Help Wanted: Internet Trolls
Trolls. Always there to piss on your cornflakes aren't they?
Whatever you like to call them, keyboard warriors, trolls, sad losers with nothing but an Internet connection and a bad attitude, trolls usually have but one purpose in their life which is to shit on your day and move on. Usually anonymously, always with venom and rarely with any class. Trolls get off on basically ruining your day by telling you you look fat, you don't know what you are talking about, or simply, if you get one of the trolls that struggle with words over one syllable, "YOUR a cunt."
I think if there was ever a job advert placed for an Internet troll, I think it would go something like this:
This is an exciting opportunity for one TROLL to join our unfriendly and unsociable team to cause harm, incite hatred and create fear on the Internet.
This position is a work-from-home role, and when we say home, we of course mean your parents' home, even though we are sure you tell people you are "between homes at the moment" and have moved back to your parents' temporarily, just to save money. (Yeah right)
The salary for this position is non-existent, but to the correct candidate this will not be important as we know you get your reward in other non-financial ways such as making people cry, being publicly acknowledged and causing an outcry. All applicants for this position should be aware that the last person who held this position was once in the top trending topics on Twitter and one of his tweets was once RT'd by Stephen Fry. Unfortunately the troll then masturbated so furiously and for so long he actually died of exhaustion, hence the job opening. He will be sorely missed, we are not quite sure by whom, but he will be missed.
The standard to which we would hope the next member of our team be educated is pre-school standard. You need to have a basic understanding of punctuation and where not to bother using it. An understanding of good grammar is certainly not essential for this role.
One added bonus would be being unable to differentiate between the words YOUR and YOU'RE but we have an extensive training scheme where we can teach the successful applicant how to forget the difference between their and they're, your and you're, and bear and bare.
If this is a role that excites and inflames you, please send an example of your best anonymous hate and we will be in touch shortly.
I think that about covers it, don't you?
What do you think?
Trolls. Sad little losers with no life? Or keyboard warriors with an agenda, wearing the cloak of anonymity like a superhero?
Let me know.