Are you a dog person or a cat person?
I love animals; I always have.
But not everybody feels the same way.
I know a person who abhors all animals. She is simply missing that gene that makes some folks go "Awwww!" when they see a puppy or a kitten. I'm fairly certain that when her eyes fall upon someone's dog or cat, she can't tell if that creature is a cockroach or a venomous serpent or the world's friendliest dog...her mind just registers: "ANIMAL. Warning! Back away from the non-human."
She's kind of a bitch.
In fact, I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they respond to and treat animals. You can tell even more by what kind of animals they choose for pets.
And believe me, I'm an expert. I mean, I'm a human, and I know stuff about animals. I watch a lot of Animal Planet. Trust me. I'm practically a licensed veterinarian. And one time, someone on Twitter told me I was an honorary social worker after I tweeted something insightful about a celebrity. Probably.
So let's make some sweeping generalizations about people and their pets, shall we?
Dog People as a general rule are friendly. Cat People, on the other hand, are more introverted.
Dog People like to watch football. Cat People like to watch the Academy Awards.
Dog People are industrious and love being hands-on with their pets. They don't mind bathing and brushing their loyal companions. Cat People are lazy and revel in the fact that their cats groom themselves.
Dog People enjoy watching their dogs defecate and aren't fazed by the act of picking up a hot steaming dog turd with a plastic grocery bag. Cat People are the opposite. That's why they buy those cat litter boxes with the opaque lids...both cats and their owners are more "don't ask/don't tell" about their bowels. Cat owners prefer to scoop clumps of cat litter that are no longer steaming.
Dog People don't mind things like dog slobber and tumbleweeds of dog hair...the filth is totally worth the affection and joy they receive from their pets. Cat People do mind. They, like their cats, like to keep things neat and orderly.
Dog People are loyal and warm. Cat People are duplicitous and calculating. Okay fine, I'm just talking about this one bitch I know who also has a cat.
Dog People like to be in control of the situation. It is important for them to be obeyed by their pet. Cat People are less controlling. They don't mind that their pet doesn't submit to or even notice them.
Speaking of which, Dog People like The Gimp scene in Pulp Fiction. Cat People like to read books.
Dog People like cake. Cat People like pie.
I have both a dog and a cat...and a gecko, so I am obviously a voice of authority on this matter.
Did I miss anything?