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Beware the smiling mother
by Although I've never been proud to admit it, today I will: Hi! My name is Sandra, and I'm a yeller.
This aspect of my parenting has always bothered me. I always wished I could just smile through my aggravation, and soothingly whisper to my child, "No no no, mommy said not to do that."
My children are older now (and fear me), so I don't flip my lid too often anymore. But there was a time when my husband would run around the house closing windows when he could see I was about to blow.
But then last week, while at a store that sells bulk foods, I watched the mother I always wished I could be in action.
With a big smile on her face, she was explaining to her three and five year old little boys that they could each pick out one kind of candy.
Her tone was so gentle and lilting; I actually stopped what I was doing to admire her.
I smiled as she softly said, "When you pick out your candy, mommy will scoop it. Do not put your hands in the bins."
Then when the oldest attempted to open one of the bins, she gently guided his hand away from the lid, and said, "Remember what mommy said? Please do not put your hand in the bin."
I listened carefully to her age-appropriate rationale: "If you put your fingers in the bin, every person who buys this candy will be eating your germs. We don't want that, do we?"
Mesmerized, I was shaking my head "no" right along with the child.
While she was crouched down, whispering loving words of praise to the older boy, the three year old had put his hand in one of the bins, and had popped a colourful treat into his mouth.
When Mesmerizing Mommy saw this, she yanked his little fingers out of his mouth, and calmly said, "Spit. It. Out."
After the child did as he was told, she pulled his little arm, and directed him towards one of the store clerks, and said to him, "My son has something he would like to say to you."
The three year old said, "I'm sorry I stole one of the candies. I won't do it again."
Agitated, Mesmerizing Mommy then prodded the boys to the exit.
I watched as the automatic glass doors slid open, and Mesmerizing Mommy looked out into the parking lot where she noticed that one of the doors on her vehicle had been left wide open.
Swiveling her head this way and that, scanning the horizons, Mesmerizing Mommy grabbed both of the little boys by the elbow, and proceeded to urge them across the sidewalk, as she said in a very creepy tone, "Who left the door open? That does it! I've had it with you two!"
...Hi, my name is Sandra, and I'm proud to be a yeller.
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Comments (29)
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Report Fri Jul 13, 2012 - 9:24 amI am typically a fairly quiet parent. I try to reason with my kids as best I can (and seeing as they're still toddlers, that's limited). The perk of this is that when I do end up yelling, they KNOW they've crossed a line and immediately stop whatever they're doing. We'll see how long this remains an effective trick.Reply -
4 replies, Last reply by Laurie on Mon Jul 23, 2012 at 10:06 am
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Thu Jul 12, 2012 - 5:09 pm
I yell too. My kids are ok with it, they say they know I mean it when I yell. I do it when I'm happy, so they know I mean it, and when I'm angry. Women who never yell and are always calm strike me as someone who's overmedicated, because that's how I act when *I* am over medicated. There is nothing like a loud "ARE YOU FRICKEN' KIDDING ME?!" to make a kid stop throwing flour on a freshly mopped floor.Reply -
3 replies, Last reply by Laurie on Mon Jul 23, 2012 at 10:03 am
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Mon Jul 16, 2012 - 7:33 pm
Hey Sandra, I'm a proud yeller too.Reply -
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Thu Jul 12, 2012 - 8:25 pm
I yell too.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Sandra C on Sun Jul 15, 2012 at 10:30 am
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Report Thu Jul 12, 2012 - 10:22 pmI think I'm one of the founding members of the Yelling Mommy Club. Now, after almost 19 years, my son tells me it's when I'm quiet that he gets scared, cuz then he knows I'm BEYOND angry. tee hee.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra C on Sun Jul 15, 2012 at 10:29 am
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Report Thu Jul 12, 2012 - 11:00 pmI kept waiting for her to flip her lid. Ha! I'm a super calm mom too ... until I'm not.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra C on Sun Jul 15, 2012 at 10:28 am
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Report Fri Jul 13, 2012 - 1:13 amShe sounded very stepford wives-ish. I was really impressed that she left the store with no candy for the boys and apparently, no groceries at all. BUt then the creepy voice thing. I have been known to use a syrupy voice in my classroom when I am livid and it really freaks everyone out. I keep this very neutral face and calmly explain why I am furious and that I actually am furious, in case you can't tell, and then I stop, sit down at my desk and when I've composed myself, I carry on. They really don't know what to do. But, they are 13, not 3 and 5. I do still love the leaving the store with nothing and telling the clerk the kid took something without buying. I was at the farmer's market today where there is a little gate where there used to be a fence with a goat. The fence is gone but the gate is there. I watched a 4 year old boy and his 1 year old sister trying to push the gate open and it wouldn't go and the mother kept telling Charlie she wasn't going to tell him again that he needed to stop and he kept slamming the gate and the little one started crying and throwing herself at it and I wondered how long it would go on before he actually slammed her fingers in the gate and gave her something to cry about. And the whole time, the mother was doing something with her phone, and she didn't tell Charlie again to stop. At first, I thought she was filming them but I think she was doing something else. And the little one just cried and cried for the rest of the 5 minutes I had to stand in the broiling sun to buy my produce and get the hell away. A screaming mommy would have made my day at that point.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra C on Sun Jul 15, 2012 at 10:27 am
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Report Fri Jul 13, 2012 - 10:07 amI'm a yeller too. Yay, I get to be in your "yeller" club.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra C on Sun Jul 15, 2012 at 10:27 am
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Fri Jul 13, 2012 - 12:00 pm
I would love to say I am no longer a yeller but that would be a lie I can still be one as it often feels like it is the only way to make Leo listen to me.........lolReply -
1 reply, Last reply by Sandra C on Sun Jul 15, 2012 at 10:27 am
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Report Fri Jul 13, 2012 - 8:54 pmThat. Bitch. Scares. Me. How much you wanna bet she has a child torture chamber in her basement and she keeps her husband trapped in a chair by his balls when she isn't home. I'll yell so I don't become the mom from Friday The 13th, thank you very much! IiiIReply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra C on Sun Jul 15, 2012 at 10:24 am
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Report Sat Jul 14, 2012 - 7:17 amI am one of those parents with the creepy tone until I really flip my lid then everyone goes running. I learned very early how to use the mommy voice as we call it. Instead of yelling I drop my voice and speak really slow...it has been known to even work on MY manager a time or too when I was still working at the book store. Always lots of fun! =) But there is something to be said for a good yell too, especially if you can manage to fit in the entire name at least twice.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra C on Sun Jul 15, 2012 at 10:22 am
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Report Fri Jul 13, 2012 - 1:32 amOK. I'll say it: I am an alternate version of Mesmerizing Mommy. The bizarro-world version, if you will. I do not yell. I do not speak in a syrupy tone either. Me? I'm an under-my-breath-growler. I speak in this gutteral tone that is sort of a Darth Vader/Vincent Price combo, I've been told. And it scares the living daylights out of The Cherubs.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by Sandra C on Sun Jul 15, 2012 at 10:20 am
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