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Dressing room mirror bitch slap
Recently a friend called me, and instead of the usual "What UP girl?" I heard a sequence of squealing that surrounded the phrase "stupid asshole dressing room mirror bastards!"
Among her F-Bombs and weeping was the name of a local department store, whose dressing rooms I am unfortunately quite familiar with.
It seems my friend went in to try on some of summer's pretty frocks, and came out empty-handed, feeling like Jabba the Hutt on his period.
I calmed her down as best as I could, reassuring her that she was divine, and that the store's three-way mirrors hated women. I then bribed her with promises of a cookie while insisting she was the loveliest creature I knew.
But now I am thinking: Maybe the mirrors don't hate women. Maybe the store simply hates returns. Maybe horrifyingly unflattering mirrors do us shoppers a favor.
Dressing room mirrors that make us look our absolute worst may be a gift to those of us who don't have a girlfriend who can tactfully say: "Yes, you are beautiful. Just not from behind while wearing slim-cut white linen trousers."
Also, we're all very busy these days, what with kids starting summer break and a new season of True Blood to catch up on, that we should thank department stores with relentless mirrors. Who has time to shop and then come back to return all the items that make you look like Steven Tyler raided a women's thrift store? Not me, that's for sure.
I prefer to know I look like Hell in a Handbag before I plunk down my MasterCard for the season's trendiest tops in colors that absolutely do not flatter me in the least.
I am happy to jump back in fright at the creature donning an ill-fitting dress, that might even be on backwards, who has a strong resemblance to me after a night of binge-drinking and salted pretzels. Once I catch my breath, I can toss that dress into the "No" pile and move on.
I say, bring on the Bitch Slap of Dressing Room Mirrors, and keep clothes shopping honest. If I can't have the team from What Not To Wear accompany me each time I decide to freshen up my wardrobe, I'll at least take whatever help I can get.
Even if it means I have to listen to a venomous three-way mirror spit "You're kidding, right??" at me a few times before I get the perfect outfit to bring home with me that day.
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Comments (41)
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Report Mon Apr 29, 2013 - 7:48 pmI agree with you, buying season's trendiest clothes is a waste of money, better invest them in intellectual property services. It is hard to find an outfit, it happened for me a lot of times to go to the mall and come out empty handed.Reply -
Report Mon Apr 29, 2013 - 3:41 pmIt is very hard for me to find clothes that I likes, a lot of stores say they have the trendiest apparel but when I take a look I realize I do not like anything they have to sale. Actually, when I was in the Mall the last week-end with my daughter, I noticed that in a boutique they had dust mites in carpet, when I told this to the salesman she looked at me strange and replied that this is not my concern.Reply
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Report Wed Apr 3, 2013 - 7:42 amthanks .share a nice product Check out these amazing Cell Phone Watch Gadgets - Low Priced Hi Tech Mobile Phone Watches shipping and dropshipping worldwideReply
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Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 7:52 pmLove it! There may be some merit to your theory. Makes sense to me!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 9:05 pm
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Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 7:11 pmWell, as someone whose "friend" once told her a blouse made her look pregnant, I rather prefer a truth-telling, but silent mirror!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 9:05 pm
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Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 4:50 pmThere has to be something they put in those mirrors--like a truth serum or something that emanates from the glass. Oh tight white linen pants--who, seriously, could they possibly look good on? And let's be honest, I would hate on who ever could rock them out...;)Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 9:05 pm
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Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 3:43 pmThat's it. You've inspired me. I'm finally going to steal the full-length mirror from the little girl's bathroom at my kids' school. It's easily the most flattering I've ever seen and is currently being wasted on a bunch of 1st and 2nd graders. Seriously, how many 6 and 7-year-olds do you know that need the kind of validation that we moms need in a fashion (or, more importantly, FAT DAY) crisis? And you're all invited to come use it. It's like the mirror in Harry Potter. It shows you what you most want to see.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 4:22 pm
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Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 12:24 amYou were one of the most-clicked links at last week's #findingthefunny party. Featuring you tomorrow and pinning this. Thanks for linking up!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm
