WHEN FACEBOOKERS ATTACK by Leslie Marinelli In the Powder Room

When Facebookers Attack

Hey Facebook trolls: you can dish it out, but can you take it? Our Editor-in-Chief has a few choice words for you…

 

There was a photo going around Facebook last week of a mother posing with her four children presumably on the first day of school. The mom was jumping for joy in the air; the four backpack-clad kids were scowling (except for one, who was clearly trying not to laugh.)

The photo was “liked” and shared as though it were the cure for cancer.

But if you looked closer at the nearly ten thousand comments underneath the photo you would’ve seen something very unsettling churning below the surface—The Mommy Wars—yet again.

The vast majority of the comments were overwhelmingly positive: “Where is the LOVE button?” and “Yep, that was me last week!” for instance. But scattered between many approving quips were more than a few people, mostly women, expressing their disapproval of the mother in the photo.

The last time I wrote about The Mommy Wars I used humor to lighten the topic, poke fun at myself, and encourage a live-and-let-live attitude.

This time I’m not feeling quite so charitable or good-humored.

Frankly, I’m sick of Facebitches who clearly never learned the proverb “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Take Martha, who so condescendingly stated: “Sad in so many ways… When did children become a nuisance instead of a blessing? Some day your season of life as a mom will be over and you’ll wonder where all that time went.”

Really Martha? Well some day your season as a crotchety Facebook commenter will be over and you’ll wonder why your husband is banging your next-door neighbor. Don’t you have anything better to do besides rain on people’s parades?

Lucinda snipped: “Even if this is a staged joke the mother should be ashamed. I hear too many parents at my son’s school discuss their children like they are a burden. Maybe they should of really considered if parenting was for them before.” (sic)

Really Lucinda? Well maybe YOU should have considered that “should of” isn’t a phrase before you left such a judgmental and poorly constructed comment. I suggest you bone up on your grammar with some of the time you waste being such a snatch on Facebook.

A woman named Missy clucked: “How sad. We homeschool our children and consider it a blessing, joy and privilege to have them home with us. It is awesome to spend time with them and watch them learn!!”

Well isn’t that nice Missy. How wonderful for you!! (Double exclamation points all around-whooohoooo!) Hey, do you have any openings in your homeschool classroom? Just curious, because my children need some tutoring in spelling bee strategies and feeling superior to others.

Mary tsk-tsked: “If she is so happy to see them go, why did she bother having them in the first place?”

Lovely. You know what Mary? Go scoop your litter box and call me after you’ve had a human child or FOUR. It’s called satire. Look into it.

Listen Facebitches, it obviously doesn’t take much courage or brainpower to talk smack about some anonymous mother behind her back. You want to pick a fight? Bring your judgmental and grammar-challenged ass over to my Facebook page and I’ll show you what “Back-to-School” really means.

 

Leslie Marinelli is a writer, wife, mother of three, toilet humor aficionada, and transplanted Pittsburgher trapped in the suburbs of Atlanta. She’s the CEO and Editor-in-Chief of In the Powder Room, the creative force behind the award-winning tell-all mom blog, The Bearded Iris, and the editor and co-author of In the Powder Room’s hilarious bestselling anthology, “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

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  1. says

    Martha said “Some day your season of life as a mom will be over and you’ll wonder where all that time went.” I know where HER time went. It went to trolling on Facebook while her kids cried themselves to sleep.

  2. says

    Oh how I love thee…

    ” Hey, do you have any openings in your homeschool classroom? Just curious, because my children need some tutoring in spelling bee strategies and feeling superior to others.”

  3. says

    This is EVERYTHING that I want to say when I receive a nasty ass comment. But my husband takes away my laptop before I can put such poetic genius as this lovely piece out there into the cyber world. Who’s taking bets that no facebitch will attempt to come near this piece because it’s like holy water to crotchety facebook commenters?

