WHEN FACEBOOKERS ATTACK by Leslie Marinelli In the Powder Room

When Facebookers Attack

Hey Facebook trolls: you can dish it out, but can you take it? Our Editor-in-Chief has a few choice words for you…

 

There was a photo going around Facebook last week of a mother posing with her four children presumably on the first day of school. The mom was jumping for joy in the air; the four backpack-clad kids were scowling (except for one, who was clearly trying not to laugh.)

The photo was “liked” and shared as though it were the cure for cancer.

But if you looked closer at the nearly ten thousand comments underneath the photo you would’ve seen something very unsettling churning below the surface—The Mommy Wars—yet again.

The vast majority of the comments were overwhelmingly positive: “Where is the LOVE button?” and “Yep, that was me last week!” for instance. But scattered between many approving quips were more than a few people, mostly women, expressing their disapproval of the mother in the photo.

The last time I wrote about The Mommy Wars I used humor to lighten the topic, poke fun at myself, and encourage a live-and-let-live attitude.

This time I’m not feeling quite so charitable or good-humored.

Frankly, I’m sick of Facebitches who clearly never learned the proverb “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Take Martha, who so condescendingly stated: “Sad in so many ways… When did children become a nuisance instead of a blessing? Some day your season of life as a mom will be over and you’ll wonder where all that time went.”

Really Martha? Well some day your season as a crotchety Facebook commenter will be over and you’ll wonder why your husband is banging your next-door neighbor. Don’t you have anything better to do besides rain on people’s parades?

Lucinda snipped: “Even if this is a staged joke the mother should be ashamed. I hear too many parents at my son’s school discuss their children like they are a burden. Maybe they should of really considered if parenting was for them before.” (sic)

Really Lucinda? Well maybe YOU should have considered that “should of” isn’t a phrase before you left such a judgmental and poorly constructed comment. I suggest you bone up on your grammar with some of the time you waste being such a snatch on Facebook.

A woman named Missy clucked: “How sad. We homeschool our children and consider it a blessing, joy and privilege to have them home with us. It is awesome to spend time with them and watch them learn!!”

Well isn’t that nice Missy. How wonderful for you!! (Double exclamation points all around-whooohoooo!) Hey, do you have any openings in your homeschool classroom? Just curious, because my children need some tutoring in spelling bee strategies and feeling superior to others.

Mary tsk-tsked: “If she is so happy to see them go, why did she bother having them in the first place?”

Lovely. You know what Mary? Go scoop your litter box and call me after you’ve had a human child or FOUR. It’s called satire. Look into it.

Listen Facebitches, it obviously doesn’t take much courage or brainpower to talk smack about some anonymous mother behind her back. You want to pick a fight? Bring your judgmental and grammar-challenged ass over to my Facebook page and I’ll show you what “Back-to-School” really means.

 

Leslie Marinelli is a writer, wife, mother of three, toilet humor aficionada, and transplanted Pittsburgher trapped in the suburbs of Atlanta. She’s the CEO and Editor-in-Chief of In the Powder Room, the creative force behind the award-winning tell-all mom blog, The Bearded Iris, and the editor and co-author of In the Powder Room’s hilarious bestselling anthology, “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

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  1. says

    How come I never saw this post before?? (double-surprise).

    I love it!! (to the power of awesome).

    Facebook bitches are humourless, supercilious hags put on this earth so that the rest of us know that we are in fact, superior. In a grammar-ly and human being kinda way.

    Word to the mutha.

  2. Robin says

    I F’ing love you!! Not only did you call out the poopie trolls, you called out the grammatically-challenged FaceBitch trolls, as well. You’re my new hero!

