In The Powder Room

Aug 02

Permission to dye my own hair, sir!

Comments (11) by Everyday Stranger August 02, 2012 - 6:01 AM

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I received some of my neighbor's post the other day, so I walked it round to their house (as you do, in a neighborly way). I had recently dyed my hair red due too; I dunno, boredom or was it thoughts of being exciting and adventurous, or okay, maybe just a pre-mid-life crisis. Anyway, it turned out not so much red as a screaming pasta sauce color. I figured I would change it back to its natural near-black color at some point but would stick with the Ragu for a while.

My neighbour (the wife of the husband/wife duo) opened the door and, upon seeing my unusual hue, remarked on it.

"You've dyed your hair!" she said, heading the way of the obvious.

"I have!" I replied brightly.

"And your husband allowed it?" she asked.

Thus drew me to a screeching neighborly halt.

"Sorry?" I asked, confused.  "Allowed it?"

"Yes," she said, nodding in case the words weren't enough.  "My husband won't allow it, he says it makes me look like I've been in a bloodbath. I can only cut my hair."

It is so hard to highlight just how wrong I found that entire exchange. 

It's not the first time I've heard it. Years ago when I had a breast reduction (why yes, yes I did) I got those comments all the time - "You're having your breasts reduced? Why? What does your husband/future husband/gay lover/insert dictatorial relationship parallel here as appropriate have to say about it?"

You know what they have to say about it? Sweet fuck all. My breasts, my backache, my poorly fitted clothing, my enormous jugs. If I say they go, then they go. I couldn't give a fiddler's fart what anyone had to say about the size of my mammaries. If they are not sporting them strapped to the front of their chest on a 24-hour basis then they have no say at all. I am not a plaything there for the sport of my beloved.

There are many factors that are important in a relationship, it's true - personality, compromise, sharing, respect, common goals. While I am not advocating tattooing every inch of my body and expecting my spouse to just suck up why they are now with the Human Tattoo Palette, there are many areas where independence is a must. My acceptance in their lives should not be based on something as immaterial as cup size, hair color, favourite socks, or shiny versus matte lipstick.  These choices are my own, and although I respect and would like feedback from my partners, it's not going to be the deciding factor for me.

I smiled at my neighbour. "My husband doesn't get a say about my hair color. It's my hair. Every family is different, of course. Oh, and that cut looks good on you."

She patted her hair self-consciously and I made my way home.

by Everyday Stranger August 02, 2012 - 6:01 AM

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  Report Mon Sep 24, 2012 - 4:18 pm

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  Report Tue Aug 21, 2012 - 8:36 pm

  by  Michelle

  I love this post....I also may start using the phrase "I don't give a fiddler's fart" on my kids! Thanks!

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  Report Fri Aug 3, 2012 - 2:33 am

  by  lhewitt

  Won't let her. You cannot imagine the possibilities running through my head right now. Anyway, Loreal and I are geat friends. I have to ask - did they take your nipples off when you had your reduction? My friend had it done and they took her nipples off, so I'm just wondering if this is standard procedure.

  Reply Delete
• 3 replies, Last reply by Teresa on Fri Aug 17, 2012 at 12:43 am
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  Report Fri Aug 3, 2012 - 2:55 am

  by  Everyday Stranger

  @lhewitt: I did indeed have a nipplectomy. I don't regret a moment of it either. I know one other who has had a breast reduction, she also had nipplectomy. Maybe it is standard procedure...?

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  Report Fri Aug 3, 2012 - 7:32 pm

  by  kenju

  @Everyday Stranger: I have a friend who had it; I'll ask her.

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  Report Fri Aug 17, 2012 - 12:43 am

  by  Teresa

  @kenju: I had a nipplectomy when I had my reduction. And as far as haircolor, it would never even cross my mind to even ask my husband's opinion, let alone permission. Though every time I have cut and/or colored my hair (a lot), someone never fails to ask me if my husband is upset or if he 'allowed it'-my MIL being the biggest culprit. My husband just laughs. Honestly, when he grows a beard or shaves his mustache, do other men ask him if his wife allowed it? I don't think so.

  Reply Delete
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  Report Wed Aug 15, 2012 - 1:39 am

  by  Adrienne

  I would definitely get my husband's blessing before doing anything drastically different with my appearance, just as I would expect him to make sure I was okay with anything he wanted to do that couldn't be undone. I mean, he has to look at me and get turned on by me, right? Ditto me for him. Right now his hair is turning salt-n-peppa and I love it to pieces. He isn't quite as happy about it and laments the grey coming in amongst the dark. But if he wanted to dye it, I'd tell him no and if he did it anyway, I'd be ticked. So did you ask your neighbour if it goes both ways? Perhaps they have an agreement like we do on this issue. :)

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  Report Fri Aug 3, 2012 - 7:31 pm

  by  kenju

  AMEN. When I was younger, I kept my hair long because mr. kenju liked it, but nowadays, I do what I like with my hair and anything else....lol

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• 1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Sun Aug 5, 2012 at 7:36 pm
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  Report Sun Aug 5, 2012 - 7:36 pm

  by  Everyday Stranger

  @kenju: I too have a stance of "my hair, my choices"! Lines have to be drawn, eh?

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  Report Thu Aug 2, 2012 - 5:54 pm

  by  Shirls2012

  Good lord! I don't even know what colour my hair is in its natural state. Probably grey as I'm 66. I plan to stay blonde as long as I can raise my arms and my husband would not DARE forbid it.

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• 1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Fri Aug 3, 2012 at 12:44 am
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  Report Fri Aug 3, 2012 - 12:44 am

  by  Everyday Stranger

  @Shirls2012: I've got the grey, too, and I figure as long as that Latex Clairol glove fits, I'm wearin' it!

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