    • Leslie Marinelli says

      Ha! Your husband sounds like a keeper. Holy water!!! Too funny. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. {THE POWER OF FACEBOOK COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF FACEBOOK COMPELS YOU!}

  4. says

    I’m not a parent, but even I can’t believe how absolutely evil some moms are against other moms. I can’t even read the comments on 90 percent of the posts because there’s always some moral mommy martyr defending the souls of suffering children forced to wander through Target with their moms, who are all doing it wrong. I’ve had my share of trolls, but good lord. There’s nothing like those women. In short? Step off, bitch.

  5. says

    Word.

    I hate people who don’t have the guts to say something to your face.

    (I was going to leave a longer, agreeable, more cleverly-worded comment, but I run the risk of misspelling something…and it doesn’t sound like I need you all up in my grill in that kinda mood!) 😉

    • Leslie Marinelli says

      Oh no! Don’t be afraid, Leigh! I’ll let you in on a little secret, if someone leaves a nice comment and there is a typo or misspelling? I always fix it behind the scenes because I want everyone here to look their very best. It’s a little OCD, but once an editor, always an editor.

  6. says

    Amen to this, sista! I wish this could be posted above every popular parenting site. The trolls are horrific on some of these sites.. I’ve been chewed up plenty of times and accused of being a horrible parent. Too many readers don’t get sarcasm and apparently are leading perfect lives with their perfect children. I need to refer to your post the next time it happens to me. This made my day, Leslie !

    • Leslie Marinelli says

      Thanks Marcia! Tell ya what I really think – I think that people who leave those judgy comments are actually hiding a deep dark secret and trying to make others feel less-than is their last hope for feeling better about themselves. They should probably be pitied more than anything, but it just feels so good to let ’em have it once in a while. Fuckers.

    • Mary says

      I posted a song from YouTube of a father & daughter (she was about 5 yrs. old) singing a song called “Home”. There is a mention of Jesus in the song( I’m old & can’t remember exactly) and of course there was a very pious woman who felt they were a disgrace for blasphemy and he was a shitty father. I told her Jesus would be so unhappy with her for being hateful towards a father and his child. Then I told her to F-off!
      Hypocrites piss me off!

  7. says

    BRAVA!!! We should not be backstabbing each other. We need to support one another. As for someone who can’t see the humor in the picture, that sister has much deeper issues than worrying about someone else’s First Day of School photo.

    • Leslie Marinelli says

      Holy shit, are you kidding me, Lisa?! That is deplorable. I’m surprised that comment was approved. I have no tolerance for that kind of ugliness. You don’t deserve that Lisa and you are not a shitty mom by any stretch of the imagination.

  8. says

    facebitches. HAHAHAHAHA.

    I don’t know why people do this. For fuck’s sake..I didn’t see the picture..but I’ve seen others like it…it’s JUST A PICTURE. Why are so many people just sitting around WAITING to bitch about something. Why??

    And any mother..whether it’s a mother of one or a mother of four…all mothers have moments when they are happy to NOT be around their kids. Any mother who says it’s a blessing to be around their spawn 24 hours a day 365 days a year…well…I’m calling liar, liar pants on fire….

    • Leslie Marinelli says

      YES! I totally agree, Michelle. I think women who need to prove to the world how HAPPY AND BLESSED they are all the damn time are probably just one bad Bunko roll away from starring on “Snapped.” Scary!

      • Lisa says

        Except they can’t play Bunco because (a) they might have a drinky-drink and that would be *wrong* and (b) if they played Bunco they would not be strapped to their precious cherubs for a few hours of Mommy Time.

        And, BTW, I need some time without my children to be a better mom when I’m with them. Kuddos to those who can be with their spouse and/or children for 365 24/7, but I don’t know how they do it.

        • Lisa says

          Oops. Kudos, not kuddos. I got my kudos and my kiddos mixed up. I’m not a FB troll. I am just super tired and can’t seem to spell correctly.

