthy in the name of something so naff.
I've therefore decided that the only way to possibly deal with something like ‘Ocsober' next year is to find another, even worse pun on the word ‘October' and then to live out the month by its creed.
A cursory glance at the interwebs has uncovered little gems like Proctober (for anal health), Spocktober (for Trekkies), Glocktober (for glockenspiel enthusiasts), Och-tober (Scottish Pride Month), and Fucktober (self-explanatory). None, however, feel that relevant or appealing... except maybe Fucktober, but then who's got the energy?
So now I've become determined to create my own October event. I can do this, people. After all, I am the person who coined the term ‘fauxa constricta' (for grass snakes trying to appear much harder than they really are). Here's a list of options I've come up with so far:
Octsofa = kind of like John and Yoko's ‘bed-in' but less about world peace and more about just sitting on a couch.
Octprober = certainly one way to celebrate ‘Proctober.'
Octdober = a month created for owners of Doberman Pinschers, but since I don't actually own a Doberman Pinscher it'd end up being more of a ‘Oct-fauxber' and even I have to agree that's a bridge too far.
Octsoba = a world of noodles.
Octglobular = science shit.
Octcopacobana = okay, okay, so I'm getting desperate here but at least I'd get to wear feathers, right?
Look, anybody else got a better suggestion?