Following my children's advice
The reality TV show "Big Brother" is coming to Canada. For those of you who have no idea what "Big Brother" even is, in a nutshell: it's a show where 12 contestants are put in a house with no contact with the outside world for three months.
Audition tapes are being accepted until October, and the show begins in February... in Canada... which is winter time.
One by one the "houseguests" get evicted, à la "Survivor" elimination style, with one houseguest winning $500,000 (only in Canada it's $100,000 because apparently, it's not bad enough that we won't be in California working on our tans and frolicking in the pool to wile away the monotony and the weeks).
I am DYING to audition for the show! Like, I mean DYING! ...I know, I already said that, but that just goes to show you how much I really want this, I'm willing to be redundant.
Of course, before submitting my application tape, I've been discussing this with my family. I would, after all, be gone for three months. (Because we all know I'd win...Hello! Wife and mother of four! Who do you think would ingratiate herself by scrubbing the toilets? Someone's got to do it.)
After many hours of discussion, here are some of the finer points:
1. My 14 year old son said, "You should totally try to get on the show! Do you realize all the stuff you could buy me with the money???"
2. My daughter said, "You're good as long as you can hold in your farts."
3. My son added, "Yeah. As soon as you let one rip, they're putting you up for eviction."
4. My husband said, "You can't even poop when we go on vacation; there is no way you can live three months in somebody else's house. Eventually you will have to shit in the communal bathroom."
5. Older boy said, "Your best strategy is to fly under the radar for a couple of weeks, then get into an alliance."
6. Other older boy said, "Your best strategy is to get into an alliance as soon as you get into the house."
7. Both older boys agreed, "You can't keep anything to yourself. You always want to 'verbalize' everything...You won't make it past the first week."
8. Both older boys also agreed, "As soon as you start talking about 'praying for people,' they're going to be putting you up for eviction."
9. My youngest said, "I'll be praying for you."
10. My daughter said, "You can only stay on the show for one week. After that I'll start crying myself to sleep."
11. My husband has been unusually silent during the discussions.
12. I think it's because my oldest son summed it up best when he said: "You can't go away for three months, Mom. The house would fall apart without you."
...I know, I know, can we hear a collective: Awwwww!