Do you know what 69 is?
"Do you know what 69 is?"
This is what I heard come through the phone from my sweet friend and neighbor.
"Uh...I love you, but I'm not sure where this is going?"
"Just come over - NOW!"
As I walked to her house, I ran through some options of how this might go. I like to be prepared.
My neighbor has a crush on me and is trying her hand at lesbian flirting. While I am tall and sporty and friend of the lesbian, I am not a lesbian.
I could just use the same line that served me well in college... "I really like you...as a friend."
Her husband has requested a little 69 and she is unsure how to proceed. I don't know how it happened...ahem...but, I am apparently the "whore expert" amongst our friends. If there is a sex question, all heads swivel in my direction. Sup with that?
I could just encourage her to be open and free and give it a whirl...or a straddle...whatever she is comfortable with.
My pal opened her door and ushered me into her powder room. I was not prepared for what I heard next.
She and another friend had just returned from running a marathon. When she couldn't find said friend at the end of the marathon, she panicked.
Not that I would know, but marathon runners often push their bodies so far that hallucinations, nipple bleeding and loss of bodily functions can occur. (Wow, bleeding from the nipples and shitting my pants while seeing flying monkeys hasn't been so much fun since childbirth. Sign me up!)
She rushed to the marathon staff table and announced, "I am looking for 69! Can you help me?"
You can imagine the response.
She was baffled. She was confused. Because...she didn't know what 69 was.
That's right. 38 years old and she had no idea why they were laughing and offering hotel room keys!
That's where I come in. She needed me, whore expert, to confirm what her #69 bib-wearing pal had explained to her afterward.
I rolled around on her powder room floor, laughing hysterically and nodding "YES! YES! YES! It's all true!"
Just when I thought she couldn't be more shocked, I blurted out "Damn! I thought you wanted to be my lesbian lover!"