    • Katrina says

      I love all three of my grown children but I was the first to admit that I cried on the last day of school, not the first.

  9. says

    First, I see you just gave a #blessed comment. Now I know we’re kindred spirits. As if the snark in this excellent post didn’t speak volumes in that dept, that sarcastic hashtag sealed the deal. I’ve been doing a bunch of sassy #blessed posts on my FB page. What makes me laugh: when people don’t realize that I’m being sarcastic and they think I’m seriously thankful I found the match to my sock on the first try. Bwahahahaa!!

    Also–Why do trolls always have to use poor grammar???? Seriously … Makes. Me. Cray.

    • Leslie Marinelli says

      Oh hells yeah, sister. Those #blessed posts by people who are not trying to be funny absolutely KILL ME. I can’t help but make fun. :)

  10. says

    What in the hell is the matter with people? All those jerky assfaces tut-tutting about people who are happy to have their children doing perfectly normal things like going back to school? Need to get a grip on themselves and realize that parenting is tough all over the place and anywhere we can find a win, WE GET TO FIND A WIN. We survived summer and are sending the kids back to school? Yay! We survived the school year and get the kids back for the summer? Yay! We shipped our kids off to the grandfolks’ house so we can get drunk and pretend we’re trying for another baby? FRICKING YAY AND IF YOU DON’T WANNA YAY THEN STAY THE HECK AWAY.

    *ahem* I mean, well said. Great post. I’ll just be in the corner reading this again and high fiving my computer screen.

  11. says

    You can’t win with Facebitches. You either love them too little (WHY did you become a parent???!!! and six more !!!! cuz you suck that much!!) or you love them too much (Get a life! is what I get told at least once a month). On of the funniest things I ever saw about Facebitches said “You’re either a troll, or a good speller, but evidently you can’t be both at the same time.” hahahahahaha EXCEPT for the comments on the thread of “Yeah. Not so funny when your child is dyslexic!” You can’t win.

  12. says

    Off come the earrings. Facebitches indeed. We adopted our two kids from China…it was hard going. The first time I put a status update that suggested my little angles weren’t sleeping or sharing? BAM! “Well you asked for this.” and other such drivel.

    They are called MY SHOES for a reason, yo.

  13. says

    These trolls sit behind their computers feeling like the all powerful Oz. They would NEVER look you in the face or make eye contact w/ you. Discussing, appalling individuals. They should be ashamed of themselves.

    I’d like to find them and give those bitches and give them a piece of my mind. Seriously.

  14. Leigh says

    The funny thing, there were so many commercials before school started talking about who was more excited, the moms or the dads, that the kids were going back to school. A lot of these women have SUPER low self esteem and may lack something in their parenting skills that by putting some other mom down, they say to themselves “see I’m a good mom”. It’s sad but MEAN people will always be mean and that will eventually catch up to them!

    Great article! :)

    • Leslie Marinelli says

      Thanks Leigh! Yep. Mean people do suck. I think the difference here is that mean people can’t reply to television commercials…so comment threads on Facebook are their soapboxes.

  15. says

    Add my name to your list of fans, because I love you too. Seriously, when did we get so back bitey and nasty? And to quote Jon Cryer from (I think) “Pretty In Pink”: “It’s called ‘a sense of humor.’ You should get one. They’re nice.” (Confirmed, “Pretty in Pink.”) And yes, if you have nothing nice to say and/or if all you have to say is something smug and self-righteous, shut your pie hole.

    • Leslie Marinelli says

      “…shut your pie hole.” One of my all-time favorite expressions!

      Oh HEY – HI! You’re Orange and Silver! Someone mentioned you on my FB page the other day as one of their favorite blogs. So nice to meet you!

      • says

        I work it in whenever I can. And with four kids, that’s only about 7,944 times a day.

        Really? How cool! I didn’t realize my mom followed your FB page!

