Look but don't touch
Dear Regular Guy,
Yesterday, my husband almost fell out of his seat watching a very long pair of legs walk by. How can I stop him from checking out the ladies in the middle of summer?
Sorry, that was two words.
Where you went wrong on this front is that you married a straight man. Had you had the foresight to marry a gay man then you wouldn't have this problem. You could just be sitting around drinking Campari, watching men go by and repeatedly making innuendos about cocks.**
But you didn't think it through. Instead, you married a man who was first drawn to you BECAUSE you were wearing your special, cleavage enhancing, long-leg-revealing, little black ‘pulling' dress.
And of course, long after the dress was consigned to the bottom drawer of forgotten waistlines, there is still so much more to you than that, which is why he still loves you and still hovers about on a Saturday night, plying you with Pinot Grigio. He's a good man and would never disrespect you by actually eating his supper from another woman's table but that doesn't change the fundamental fact that he is attracted to women.
He might not be allowed to do anything about it but put simply - a pretty woman is a pretty woman.
There will always be a nicer pair of legs walking by than your own.
There will always be a trimmer waistline or more pert boobs firmly bouncing past.
Don't even ask about bottoms.
This is life. It isn't your fault but then it isn't his either.
The distractions are there and his natural aversion to the Y chromosome will always drag his eyes towards those distractions. It can cause eye strain and premature blindness if you try and force your eyes to go against their natural focus too often. You wouldn't want that, would you?
But of course it can never be one sided. He was also wearing his tightest, buttock-enhancing jeans when you met. You too, are probably fixed in your sexual preference and have your own set of special interests. It may be shoulders or bums or muscles or six-packs or hip-bones or squared-chins or eyes. Whatever your penchant is, I'll wager that pretty frequently there are finer specimens walking by in the sunshine than those displayed by your man (or is it just my wife who finds this to be true?).
Distractions are everywhere.
Why fight it and make life stressful? Join him and enjoy the summer.
Remember that you can read the menu all you like; you just have to make sure you go home for dinner.
**I'm not an expert in this so there's a tiny possibility I could be wrong, but I've seen enough 1970s British comedy to confidently say this is the most likely scenario.