Summer Mantras Heard by Stay at Home Moms via In the Powder Room

Summer Mantras Frequently Heard by Moms

Poop is the new Om.

 

It’s been a hundred and fifty years since my five-year-old son’s school year ended a few weeks ago and my nerves are not what they used to be. Over the summer my child started practicing a form of meditation that involves the daily repetition of the several mantras over and over again. This practice differs from other forms of meditation in its vocality and the fact that the mantras have to be directed AT someone, the same person the meditator identifies as the culprit responsible for all their shitty karma.

Here are some of the mantras I’ve been subjected to on a daily basis. When reading you have to imagine them as all capped and followed by multiple exclamation marks.

1. “Why are you taking so long”or its more subtle cousin “Why is THIS taking so long?”

The beauty of this mantra is its flexibility. It covers an extremely wide range of scenarios. It can be applied to anything from a car ride gone awry to the sandwich that was requested thirty seconds ago to the Lego person’s freaking hair piece that you are furiously trying to remove AS the meditator meditates at you.

2. “Can I watch another show?”

This mantra is usually repeated in a loop. As all other mantras it does not assume a (negative) response. The meditator repeats it over and over again until nirvana is achieved.

3. “This is the worst day ever.”

Reflective mantra. Usually applied to describe a day when you took him to the beach, bought ice-cream, had a couple of impromptu play dates and refused a third episode in a row of Scooby Doo.

4. “I wish (insert the name of the only friend they didn’t get to play with today) was here.

Mantra designed to explore the depth of one’s emotional gamut stretching between whiny and ragey on any given summer day.

5. “I need more ketchup.”

Don’t let that whole new age facade fool you.

6. “Poop.”

The new Om. Frequent repetition brings catharsis.

7. “But why does he get to (insert preferred life threatening activity toddler sibling decides to engage in)?”

Why should only little brother be in the moment?

8. “Today is the worst day ever, I wish the friend I didn’t get to play with was here already, but why is it taking so long?

Evidence that your meditator has achieved the highest level of spirituality combining several favourite mantras into one complex practice.

Is your child meditating this summer?

Namaste.

 

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Katia was raised in an immigrant family, then she moved continents and became one herself. She blogs at IAMTHEMILK about her sons, Five Year Old and Almost Two Year Old, and occasionally about her husband, Thirty Eight Year Old. If you tried to reach Katia via her multiple social media platforms or her land line and she hasn’t gotten back to you, she apologizes, she is overwhelmed at the moment.

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  1. says

    My 4 year old: “I’m never playing with you AGAIN!’ – she says this to me as if it is a threat (????). My favorite on your list: “Poop – This is the new Om.” – all so true and so funny!!!

    • says

      Thank you, Susan! Love your observation about the (non) threat. That’s hilarious. I wish I was threatened with that. My son was negotiating with me at Target today, hoping to get a toy in addition to the shoes we were buying him: “if I let you buy me the shies, you have to buy me the toy!” True story.

  2. says

    LOL. Totally right on! For us you can add “Can I play on the iPad now?” or it’s cousing “Can I download this app on the iPad?” We also have the boredom induced “I’m hungry” said in sing-song rhyme.

    • says

      Oh, how could I forget the boredom induced “I’m hungry”? And I’ve been refraining from i-pads so far. Did you know that pad stands for Pandora? :-) I’m already raising a TV addict, so the prospect of an iPad scares the sh#! out of me.

  3. says

    Oh, this made me laugh!
    My kids are meditating too, but being teenagers, they use different ones. “In a minute,” is the favourite.
    “I said I’d do it,” is another, sometimes combined with the former.
    Then there’s “Like.” As in, “Like, you know, like.”

    • says

      Oh, I think that the fact that H. only did this once at 2 (or is it 3?) whereas Ben does this once a day at 5, speaks volumes of H’s level of maturity. :-)

  4. says

    Haha, Katia. Until nirvana is achieved–LOL. Mine has got to be “Is it 6 yet?” Stated by my little one at 5 am, then at 5:05 am, then 5:10 am… you get the picture.

  5. says

    You are so clever and zen. I wish I could approach childhood “mantras” with such a reflective spirit. I bet you meditate several times a day, too.

  6. says

    My daughters (4) mantra to her younger sister (2) : “GO AWAY! YOU ARE NO LONGER INVITED TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY!”

  7. says

    I love it! Here, one night, I was giving my son a bath and he started to drink the bath water. I said “don’t drink that!” he said “why?” So I said (DUMB) because it has buttjuice in it. So his OM is to randomly scream BUTT JUICE. It’s very calming (cough cough). Too funny!

    • says

      I am laughing really hard at this. If I never saw a single photo of your child and had to identify him in a lineup of kids, I’d know that “BUTT JUICE!!!” is a Kristi word. LOVE YOU.

  8. says

    My 5 year old son’s favorite meditation is, “But how do you know?” followed closely by, “Can you Google it to be sure?” We clearly have an issue with trust. He started kindergarten today so now it’ll be his teacher’s problem. :)

    • says

      But how do you know, Karen?

      Kidding. This is awesome. My five year old once asked me a question and when I responded that only God knows the answer to that particular question, he suggested that I ask Google, because hierarchy.

  9. says

    I was laughing while reading the above

    This is one classic mblog n I loved it
    My kid has also been meditating n his favorite mantra has been
    Getting bored can I play a game on iPad

  10. Jean says

    So smart, dear. This summer, I’ve become the “worst mother ever” in micro-meditation sessions. Daily.

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