This is what happens when you've watched the same movies with your kids too many times: your Sundance catalog starts opining about Hobbit movies and the results are hilarious! By Kristin O'Keefe via @InthePowderRoom

My Sundance Catalog Shares 26 Thoughts on Three Hobbit Movies

You know those movies you watch over and over with your kids? And by the third round you’re sneaking peaks at your phone. Or at Robert Redford’s Sundance catalog, which offers the ageless adventurer clothing and jewelry so free-spirited your Amex weeps turquoise tears. And then, an odd, synergetic thing happens: your pricey catalog starts opining on the Tolkien-inspired films. And all you can do is write it down. Here goes:

  1. Don’t let anyone enter your house uninvited.
  2. Unless he inspires you with his piercing blue eyes, like Gandalf at your hobbit-hole door or Redford on page 2 of our Winter’s Thaw 2015 edition.
  3. In which case, “C’mon in!”
  4. Life may throw you some mountains. Our Jessamin boots ($298) will speak to your soles/souls.
  5. Watching your gold? The Hikina sandals ($89.99) come with centuries-old comfort. And hikin’ is right in the title, so, you know.
  6. Unless you’re truly into that hairy barefoot thing.
  7. Just understand no one else is.
  8. If it looks too good to be true, it’s probably Computer Generated Imagery—or the buzz boots on sale. (One pair left. Size six. I know. Cheated.)
  9. Dear parents: names matter. Who would you want your child to sit next to in pre-school: “Bilbo” or “Azog the Defiler?”
  10. Robert, of course, is a timeless choice.
  11. On that long journey, you may be tempted to stray: drink a little mead, catch the eye of a smoking hot elf.
  12. Do it. Because some parts of that journey? They really, really drag on.
  13. Barrels of wine, an attractive elven woman in our Star Crossed Tunic ($148)—that’s what an audience is going to remember.
  14. Yep, occasionally a highly desirable does fall in love with an undesirable.
  15. Before you get overly optimistic, know she’ll choose the hottest of the undesirables.
  16. You can help your chances with a Buckland Leather Jacket ($498).
  17. Rudimentary knowledge of Elven-tongue wouldn’t hurt either.
  18. While forbidden love rarely ends well, you’ll increase your chance of another day of togetherness if you’d just wear a helmet during cycling, skiing and epic orc battles.
  19. Throw in an Indian Motorcycle Tee ($35) to complete the look!
  20. As follow-up, helmet head can easily be fixed with a blowout or, if you’re too manly/dwarfly for that, an expertly tied Botanical Wanderings Scarf ($28).
  21. Think Kerouac.
  22. Those days when your spouse is in a really foul mood? Dragon-sickness.
  23. Go easy and leave his basement treasures alone. If you’re sweet, maybe he’ll trash those old rags he’s worn forever and upgrade to a Coffee House Crewneck (2 or more $64 each).
  24. Temper your expectations. Whether it’s the Arkenstone or the Sweet Moments Necklace ($1,595), you’re bound to be disappointed.
  25. Don’t put too much stock in their power, or you and your treasures may find their way into the arms of a small man with large hairy feet.
  26. And he will not look anything like Robert Redford.

 

This original piece by Kristin O’Keefe was written exclusively for In the Powder Rooma division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC. Featured photo © Kristin O’Keefe. 

For a good time, connect with us on Facebook and Twitter.

Kristin has worked as a bartender in Scotland and a speechwriter for college presidents. She’s currently a highly underpaid blogger at dreadfullybusy.com and an aspiring novelist. In her spare time she carts her two children around the D.C. metro area in a duct-taped minivan. Kristin’s work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and McSweeney’s. While she is dreadfully busy, she tries to find time to read the work of smart, funny women. That’s a lot of reading.

Keep the conversation going...

comments

Trackbacks

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *