The Rise of the Cock Shot In the Powder Room

The Rise of the Crotch Shot

Is there an upside to the sexting trend? Liz thinks so.

 

Back in the day, dating was easy. You’d meet someone down the pub, get drunk and swap phone numbers. It really was that simple. Of course I realise things have changed: websites, speed dating, friends with benefits; it’s a long way from tonsil hockey with your friend’s boyfriend’s friend after closing time.

These days dating goes more like: flirt online, meet in a bar, cock shot just after you arrive home.

I’ve checked with my dating friends (and crowd sourced stories from twitter) and I can confidently say that I have yet to speak to a single woman for whom this has not been true, at least once.

What is the cock shot for, I wonder? I get that he wants to show you his bed snake, but what is he saying when he snaps the Bone Ranger and sends it flying through cyberspace? Is it merely boastful? (Check out Just In Beaver!) Or a misplaced attempt at flattery? (Look how much the Baloney Pony likes you!) It’s hard to know (pun intended).

Female reaction seems to be a mixture of surprise and amusement, but few have opted for a second date with a man who sends close-ups of the One-Eyed Gecko before she’s been home long enough to digest dessert.

I see why this would be, but I wonder if we aren’t missing a trick? Like it or not, the cock shot is now a part of modern dating and I say it’s time to reframe the problem. Look at it thus: there’s now a handy way of weeding out the Clinton (oddly bent), the Clifford (oddly small) and the Mayer (oddly shaped) without having to meet it in person first. Awkward conversations about how size doesn’t matter (she’s lying), it’s perfectly normal (it isn’t), and it really doesn’t matter when you like someone (it does) can now be headed off at the pass with a simple pretence at moral outrage.

Women in their forties are supposedly confident enough to know what we want and to go out and find it. It seems to me that Mr. Jurassic Pork is simply providing an additional tool (see what I did there?) that we can use to decide whether he’s what we’re really after.

 

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Liz Dawes is an author, a columnist for Fighting Fifty and In the Powder Room, and a director of Siempre Alegre films. She is also a mother, a feminist and a lover of good wine. Find more of Liz’s work in our bestselling women’s humor anthology, “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

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    • Liz Dawes says

      Thank you. My friend read it at our kids karate class and totally died of snorting giggles….

  1. says

    Fortunately, I’m not in the “dating” category. But I did have a friend once who carried around a naked photo of himself. That and he brought sex toys with him.

  2. says

    Bone Ranger is definitely my favorite.
    And wow, now I feel old. I have never experienced the cock shot, but I can’t help but wonder….what’s the best filter to use on one of those?

  3. says

    I was initially disappointed when I read this, thinking it was about crotch sweat due to my inability to read the title, but in hindsight, I feel so glad that I know a few more fantastic names for penis. Thank you!

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