  3. Amy Harvick says

    Seriously. I see the most ridiculous comments coming out of these women; and it’s a stretch to call them that. I have five kids. Sometimes I want to choke the living shit out of them. Sometimes I think if I hear one more MOOOOOMMMMM in the day I will tirelessly search out the highest peak on the planet and throw myself to the bottom of it. I love those little jerks with every fiber of my being. I love every part. That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel stress or get overwhelmed. I’ll be damned if one of those shitty, I’m better than all of you picture prowlers is going to make me feel less. Women are spectacular creatures. We can be fierce, loving, gentle and strong. How about supporting one another instead of trying to rip someone apart.

    • Lizzie says

      I have five sons and I completely agree with you. I have days where I can’t wait for that bus to stop in front of the house to pick them up. Well, three of them anyway. The two youngest are still home with mommy all day. I love my heathens very much, but it is nice to get a break and have a bit of quiet time once in a while.

  4. Robyn says

    Sorry, would comment more but after spraying my monitor with hot tea after reading “because my children need some tutoring in spelling bee strategies and feeling superior to others”, I need to go get a new one.

    Brillo :)

  5. Michelle Loiselle says

    Ha I love this!! Very recently I commented on one of these viral Facebook pics and a pack of she bitches attacked me….one went as far as to say “well one day when and if you have kids you won’t feel that way”…ummm hello lady …I have 4 kids ….pshhhh

  6. says

    Love it Leslie! I have not had anything go viral like that but I’ve seen a few posts on some high trafficked sites with these judgmental and nasty comments and I just don’t get it. Totally agree, if you have nothing nice to say…move along!

  7. Nedra says

    I love this shit!!! I also love my kids but I didn’t have them so they could be up my ass 24/7. I had them to watch them grow and teach them things and create a lifetime of memories…including watching them go off to start a new adventure on their first day of school every year. I am not afraid to admit I celebrate when they walk out the door!

  8. Juliana says

    I totally agree. I get so tired of know-it-alls and smarty-pants commenters. if you don’t like it, MOVE ON… there is plenty of other things on facebook and everywhere else on the internet that surely you can find something you like. No one cares about your hate and rudeness. Move on and save the nastiness, because no one wants to read that shit!!!

  9. Amity says

    Facebook trolls are like the skid marks in the clean underwear of life. Nasty and rude, and better left unseen.
    Wow! I’m like, really profound, and stuff!!

  10. says

    My kid is so awesome and perfect and angelic and talented and witty and helpful. I cry every time he gets on the school bus because I don’t have grown-up shit to do at all.

  11. Rhoda says

    Somewhere in your DNA there is a Bronx or Brooklyn girl. Love your “in your face” blogs.
    Will make you an honorary Bronx-ite anytime!!!!!

    • Leslie Marinelli says

      This is the highest compliment you could give me, Rhoda, as I’ve always dreamed of being a New Yorker! THANK YOU!

  12. Debbie says

    I love it. I real hate Facebook trolls. Rude people who feel they can say whatever they want because they’re not face to face. Or backhand you with fake sympathy, just as bad. Mean girls( and boys) who never grew up. Their maturity level is that of a teenager. Everybody has struggles in life, it’s good to laugh. It relieves the stress. Anybody who says their little darlings are perfect and want to be with them every waking minute are lying. Or they don’t have a problem peeing for an audience. I remember the days of the 2 year old dragging the baby in the car seat to the bathroom door pounding on it, saying, ” He need you, he need you.” And the little fingers reaching under the door. Yes, children are blessings but they are also little sinners too. I’ve been a mom for 35 years and my youngest is 16. Yup, I got 5 wonderful children but I don’t think I got 5 marbles left in my head. I love each one of them but there were days I didn’t like their behavior. I can brag about them too and their accomplishments. Days, I wanted more time with them and days, I did the happy dance at the sight of the school bus.

  13. says

    I agree with you all! But I just use the “DELETE” button… What could they EVER say that I care about? I will not give them a platform to spew from… Luv you alll!

  14. Mallory says

    It is so true that these women have no concept of satire or humor. Do they really think this mom hates her kids and is grateful summer is over so she never has to spend time with them? Can these women honestly say their blessings have never driven them so crazy that they needed a break?

