Once you pop...
When I was 22 my then-boyfriend bought me a mini back massager. How chiropractically minded! You might be thinking, followed by And I care why...? I wasn't sure what to do with it either, I mean yes I had a bad back, but not like I could use it on myself.
Then one Saturday morning when he was away, I did.
Only I didn't use it on my back.
And right there, ladies and gentlemen, was not only my first orgasm, but my first foray into masturbation.
I'd tried it before. I'd used the old right or left hand, only to find my mind wandering off of George Clooney to creating shopping lists, so clearly that was not the method I should seek. I tried using a shower head attachment like some articles supported, only all that happened was I got waterlogged and inadvertently wound up douching myself. I tried a strand of pearls, however I couldn't get my mind off how the hell to clean them afterwards, and when I pulled a little too quickly and caught that precious triangle in the clasp, well...let's just say the sound the neighbors heard was not one of a screaming orgasm.
Nope, it was the mini-massager that blew my mind and blew the cobwebs off my solo game. Turn that bad boy on and I was off (pun intended).
A whole new world opened up to me, as like that strangely shaped crisp advertises, "Once you pop, you just can't stop". I rapidly invested in further toys, which served only to increase my unaccompanied repertoire. If you saw that episode where Charlotte cancels on all her friends to spend evening after evening with her rabbit, then you'll have me figured out once I discovered the Rabbit as well.
I think masturbation is completely, utterly, 100% healthy. Sign me up. Men who say they don't ever punch the clown I call a liar. Women who never tickle the little man in the boat are seriously missing out and I honestly want to encourage them to give this a try. It's not an alternative to a healthy sexual relationship with another person, but just because you eat all your meals with your partner doesn't mean sometimes you don't want to eat a luscious sandwich all on your own, and that lone diner courtesy extends both ways. I think it augments a sex life, not detracts from it.
I will happily hold my hand up and admit to still being completely okay with solitary adventures in my personal jungle. Although I have a plethora of well-hidden toys (I'm fine with it, but don't really need them found by kids and step-kids), I am now on my fourth mini-massager. It's like the mother ship calling me home. Five minutes, some thoughts about Daniel Craig (I've moved on from Clooney), and I am a happy camper.