        Just kidding–that actually is very cool. And it’s nice to meet you too! I went over and liked your page, so I’ll see you over on the Facebook! (Especially since now I have to go figure out who that was :) ).

    • Leslie Marinelli says

      Ha! Maybe you’re just better at tuning out the assholes, Janel! Facebook is where I see the most egregious behavior, followed by the crackpots who comment at HuffPost (U.S. version).

  16. Michele says

    EVERY time someone posts a similar photo, it’s a bitch-fest in the comments. I don’t get it. I homeschool my kids, I’m a former school teacher and I understand satire. Remember that Staples commercial where the patents are skipping through the store buying school supplies to the tune of “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”? Damn funny commercial.

  17. says

    AMEN!!! I had a totally innocent piece featured on Scary Mommy that I honestly thought no one would care about, and it somehow escalated into how I must not really care about my child’s growth and development. Some people need to just grow up and get a sense of humor. But, I’ve found, that many people just aren’t capable. I also work for a blogger managing her social media. She gets people all the time just saying ugly things. I don’t get it. Shut your trap people. If you don’t like it, don’t read it! It’s as simple as that. I LOVED this and plan on sharing!! :)

    • Leslie Marinelli says

      Thank you so much Meredith. I’m sorry you had to experience all that ugliness. I guess that’s the price we bloggers pay for that level of exposure. Knowing Jill, the good of working with her far outweighed the bad of the stick-up-the-butt-trolls who don’t get her fantastic humor. Shut your trap people, indeed! Thanks for visiting!

  18. THERESA says

    I seriously think the facebitches wake up in the morning, piss in their own cheerios, then consult their magic 8 ball to ensure today is the day to be the biggest twatwaffle in the comment section.

  19. Mindy says

    Oh my! I could not have said it better myself. BUT if I had tried, the piece would have had the “F” word numerous times. Kiss my ass trolls!

  20. Kimberly says

    Beautifully stated! As a mom of 3 boys, I can relate to the joy of when they return to school! Hey let’s face it summer time isn’t fun especially if you’re a working parent and have to figure out how to pay for childcare. Yea I love my kids however they tick me off too and if your kids don’t tick you off, you might wanna look at your delusional thinking

  21. Jennifer S. says

    So is it wrong that I made my daughter take a picture of me on the 1st day of school? I’ve never jumped that high or smiled that big!

    Word to the facebitches, trolls, creepers to suck it!!!! Leslie, you are my new favorite person :)

  22. Christianna says

    Well cookies for the mothers who don’t have to work two jobs (after having a full time job and going to school full time) and have the time to be able to home school their children. I’m kinda busy working to pay for my daughter to go to dance class, buy her school uniforms, pay her tuition, pay rent and bills, and yes. I got very excited when my 7 year old went back to school so she could see her friends she was missing all summer long. Sorry dude. Doesn’t make any less of a mother, just a single one.

  23. Angela says

    Just think, their kids will grow up to be just like them (or they will be in therapy). Oh, our kids? Our kids will grow up laughing at their sorry asses. I bet their kitchens are freaking spotless, too. Bitches.

  24. Maria says

    I LOVE THIS!! I ALSO posted a picture of me jumping for joy in the background on my kids first day of school! I HATE Facebook Police! They are soo annoying!! Good thing most of my friends found the humor in it.. Now when my toddler left for her first day of school…I cried and cried and I was in a terrible mood and deep, deep sadness. I had a really bad case of separation anxiety..Lol! These people have no backbone and are just ridiculous with their comments, hiding behind their keyboards…psshh..To those people I say: Get back to your boring job with your evil coworkers and stop worrying about what other people are doing!!!

  25. Stephany says

    I too am a suburban ATL mom. I am currently surrounded by these Facebitches. Looking down their judgemental noses at anything outside of what they consider acceptable. You’ve hit the nail on the head with your exquisite responses. Brava! I am not yet so eloquent with my quips. I just give them the finger and tell them to pi$$ off. I promise to refine my retorts for future troll admonishing. I’ll even throw in a :) and !!! for good measure. You rock.

