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Some women CAN have it all
So Cherie Blair, wife of the former British Prime Minister, is telling women of the UK that "Yummy mummies" who give up work and "put all their effort into their children" are making a "dangerous" mistake.
At the same time, Anne-Marie Slaughter, the first female Director of Policy and Planning in the US State Department who left her high powered government job to spend more time with her two boys, is waxing poetic about "Why Women Still Can't Have It All."
And all of this is happening right on the heels of that ridiculous TIME Magazine cover last month asking us all if we are "Mom Enough" to breast-feed our children until they are old enough to ask for a double shot of espresso with that frothed milk.
And all I have to say about this latest siege in the omnipresent Mommy Wars is: really?
Bitches, please. Can't we all just get along? Every woman I know chooses what's best for her unique situation. There is no one right way to do this crazy thing called Life. In other words, you say tomato, I say vagina. Live and let live, ladies!
And what the hell are you talking about, Anne-Marie? I totally have it all.
For starters, I'm hot. In fact, in some cultures where a woman's beauty is measured by the length of her breast or the fullness of her beard, I'm practically a deity.
I also have 9 toenails. That's 9 out of 10, or 90%. If I was in school, that would be an "A." In other words, WINNING! Duh.
I have a supportive husband and a good marriage. Well, as good as a marriage can be given my corpse-like libido and flatulence issue.
I have two beautiful kids, one of each....(one good, one bad). Oh wait, I have three kids. I keep forgetting about that third one. He just showed up one day. I probably shouldn't have fed him, but I did and now he won't leave. See? I'm charitable too.
I have a rescued dog who loves me like his life depended on it, probably because his life does depend on it. And I have a gorgeous cat who lets me touch her once in a while and who hardly ever pisses in my laundry basket of clean clothes. As far as cats go? We're talking superstar, people.
I also have a burgeoning career as a blogger. Sure, there are children in Kathie Lee Gifford's sweatshops who make more money per hour than I do, but in terms of influence? I mean, hello! Has Anne-Marie Slaughter ever been asked to autograph a woman's boob at a blog conference? I'm guessing NO.
I have a beautiful home. Particularly if you believe all those cheesy hand painted wooden signs on Pinterest that say things like "Pardon the mess, we're making memories!" And by "mess," of course I mean fossilized boy-urine in the grooves of my wainscoting and by "memories," the tears shed from an over-enthusiastic round of "Smell My Finger" that ends in domestic violence.
I'm also rich. Maybe not in cash or things I can hawk on Pawn Stars, but I'm rich in things like friends. Okay fine, maybe not real-life friends, but I have people in my virtual life who tag me in funny pictures on Facebook, like all the time, okay? That counts for something, I'm certain of it.
And I'm a contributing member of my community. (We're still talking about Facebook right? Because my eCards and ERMAGHERD meme comments are fucking awesome.)
I could go on and on, but I don't like to brag.
So ladies, let's try to keep the Mommy Wars at bay and stop judging each other. Do what's right for you and your family and tell everyone else to suck it. The end.
