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Back to school musings with a C- mother
by The first day back at school beckons and with it a hundred A+ Mothers holding a hundred squeaky clean hands. Their perfectly coiffed hair, skinny jeans and Zara blazers reflected in each other's oversized shades.
And heels. Always heels.
Their children wait quietly by their sides whilst Mother catches up on tales of holidays abroad and new gym memberships.
Meanwhile the rest of us huddle at the back of the pack, scrabbling to control our rabble as they dash in opposite directions with a ditch or hill or puddle in their sights. The C- Mothers. We stand awkwardly thanking the Gods that it's finally Back to School time whilst sweating the alcohol that got us through the summer from every pore.
But in the back of our minds we know that this free childcare comes with a price. Gone are the days of getting dressed at 3pm, the heading to McDonalds because you've run out of food, the joy of not having to make healthy lunches that come back uneaten every day, and the relentless ‘being there on time.'
When my daughter first joined school I had such high hopes for us all. I was so grateful that my child was being accepted into this lovely environment when the other schools in the area were, shall we say, less enthusiastic, that I made promises to myself that we would be the model family. My daughter would be on time each day, look immaculate, excel at her schoolwork; I would join the PTA, bake cakes, and go on fundraising missions. I would be an A+ Mother if it killed me God damn it.
Sadly two years and two kids later, that isn't quite the case. Whilst very much alive I have forgotten lunches, forgotten children, and not attended a single PTA meeting, I have let homework go undone, lost books, and fished dirty uniforms out of the wash basket on a Monday morning.
I managed to hit a particularly low point when I failed to even inform the five-year-old that he would be getting two needles stuck in his arm by a nurse that day - whilst other mothers comforted and cajoled their offspring with promises of ice cream and lollipops.
Then my daughter really proved my C- status when she informed her teacher that she ‘didn't have to worry about getting headlice as they only like clean hair and Mummy never washes mine...' The horror.
Though not being one to settle for mild mortification she also smuggled in a newspaper article I had written entitled ‘A lazy mother's guide to parenting' so that she could show her teacher what a class act I really am.
So as this new school year approaches I admit that I am filled with mixed emotions. I desperately want to make myself an A+ Mother but fear that once again my report card will read ‘Could do better.'
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Comments (27)
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Report Thu Sep 13, 2012 - 1:20 amGreat post - as hubby is currently driving them in whilst I remain inside usually in pjs I think I get a big fat fail. When I go back on school run duty I might aim to be a B - I wouldn't want to be one of those A+ types xxReply -
Report Fri Sep 7, 2012 - 10:27 pmHey, you're not behind; you're just managing expectations!! be grateful you'll never be asked to handle a fundraiser!!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kate Takes 5 on Mon Sep 10, 2012 at 12:30 am
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Report Sat Sep 8, 2012 - 10:41 amI have managed 3 days of being almost on time as I strive to turn over a new leaf in a country that doesn't know how disorganised I am. I felt a spectacular failure at curriculum evening last night after arriving late because E couldn't find her soccer boots for practice and failing to understand a word of the jargon relating to the US education system that all the other parents nodded along to. It felt like my first day at school - help! I have no idea what I am doing or where I am going. On the first day of school I was in casualty with my middle daughter and couldn't find the school phone number and my daughter keeps announcing to everyone that mummy was always late for school in the UK. And How did it take 3 hours to run a simple errand after school today? If you are a C grade mum I am a D Grade - I think an A Grade is ambitious but I'm working on a B.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kate Takes 5 on Mon Sep 10, 2012 at 12:30 am
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Report Sat Sep 8, 2012 - 3:02 pmWhen we bought our house, a real plus was that it backed onto the local primary school - a walk of a mere 30 seconds to get my son into class. So you'd think I'd be washed and preened and ready, since I have no excuses about being stuck in traffic, etc? Nope. Instead I opt for the extra sleep, give breakfast with just 30 minutes to go, don't bother getting us all dressed until 10 minutes before the bell... Then I throw on whatever's around (usually the clothes from the day before) and barely put a comb through my hair. When we hear the first bell from our living room, we race out and get my son through the school door. Then I mooch home with my youngest - avoiding eye contact as I know I probably look like Medusa - and make myself a coffee the size of my head, since that's what's needed to bring me around before I jump in the shower and make myself look presentable for pick-up time. Bugger the A+ mums.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kate Takes 5 on Mon Sep 10, 2012 at 12:27 am
