Oh my God, my nine-year-old daughter wants a skateboard.
She may as well have asked me for a "Do It Yourself Craniotomy Kit."
I know, I'm the meanest mom ever.
But skateboards are so dangerous! And hospital visits are so damn expensive! And what about the kinds of boys who hang out at the skateboard parks? I know, I know, it's wrong to judge like that. But I only know one guy who was into skateboarding when he was younger and he's in jail now. I have no idea if those two things are actually related, but to me, in my mama-bear head, they totally are.
This is a conundrum for me...a parenting pickle if you will.
You see, this child, the fruit of my womb, the one I call my "Mini-Me," absolutely relishes doing precisely what I tell her she should not do. It appears to be her raison d'être.
The other day we were at a very fancy mall to see a movie together and she asked for some change to toss into the "wishing well" (it was a fountain).
I told her, "No. We don't throw our money away like that. This place gets enough of our money when we buy the overpriced stuff they trick us into believing we so desperately need."
She looked at me with such disgust and anger it made me flinch.
But I was firm in my resolve. "Every penny counts!" It's not like we were at the Fontana di Trevi in Rome. It was just a suburban Georgia mall for God's sake.
A week later, we were back at that same mall and unbeknownst to me, she came prepared with some change from her own piggy bank. As we were walking past the fountain, she reached her hand into her pocket and tossed a few coins into the water while looking right at me.
I was stunned. That little bitch! (I thought to myself.)
I just ignored her. What else could I do? She knew I didn't approve and she found a loophole...a spiteful, IN-YOUR-FACE-MOM loophole.
This is just the tip of the iceberg, I'm certain of it. And the issues are only going to increase in magnitude and consequence as she gets older.
Today it's coins in a fountain, tomorrow it will be boyfriends and facial piercings.
She's been talking lately about wanting to be an auto mechanic when she grows up.
Her father and I imagine a different career path for her for a variety of reasons, but I can tell you right now that I will not be the one to tell her so.
Maybe buying her that skateboard isn't such a bad idea after all. In fact, maybe if I am the one who buys it, she won't be so interested in it anymore. Maybe I should take up skateboarding myself to make it extra unappealing to her.
On that note, who wants to come with me for a skateboard, some facial piercings, and an auto mechanic uniform?
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