  15. Kelly says

    I’m not a “Facebitch,” but I’m definitely on the other side of this debate. It breaks my heart to think about the kids you describe in the back-to-school picture. There was no Facebook when I was a kid, but I was well aware that my own mother couldn’t wait to unload me. It affected my self-esteem deeply (the way your mother regards you defines your identity, FYI,) and I still battle with those feelings of inadequacy and rejection today. That may sound like an extreme example, but I would never, even jokingly or momentarily, let my son know I’m “so happy I could jump” that I was getting away from him. It’s one thing to feel that way—it’s another thing to actually let your kids know by having them dramatize the entire scenario so you can get some FB likes. I’ve also been blessed enough to have secondary infertility. I say “blessed” because the life lessons I’ve learned from my situation are invaluable. I’ve learned to seek out happiness in every single day, instead of waiting for it to be handed to me. I’ve learned that gratitude is the ultimate antidote to jealousy. I’ve learned that cherishing instead of whining is a conscious CHOICE that makes me a better, happier mom, wife, friend, etc. So, yes, I cherish my one and only child. For these many reasons, I would never make him, or anyone for that matter, feel as through I throw a party when they leave the room. Maybe moms who don’t understand this haven’t been “blessed” with the losses and suffering I’ve had that makes me recognize a gift when I see one, and choose to cherish it.

    • says

      Similar to you, I’m on my second chance. I shouldn’t be here, let alone have the opportunity to be a mom.

      I thought the pic was funny and engaging- because I have a similar relationship with my kids. We’re close enough to be able to joke like this, without anyone being scarred for life. My kids know I’d move heaven and earth for them.

      The key to being able to enjoy the online community is to not judge someone else’s parenting by a single moment in time. If you see a mom posting a pic of her 18 month old drinking from a vodka bottle, and captioning it “future alcoholic!”, well then yeah, that I’d probably judge the hell out of, or at least find in very poor taste, but in general, I try to keep in mind that all of us moms are doing our best. Each family dynamic is unique, and I have not seen a single mom change how she does things because she’s been chastised via the comment section of a blog.

      I have, however, changed my approach at times after having respectful discussions with people who actually know my family in person. So, it’s usually best to put your energy and time into developing your own patch, nurturing those relationships, rather than criticizing a picture posted online and making assumptions about the mom represented.

      By the way… That vodka thing? I have a picture of 2 year old me with my dad’s (unlit, obviously) pipe hanging from my mouth and his hat on my head. My sister thought it was hysterical. My mom would be horrified. lol

  16. Linda says

    I’m can’t stand the Facebook trolls either, however some of your comments seem just as mean-spirited as the facebook comments themselves. How is trashing these people any different than their original trashing?

  17. Charlotte says

    I had three, very rambunctious boys, and always enjoyed our time together at home. When it was time for school, it was time for updated learning and learning to interact with others. How I loved being able to send them off looking forward to the day, and watched for them when they returned for their lunch, and was able to enjoy all their tales of their day. Usually they brought home friends for lunch as well – it was always positive and fun. How I wish I could return to those days. But YES, it was ALWAYS a blessing when they returned to school for a few more hours – the whirlwind stopped until later – the boys returned, as did the friends (some stayed overnight), and the dog was happy with so much attention. As the boys got older we went on skiing trips, canoe trips (friends included), and I’d never had so much fun in my life. THERE WERE TIMES I threatened to put a nail through their hoodie and hang them on the wall. THERE WERE TIMES they were grounded for various reasons. THERE WERE TIMES I wondered if THIS would ever end (teenagers – right), THERE WERE TIMES I wondered why I ever had kids. Bringing up a human being to become a human being is staggering – you know, I think my boys like me now. They sure didn’t sometimes back then – we had LOTS of arguments. We do the best we can with the knowledge that’s available, and our own upbringing, and that’s all we can do. We don’t wish them away, we just wish for a few moments of quiet before it starts again.

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