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Comments (52)
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Report Sat Jul 21, 2012 - 10:51 pmCan I still send you some lurve even though I'm late to the party? I was busy, trying to get my kids to fashion me a paper mache replacement toenail. I'd like to send it to you for your autograph, if you don't mind, since I can't send my boobs.Reply -
Report Sun Jul 8, 2012 - 12:28 amYou had me at "fossilized boy-urine."Reply
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3 replies, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Sun Jul 8, 2012 at 8:22 pm
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Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 12:59 amWay to go Iris!!!!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Sun Jul 8, 2012 at 8:14 pm
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Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 10:05 pm9 out of 10? Lucky bitch! I've been for pedicures where the ladies giggle and point at my poor little toes that don't have real nails. It's a sad life I live.Reply
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3 replies, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Sun Jul 8, 2012 at 8:14 pm
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Report Thu Jul 5, 2012 - 3:58 amAnd this right here? Is why you rule.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Thu Jul 5, 2012 at 3:56 pm
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Report Thu Jul 5, 2012 - 5:44 amOh, Iris. You make me giggle. Thanks for that. :-)Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Thu Jul 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm
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Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 10:20 pm
Am I the only one who has 10 out of 10 functioning toe nails? I may have to look into fetish work. PS Mommy wars can suck it for sure.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 5:48 pm
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Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 10:53 pmLove your piece. The Mommy wars can really suck up a lot of time and angst. Not only do we need to let people be who they are we also might want to stop competing with men. And sometimes the wars between moms and childless women can be damn ruthless too. You crack me up, by the way. I needed that.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 5:48 pm
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Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 11:08 pmThought you'd be interested in this follow up. Really like the idea of getting rid of the term "Mommy Wars" altogether. Enjoy! http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/07/the-having-it-all-debate-convinced-me-to-stop-saying-having-it-all/259284/Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 5:47 pm
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Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 12:08 amOh, Lawd. You youngsters just need to get over it! Sook, you're going to be where I am: thinking "Hey! If I just work until I'm 72, I can make up for all those years I stayed at home and putzed around and I'll get A THOUSAND BUCKS A MONTH, which will be approximately one-third of my mortgage!" What we really need to do--all of us--is GANG UP ON THE MEN and let THEM stay at home and raise the kids and we all just TAKE OVER! Why? Because we are so much better equipped to run stuff. If you can be a second grade class mother? You can do anything! Yep. Let's quit fighting amongst ourselves (I hate the word "amongst," btw, but it seem appropriate here) and band together. We'll show these guys how to run a few things.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 5:45 pm
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Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 4:20 pm
I just laughed so hard I swear a tiny bit of wee came out. As you were.Reply -
3 replies, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 5:43 pm
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Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 12:55 amAnother happy Tuesday in the Powder Room. So much fun to read your blog, always at least one laugh out loud moment. Thanks!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 5:41 pm
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Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 5:44 pm
And this is why I plan on smothering you with Woverine kisses when we finally get to meet face-to-face next month. Once that happens, *I* will Have It All.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 4:54 pm
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Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 2:14 amGo get 'em! Too many folks trying to get you involved in THEIR agenda. What's more important to discuss is that missing toenail. Should we send out a search party? Do you have a photo? Should we post on Facebook with the "Have you seen me" caption. And the most important question............is there a reward for finding the wayward toenail?Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 9:23 pm
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Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 2:09 amI also have 9 out of ten toenails but I never put quite the spin on it that you did. People will be so pleased with my new outlook I think.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 9:21 pm
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Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 7:20 pm
Amen!Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 9:20 pm
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Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 6:51 pmAt first I thought you were going to go head on with these Mommies- but of course you did with your own hilarious twist. Thanks!! I wonder if Anne-Marie will read this?!!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 9:20 pm
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Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 6:18 pm
I disagree - What are you - crazy or something??? This is a SERIOUS SITUATION!!!! Why are being all funny and making me spit coffee???? WTF happened to your toenail?!?!?!?! MUAH.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 9:16 pm
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Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 5:52 pmI know when I read your post, my mood is sure to be lifted! LOVE IT!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 5:58 pm
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Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 5:05 pmLOVE this!!! Damn, I guess I have it all too then. And I love how you said one your page "These all suck to some degree, if we’re honest". SO.VERY.TRUE.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 5:09 pm
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Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 2:00 pmLOL I love this post - it brought a big smile to my face! I wrote a post about how mums needed to 'Stand in each others shoes' before slagging each other off and got absolutely slated for it LMAO!! there were people all over the place writing about me (obviously not talking to me or reading my post though!). But I will not be deterred, I'm coming out with my frying pan next time and hitting them all over the heads with it - that'll work ;o) I don't know why people think that anyone can 'Have it all' - in fact I've been so irritated by people using that daft statement, I'm going off to have a jolly good rant on my blog nowReply
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2 replies, Last reply by Mummy Whisperer on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 4:52 pm
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Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 3:32 pm
Fuck you Iris! Get in that board room bitch and stop being so godman funny and clever - no-one likes a smart arse. Public announcement *sarcarsm alert!*Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 3:48 pm
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