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Report Fri Sep 7, 2012 - 4:21 pmI started my parenting life as a A+ mother, I followed the written and unwritten rules of middleclass motherhood. I was quite good! After 6 years and two kids I gave up and, like you, I'm positioning myself as a B and sometimes a C- mum. It is far too stressfull to be good all the time, but I can't stop baking cakes for the PTA events.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by SEO on Sat Sep 8, 2012 at 5:52 pm
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Fri Sep 7, 2012 - 5:59 pm
It's a case of managing expectations, as in 'don't have any'. I live a 10 minute walk from school and my kids are invariably 'almost late'. For pick ups I tend to suddenly realise at 3.25 that the entire day has disappeared and race out of the door in whatever interesting ensemble I have managed to put together for a day of working at home.... one if these days it will be pjs. Sounds like you're doing an A+ job to me.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kate Takes 5 on Fri Sep 7, 2012 at 9:13 pm
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Report Fri Sep 7, 2012 - 8:10 pmI admit I unpacked my sons PE kit and school bag from on Tuesday from where it was shoved at the start of the hols. I swore I was going to change. We've been back 2 days and have already had a forgotton PE kit and a lost (unlabelled) jumper - lovely to know there are more of "us" out there!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kate Takes 5 on Fri Sep 7, 2012 at 9:13 pm
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Fri Sep 7, 2012 - 8:22 pm
I'll have you know I read this with my American accent and it was good. Then I read it with my Irish accent that also sounds vaguely Indian and it was EPIC. Either way, excellent!Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kate Takes 5 on Fri Sep 7, 2012 at 9:12 pm
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Fri Sep 7, 2012 - 9:10 pm
Here - A+ - now fuck them. They have some F- shit going on in their lives, trust me, I am wise to their shit.Reply -
Report Fri Sep 7, 2012 - 3:26 pmI'm with you on this one. My intentions are always good but life just seems to get in the way of my quest for perfection!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kate Takes 5 on Fri Sep 7, 2012 at 5:28 pm
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Report Fri Sep 7, 2012 - 3:37 pmOh dear - far too familiar & brilliantly written as always! I know that your daughter was proud of your being a published writer really - but of all the articles to choose....over here I promise I won't be late for pickup, but it's been known. For dropoffs. mascara and I are not close friends in the morning. I've rather given up, as parents of every nationality at daughter's International School just point at my (8th month of pregnancy) belly and do impressions of the Michelin man or call me "Big Momma" whatever efforts I make....grim personified....Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kate Takes 5 on Fri Sep 7, 2012 at 5:27 pm
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Report Fri Sep 7, 2012 - 3:59 pmIf it makes you feel any better, this morning, I hadn't even showered - never mind mascara (although I was going for a run after drop off - honest!).Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kate Takes 5 on Fri Sep 7, 2012 at 5:26 pm
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Report Fri Sep 7, 2012 - 4:48 pmSo glad it's not just me! I only managed to name & take up one pair of trousers for my sons first week back - so he had to rewear the dirty ones twice and wear an old short pair! The only reason in vaguely organised about homework or remembering special days is because my son would kill me if I didn't! Having just switched schools I've gone from one extreme to the other - juicy couture track suits & footballers wives to scummy grey track suits and fags - life at the school gates is mad!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kate Takes 5 on Fri Sep 7, 2012 at 5:24 pm
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Report Fri Sep 7, 2012 - 5:10 pmI'd say this is a page out of the "perfect parenting" manual. Just think of the inferiority complex those A+ parents are giving their children and already ingraining a perfectionist tendency that is too hard to attain. You'll be able to shoulder the guilt of not doing it right that all parents must bear until kids reach a certain age (usually when they have children of their own). Keep up the good work. :DReply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kate Takes 5 on Fri Sep 7, 2012 at 5:21 pm
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