Man, my life is empty
My life is empty. Barren. Void. I am but a shell of my former self.
The Olympics are over.
I may need medicating.
It's ironic, actually. I'm not a sporty person. Sport is what people do if they have things like coordination, muscle, skill, and time on their hands - none of which I have. I don't even watch sports, bar the occasional World Cup Final and that's only if alcohol is on offer.
I definitely don't play sports, either. I cross-train daily just to keep my ass from dragging on the ground, but in terms of action I'm not your girl. I'll run if someone calls me for dinner. I'll throw something if it has a snail attached to it. I'm not even competitive - hey man, if it's important to you to win then have at it. You earned it. You are looking rather like you want it more than I do.
Yet every Olympics year I find myself glued to the TV, absolutely mesmerized. I won't watch everything. (Greco Roman Wrestling? No thank you.) But I'll watch most things. I may not understand the rules and I won't be placing a bet on anything, but in Olympic-land I'm in.
We were absorbed this year. Not only were the Olympics on our doorstep (and we even got to see them!) but we were gifted with 18 channels of all-Olympics, all the time. It was gripping stuff, too - tennis got watched. Hockey got watched. Even badminton had an airing. The house was packed to the gills with people screaming at the TV and cheering for various nationalities (I have a very strange, diverse family).
And now it's over.
And I don't know what to fill it all with.
The latest news series? Can he break a world record in the 200m reading it? CAN HE?
The latest film? Is Usain Bolt in it?
Nope. My life is empty, and it left five rings in its place.
Some people would get a hobby. Me, I'm waiting two more years until the Winter Olympics.
O sweet, sweet Winter Olympics, how I've missed thee...