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Report Sat Jun 30, 2012 - 7:31 pmI find it's not the mirrors that suck, it's the horrific lighting that does me in. I can see every wrinkle, every blemish, every roll of fat with such distinct clarity that it makes me want to vomit. Trying on bathing suits is a particularly unpleasant experience for me. Bleh!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm
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Sat Jun 23, 2012 - 7:19 am
OMG, "Jabba the Hutt on his period"!!! Bwahahaha! (And quit spying on me, bitch.)Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Sat Jun 23, 2012 at 4:19 pm
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Report Fri Jun 22, 2012 - 6:26 pmKim- you are so right on. I can't tell you how many times I have tried on clothes at the Gap and think I look smokin' hot, only to come home and try them on for my husband and have him gasp in horror. Then, I look in my own full-length mirror and mimic his gasp. Bring on the bitch slap mirrors, I would really appreciate having to do less returning!Reply
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5 replies, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Sat Jun 23, 2012 at 4:18 pm
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Report Fri Jun 22, 2012 - 11:15 pmI couldn't agree more! I've had to do a lot of soul-searching lately as I've come dangerously near to forty and had to accept that it's not reasonable to expect the average man to view me as "hawt" for the rest of my life. Those mirrors probably tell the truth - I have to learn that there are much more important things than looking young forever...like my sons thinking I'm having fun in life and my husband not worrying that every time we indulge over a dessert, I'm going to be down on myself later. I figure, what will I remember on my deathbed? Fitting into the slim cut white linen pants, or enjoying life anyway? It's a constant battle, though, for sure!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Sat Jun 23, 2012 at 1:11 am
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Fri Jun 22, 2012 - 1:23 pm
I hate dressing room mirrors! I think shops should buy skinny mirrors and adorn dressing rooms with ambient lighting!Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Jun 22, 2012 at 9:04 pm
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Report Fri Jun 22, 2012 - 4:21 pmI have been telling myself all this time that those mirrors are big fat liars but now I realize it's just the department store's way of telling me that I can no longer wear what I did in my twenties pre-kids. But I guess if I DO look good even in that harsh dressing room light, then I simply must buy...!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Jun 22, 2012 at 9:03 pm
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Fri Jun 22, 2012 - 4:21 pm
Not just dressing room mirrors. I am a seamstress, and make clothing particularly for people who are hard to fit (like myself). I have learned,when a client says they want a particular commercially made pattern, to tell them I will purchase it when I buy the notions, because commercial pattern sizes are nearly double the sizes in the store, and to tell a size 10 woman that she wears a size 18-20 pattern will offend her, and it's better that she doesn't even know.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Jun 22, 2012 at 9:02 pm
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Report Fri Jun 22, 2012 - 5:12 pmI guess it is time to face the fact that I'm probably not getting a reality check in my full length mirror at home if I have to contort myself to get a view of the backside. I want to believe what you say - that the truth mirror is doing me a favor, but when you're facing the new realities of your 40s I'd like to be lead there gently and not with a punch in the face. My position stands. Those mirrors are just self-esteem bullies.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Jun 22, 2012 at 9:01 pm
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Fri Jun 22, 2012 - 6:37 pm
I'd love to have Tim Gunn with me so he could help me out shopping. Or the What Not to Wear People. Or maybe I'll just wear a robe all day. That could work.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Jun 22, 2012 at 8:55 pm
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Fri Jun 22, 2012 - 7:00 pm
I just wish they would all agree on a size. Every store has a different size.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Jun 22, 2012 at 8:54 pm
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Report Fri Jun 22, 2012 - 7:54 pmPerfectly written about a sadly true experience. You rocked it, Kim!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Jun 22, 2012 at 8:53 pm
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Report Fri Jun 22, 2012 - 8:34 pmHaha! So true! Have you seen the Seinfeld episode where the mirrors do the opposite? Elaine tries on a dress and looks absolutely beautiful in the mirrors. When she takes it home, she looks horrible. I don't know which is worse!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Jun 22, 2012 at 8:53 pm
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