Holding onto cool with both hands
If as you read this article you begin the think otherwise just refer to that first line and then continue.
I was in the doctors' waiting room recently, entertaining my child and desperately trying to ignore a set of eyes that were burning deep into my soul. Another mother was so brimming with neediness to unload her parental verbal diarrhea onto me it was seriously uncomfortable.
I was hard. I stood my ground; I interacted with my child and fiddled with my iPhone.
''Oh Elsie has those shoes!'' She squealed at the twitching mother who immediately opened her mouth letting loose her drivel.
I am not sure who was more relieved; I was at least free to play Angry Birds.
I cannot partake in this mindless chatter about night feeds, the latest Cath Kidston change bags and the like. Who decided that the only common bond two mothers have is mothering and this is what will bind us all together? I like who I like, the fact that you have a child is neither here nor there to me.
It makes me wonder what these women were like before the baby. Did they randomly strike up conversations with the person in front of them in the queue at Marks and Spencers about the colour of their shoes? No, I doubt they did.
Why do so many women let motherhood take over every aspect of their lives?
Am I naive to think it does not or should not?
I like to think when the child is not physically attached to my leg that I am still me; the girl I always was. Yes, I CAN make play dough from scratch and I know how to remove wax crayon from the kitchen walls but I also know how to down ‘B-52' cocktails with no hands and break some shapes to Jackin House.
I am holding onto my cool with both hands and I will fight to the death before I hand it over to a music group and a conversation about bottle feeds with a woman I have never met before. If I need parenting advice I will ask a friend or search online; if I want a play date I will fix one up with someone I know.
So you have been warned.
For the record, I am not anti the Stepford Mum thing and if it floats your boat then fine, knock your self out with ‘Baby Sign Language' and ‘Hop little Bunnies' - just leave me well out of it; I am trying to sort out a babysitter.