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The bitch gene
"Mommy, when you were a baby, did you drool?"
I get curve ball questions like this from my son all the time. So, without much attention to this one I answered, "Yes, I probably did."
"So then Maggie was wrong!" OK, now this is getting weird. "Maggie was talking about me drooling as a baby?" I asked. "No, she said 'Girls rule and boys drool,' but you drooled, so she must be wrong."
Aha. The problem is that the girls around him are growing up, and he's not yet. And so it begins . . .
See, Maggie has already turned into a bitch. She's 5. I've been told that this is when the mean girl gene is activated, and it appears to be true. My son, also 5, is still essentially a toddler. I don't think boys grow out of that until 11 or 12. (And then they finally hit their stride as middle schoolers, a stage that lasts until 30.)
I need to figure out how to help my son navigate this. I'm not allowed to tell him that Maggie is a bitch, and that one by one all the little girls he knows are going to turn into bitches. Some will grow right out of it, some might take a few years, and a few will stay that way forever. Even my own beloved daughter, at 3, is trying out her big-girl-bitch-pants. Lord help us.
Wait, are you upset that I called a five year old a bitch, and that I then called all little girls bitches? As a former little girl, I think I've earned the right.
I was a bitch.
I was surrounded by bitches.
We had bitchy sleepovers.
We had bitchy cliques that could suddenly turn on one of our own with no reason outside of our own catty bitchiness.
And we were bitchy to stupid innocent little boys who had no idea what was happening.
Bitchiness is like a gateway drug. It's provocative and addicting; it feels good and empowering. Most girls overcome the temptation eventually, but some sink lower into the depths of its malignancy. Soon it's a way of life. These girls grow up to be vindictive, nasty, vicious women (please refer to The Real Housewives franchise).
When faced with bitchiness, I feel my own latent bitch rear her fork-tongued head. Her power surges through me and it takes effort to suppress it. Like any drug, once an addict always an addict. It doesn't matter that I quit bitchiness at 17. Now that my kids are encountering bitches (and, in the case of my daughter, actually turning into one), I need to work doubly hard to keep my inner bitch down.
Note to self: You are not allowed to call a little girl a bitch to her face.
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Comments (27)
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Report Sat Oct 6, 2012 - 7:05 amI am so glad I am not the only woman who refers to her daughters as bitches out of their earshot... I feel better now. When you say it out loud people kind of have that "punked" look, obviously their little darling hasn't emerged, they will get the queen bitch...Reply -
Report Wed Oct 3, 2012 - 5:40 pmFor all the crap women have to deal with, being a little bitchy is okay. I'm worried my stubborn daughter got my bitchy gene. Feel bad for the husband (well kind of) when inevitably hears down the line my daughter and I clash on something,Reply
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Fri Sep 21, 2012 - 8:50 am
I think for some girls it starts even younger. My husband and I moved states and rented a room in his aunt's house for 2 months. We have a 2 year old and his aunt's daughter is about 6 months younger than her. That little girl is already a bitch. I understand she's barely even I toddler and some people might argue that she doesn't understand, but she does. She has evil in her eyes. She's vicious, and I blame her 16 year old sister for bringing out the bitch gene in her early. Both of those girls are gonna be bitches for life, and it's sad because their sweet mother has no control over it.Reply
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Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 6:13 pmI don't know why I can handle the bitchy gene better than I can handle the boy "dumbass" gene. Maybe experience, or the the fact that I can relate to bitchy? In any case, "My son, also 5, is still essentially a toddler. I don't think boys grow out of that until 11 or 12. (And then they finally hit their stride as middle schoolers, a stage that lasts until 30.)" made me LOL because at least with a girl I won't have to deal with 25 year extended adolescence.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by Judith on Wed Sep 19, 2012 at 10:12 pm
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Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 8:29 pmBoth my boys hang out with girls a lot and by the time each of them reached the age of 10, I had to have "The Talk" with them. No, not THAT talk, the other one. The one where I had to explain that girls are bitches, they'll be your BFF one day and gossip about you the next. Boys don't naturally do this to each other so it was difficult for them to grasp. I was frank and suggested they learn how to grow a thick skin because if you choose to swim with sharks you're gonna get bitten. A guy needs to learn survival skills. A shame, but reality.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Meanest mom EVAH on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 1:43 am
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Report Sun Sep 16, 2012 - 9:01 amMy little girl quit cheerleading, which she loved, because of all the bitches---she didn't know that was why, but it was obvious the way they treated her. She tends to march to her own drummer, and the Bitches didn't appreciate her joy---I just hope she will keep it a few more years...... Lord knows her mother has a TON of the gene.Reply
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Report Sun Sep 16, 2012 - 7:51 amI call my 2yo Queen as in Queen B as in Queen Bitch. I already told my hubby that she and I are not going to get along and God help us when she's a teen. Shoulda told the invitro dr. to take the bitch gene out of the test tube.Reply
