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Do you know what 69 is?
"Do you know what 69 is?"
This is what I heard come through the phone from my sweet friend and neighbor.
"Uh...I love you, but I'm not sure where this is going?"
"Just come over - NOW!"
As I walked to her house, I ran through some options of how this might go. I like to be prepared.
Situation 1:
My neighbor has a crush on me and is trying her hand at lesbian flirting. While I am tall and sporty and friend of the lesbian, I am not a lesbian.
I could just use the same line that served me well in college... "I really like you...as a friend."
Situation 2:
Her husband has requested a little 69 and she is unsure how to proceed. I don't know how it happened...ahem...but, I am apparently the "whore expert" amongst our friends. If there is a sex question, all heads swivel in my direction. Sup with that?
I could just encourage her to be open and free and give it a whirl...or a straddle...whatever she is comfortable with.
My pal opened her door and ushered me into her powder room. I was not prepared for what I heard next.
She and another friend had just returned from running a marathon. When she couldn't find said friend at the end of the marathon, she panicked.
Not that I would know, but marathon runners often push their bodies so far that hallucinations, nipple bleeding and loss of bodily functions can occur. (Wow, bleeding from the nipples and shitting my pants while seeing flying monkeys hasn't been so much fun since childbirth. Sign me up!)
She rushed to the marathon staff table and announced, "I am looking for 69! Can you help me?"
You can imagine the response.
She was baffled. She was confused. Because...she didn't know what 69 was.
That's right. 38 years old and she had no idea why they were laughing and offering hotel room keys!
That's where I come in. She needed me, whore expert, to confirm what her #69 bib-wearing pal had explained to her afterward.
I rolled around on her powder room floor, laughing hysterically and nodding "YES! YES! YES! It's all true!"
Just when I thought she couldn't be more shocked, I blurted out "Damn! I thought you wanted to be my lesbian lover!"
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Comments (24)
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Report Fri Oct 12, 2012 - 9:17 pmI so completely love this story! Thanks for a laugh today. (came from finding the funny!)Reply -
Report Wed Jul 25, 2012 - 10:50 pmYa know the movie Stepmom, where Julia Roberts tells the daughter something about snowblowing and then goes on to explain to Susan Sarandon that snowblowing is something she heard described in a movie once that isn't remotely sexy??? Well, my daughter.. aged 9 at the time, asked me what it was. I had absolutely no idea but since Julia Roberts said it wasn't remotely sexy, and it was said to a 13 year old girl in the movie.. I ASSUMED it wasn't sexual at all... so I told my 9 year old to "look it up"! HUGE MISTAKE!! While some/most may not consider it remotely sexy.. it is 100% sexual!! Imagine my suprise when I was educated, in detail, by my 9 year old!!!Reply
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6 replies, Last reply by Geri Johnson on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 1:41 am
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Report Sun Jul 29, 2012 - 6:36 amI really, really wish you were my neighbor. I realize bloggers say this all of the time to each other but you know- I'm serious. My favorite part is that after she shared that with you you told her what you thought she was asking for. I love brutal honesty in a friend :)Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Jul 31, 2012 at 3:00 am
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Report Wed Jul 25, 2012 - 6:06 pmMy college was situated off of Exit 69 on our local highway, so you can imagine the running jokes...Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Thu Jul 26, 2012 at 6:05 am
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Report Wed Jul 25, 2012 - 7:22 pmBorn in 1969. Yes, everytime I have to divugle my birthday someone snickers. So I have taken to saying "69, but that's how I got started too." just to mix it up a bit :)Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Thu Jul 26, 2012 at 6:04 am
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Wed Jul 25, 2012 - 4:28 pm
My 20 year old son asked me what 69 was, about 6 months ago. I told him it was The Summer Of Love, when people rolled around in mud and listened to Carlos Santana. He was confused but didn't pursue the matter.Reply -
3 replies, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Thu Jul 26, 2012 at 6:03 am
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Report Wed Jul 25, 2012 - 7:25 pmOMG. That story is so funny! If I ran in a race (not that I DO) I would not want "69" on my bib OR "666".Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Thu Jul 26, 2012 at 6:02 am
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Wed Jul 25, 2012 - 7:56 pm
I am a conundrum because although it's one of my favourite numbers and never ceases to amuse me, I pretty much loath the actual act... unless I'm on top... but even then, barely impressed. Something about upside down & backwards bjs that just doesn't appeal to me. *cough*Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Thu Jul 26, 2012 at 6:01 am
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Wed Jul 25, 2012 - 11:36 pm
I want to move to your neighborhood! I am so stealing those symptoms in case anyone asks me to exercise. Vlog?Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Thu Jul 26, 2012 at 6:00 am
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