With the invention of websites like Facebook, Gumtree, and Craigslist, many moms wonder if they can earn back a little money by reselling their children’s clothes online. Follow these nineteen easy steps to find out if it can work for you!
1. Realize your child has had a growth spurt, and purchase clothes and shoes in the next size up.
2. Sort and launder the stuff she no longer wears, placing the items with mysterious stains and holes in a special “Area 51″ pile.
3. Account for the total number of items (forty-five) and price accordingly ($20).
4. Photograph the bundle of clothes, and advertise it on Gumtree, Craigslist, and Facebook.
5. Receive first offer from Buyer #1, who haggles with as much shrewdness as a scorned ex-wife in the middle of a protracted divorce settlement.
6. Not wanting to appear greedy, lower the cost to $15.
7. Await a response from Buyer #1 that never comes.
8. Receive a message from Buyer #2, who feels that the financial stakes involved are akin to taking on a mortgage, and answer her many queries:
- What brand is the purple sweater? Gymboree.
- How many buttons are on that jacket? Six.
- Would you say the boots are more “rose” or “fuchsia”? Pink. They’re pink.
- Could you please photograph each of the forty-five items and send individual .jpgs to me in a .zip file? Camera memory card filled by her request.
- If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? The laws of acoustical physics describe sound as a longitudinal compression wave, which travels through matter by disturbing molecules to create a physical reverberation that exists regardless of the presence or absence of an auditory receptor. So, yes.
9. All of her questions now satisfied, agree to meet with Buyer #2 at a McDonald’s in town.
10. Bring the kids on this outing, and watch as your son points to the Golden Arches and proudly declares: “M is for ‘burger,’ Mommy.”
11. Ponder whether this is a literacy victory or a nutrition failure.
12. Come to the conclusion that Buyer #2 is a no-show.
13. Return home, lower the asking price to $10, and rage-eat a half-pound of dark chocolate.
14. Receive message from Buyer #3, who wants to know if she can purchase just the four denim GAP rompers separately for fifty cents a piece…and if you wouldn’t mind taking a picture of them at forty paces, with a 10x zoom lens, and with a fast shutter speed so that she can get an idea of how her child might look doing the Itsy Bitsy Spider dance whilst wearing them. Also, if it’s not too much trouble, could you please deliver the $2 worth of apparel to her home address—123 Inconvenient Lane, Distant Suburb, TX—at naptime o’clock?
15. Look up the zip code for Distant Suburb, Texas on Google Maps, and discover that it is a thirty-mile round-trip journey and will cost $4 in gas.
16. Politely decline Buyer #3’s offer.
17. Give up on selling altogether and donate everything to Goodwill.
18. Calculate the expenditures of your foolhardy enterprise:
- Fuel: $2
- Rage chocolate: $3
- Laundry expenses: $2
- Your time (rated at the national minimum wage of $7.25/hr): $30
- Net loss: ($37)
19. Rage eat another half-pound of dark chocolate.
Lesson learned? Unless you want to gain fifty chocolate pounds, empty out your gas tank, and lose your faith in humanity, just donate your used children’s clothes to charity.
This original piece by Crystal Lowery was written exclusively for In the Powder Room, a division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC. Images © WaveBreakMedia via depositphotos.com.