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Report Sun Sep 16, 2012 - 12:17 amLove it! I think this all the time, about my girls and complete strangers, and it's so totally true! I think the gene starts to show up before 5, though...my friend's three-year-old totally has it and it drives me crazy. I have to bite my tongue to keep from calling girls bitches all the time. I'm glad I'm not the only one!Reply
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Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 6:34 pmI'm glad someone else is willing to acknowledge how early that Bitch Gene gets activated in some girls. A few weeks ago, my 3 year old daughter and I were at the local inflatable-bouncy-stuff place and this 5-ish girl walked straight up to ME and started in about it being her turn on the thing my daughter was playing with (it totally wasn't and she had not even spoken to my daughter to say she wanted a turn, which I politely pointed out) so wah wah wah. She was (of course) completely unsupervised. Karma is great though, because about 10 minutes later, she and her coven were abusing an inflatable that's not even supposed to be jumped on... so I ratted that little bitch out to the manager and when they got busted, I gave her the look that says "This bitch has had way more practice than you, little larva bitch."Reply
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4 replies, Last reply by TheBargainBabe on Sat Sep 15, 2012 at 6:33 pm
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Report Sat Sep 15, 2012 - 2:39 amThe only thing in this that is not true is that you quit your own bitchiness at 17 - I read your blog, haha! I'm really glad I have a son. Signed, another bitch who just can't help itReply
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Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 11:56 pm
Everything about this is spot-on, from girl bitchiness to little boys not growing out of their middle school stage until age 30 (and, in my opinion, often times beyond). So, you'll get no argument from me: Girls are bitches. I was a bitch. My middle and high school years were plagued with bitches. And the sleepovers I attended were legendary in the bitchiness. Even my 3YO daughter, like yours, often acts like a bitch-in-training. I really do think bitchiness is genetically inherent in women and it was one of my greatest fears about giving birth to a girl. In one of my more irrational pregnancy-induced freak-outs, I actually worried that my daughter would be a little baby bitch (she wasn't).Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Allison Hart on Sat Sep 15, 2012 at 1:42 am
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Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 10:44 pmNever thought about it this way, but so true. At my son's school, the boys hang out and chill while the bitchy bullies try (in vain) to run the joint. Makes me wanna start snatching people up by the pigtails.Reply
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Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 10:28 pmThis cracked me up! First of all, 30?!? Umm, my husband is 45 and still no sign of that middle school phase coming to an end. The ridiculous texts that he shows me and jokes that he makes take me back to acne and braces every time. Brutal. Secondly, when I was doing daycare in my home I kept 4 girls. I had them from six weeks until this August when they started school. I think my daughter is an expert at giving the "go to hell" face and walking away. That's all I could think to teach her to deal with her little friends!! There were four of them. Not like she had a ton of choices in play mates, but I didn't want her to hang around with a mean girl. I honestly think the bitch gene is more contagious than genetic because 3 of the girls were sweet as could be until that 4th one finally got to them. . . http://www.theflatulantfrog.wordpress.comReply
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Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 9:17 pm
Love it. So true.Reply -
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Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 8:31 pm
So true!Reply -
Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 6:46 pmWhy can't we tell our sons that girls are a bunch of bitches? I try to explain things to my son in a reasonable way, in a way that he will understand, and still maintain my honesty with him. He asked me a few weeks ago how many times I had been pregnant (he's five). I told him three. He asked why he only has one sibling, and I told him that I was pregnant and the baby died while it was still in my belly. He cried for a moment, but then I explained that if that baby had not died, we wouldn't have his sister. I *hope* that I can have an honest conversation with my child, tell him that girls go through a phase where they're mean and it will last until he's about 30, and by that time he'll come out of his "middle school phase", and then he'll find his wife, and all will be right with the world.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Allison Hart on Fri Sep 14, 2012 at 8:26 pm
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Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 5:30 pmMy son who is 9 has been going through this for the past 4 years. He will come home from school and ask me "Mommy, why are girls so mean?" I want to answer with "because they are all a bunch of bitches!" but, I can't & I just tell him that hopefully one day they will be nice to all the little boys. I also have a 3 year old daughter and I can see the bitch-to-be already trying to come out in her. I am hoping that I can re-route that behavior and turn her into a nice girl, but I really don't see that happening..but one can hope!Reply
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Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 5:23 pmhaha love it! So true!!!Reply
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