How not to be a dick about plastic surgery
On the topic of plastic surgery, of which I glanced on ITPR, I thought I would expand a bit more.
I've had plastic surgery. I don't have a single regret, not for a moment. I'd do it again and I'd do it in a heartbeat.
Many years ago (come to think of it, more than half my lifetime ago... *shudders*), I had a breast reduction. It is an incredibly complicated and painful surgery. The doctors basically remove the lower third of your girls, slice off the nipples, and re-shape them (because if your boobs are big the nipples are typically the size of teacups), sew everything up like a meat quilt (adding on perkily re-sized nipples), stitch some drains into the side to catch litres of Stuff We Do Not Want To Talk About (that's a medical term), and Robert is your avuncular relative. You have had a breast reduction.
In my case, I went from a size 38DD to a size 34B. I begged to be given an A cup but the surgeon (perhaps rightfully) refused. I was sprouting watermelons and was desperate for something no larger than a fried egg. I spent several days in hospital (as it was major surgery and involves those aforementioned drains. Let us not speak of this. Ever.) I had to wear sports bras for months, and ultimately I have what I call my happy face - my rack is covered with what basically amounts to a smiley-mouthed scar, completed with re-sized nipple scars. My rack is never going to have much feeling and it is not going to be possible to breastfeed. But I think my rack is absolutely perfect.
1. "You down-sized your breasts? What were you thinking, most people want bigger ones!"
Yes, but most people aren't carrying the equivalent of two gallons of milk strapped to their chest, are they? My next size up would be to strap on kegs and rename myself Tallulah Star, which as long as I had sparkly heels and a thong then I had a career ready to go.
2. "You had a reduction? I wish you could give some of that to me!"
You're in luck, Princess, I brought a funnel and a hose! Let's just hook you up here and now and we'll do swapsies!
3. "Doesn't it make your breasts insensitive?"
No, but they are quietly weeping at the implication, thanks for that.
4. "Your boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/love toy let you do that?"
It was that or go for the full body tattoo, the one that made me look like a giant puzzle piece. Yeah? This seemed like the less insane option.
My take on plastic surgery is: to each their own. Some don't want it, some do. Me, I've promised myself that if I get that turkey neck, I'm going under the knife. I'll start preparing the retorts now.