  26. Mikel Armstrong says

    Your article was amazing and spot on!! These Ass-hats, would NEVER have the courage to say this type of toxic spew face to face, Oh Hell NO, These self righteous twat waffles use social media to judge, condemn and crucify anyone. They probably have no kids at all and just jumped on the bandwagon to join the “Facebitch” Train. That picture was humor, pure and simple. The backlash she received was from a bunch of prudes!!!!

    BTW you make me laugh…Keep on, Keeping on!!

  27. Tricia says

    Just want to thank you for putting all that out there. Some people need to lighten up. Hell, my kid is 19 and in her second year of college and she still drives me to drink. And I still do the happy dance on the first day of achool. Lol!

  28. Beth says

    I AM that mom. I love you and your blog. All four of my kids thought it was hilarious and all cooperated for the obviously staged photo (which was a week before school actually started) . I am trying to figure out how to post my photo of it in these comments… :)

  29. K M says

    I have 2 teens, a boy and girl. I LOVE back to school. Lower grocery bill, electric bill and less mess to clean up. I know some Facebitches and the only thing I have to say is….I love my kids & they know it. I don’t give a rat’s ass what you think cuz I don’t need your approval. Oh, and the one thing I’ve noticed at least around where I live is the holier than thou bitches that home school and are basically helicopter parents, they are the ones that end up with troubled teens because the kids are sick of having mommy shoved up their butt!

  30. Jen says

    This. I read comments in cute little kid pics and cute little animal picks and there is ALWAYS some asshole who wants to suck the fun out of it. I totally love this. And why is it that the people who always want to post stuff about grammar cannot spell or form a correct sentence EVER?! Love this so much!

  31. Danyel says

    Mother of three, stepmother of two … BY CHOICE… We’re a damn good, damn busy, damn loud, damn intelligent, damn loving cloud of chaos. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. My patience and wallet at times want to pack and run away and sometimes mommy needs that nap. Like NOW. I love them home, and I’m also happy to see them go. They always know that home is where they are unconditionally loved and provided for physically, emotionally, fiscally and mentally. It’s also the place they will test their wings and fly and fall and fly again. We are that family. And your post is amazing. :)

  32. Crystal M. says

    Yes! This! My little corner of Mommy Hell is filled with these facebitches. It is a game here who can passive-aggressively post articles that condemn your latest comment, posting, photo, outfit, whatever…For this very reason I find all the “my kids are the reason I drink” type memes that I can. I wouldn’t want them to get bored now would I..Bahaha!

  33. Brian says

    although I am not a mom, I saw this on Facebook and had a great laugh. Leslie, you are epic and I can understand where you are coming from. To put it into perspective, posting any comment/pic in FakeBook is comparable to throwing a steak into a den full of hungry wolves. I look at it this way. Whatever I decide to post in MY facebook is my choice, right or wrong, and if people can’t give constructive criticism or have a laugh at it, then that’s tough crap. When I see the facebook trollers go at someone or myself, then the gloves come off. Mainly though I just laugh to myself maniacally and show them who is number one while posting these simple letters D.T.I.G.A.F (in case any reading wanna know what that is Don’t Think I Give A F…well you get the last one lol) They are just compensating for their weaknesses and such. They need to fix a big bowl of concrete flakes and harden the eff up. OK rant over and keep it up Leslie.
    From a light hearted Dad 😉

  34. Joe Erickson says

    Win and win. I thank you for posting this. This is amazing and exactly how I, and I’m assuming a lot of other parents, feel on the subject. Believe it or not, and you will, I’ve been told more times than I can count that I’m a horrible father. Why? Because I was playing a video game instead of spending time with my kids. Never mind that I was decided to go again society’s norms and be a stay at home dad for 7 years. Never mind that I spend more time with my kids in one year than a lot of parents spend with their kids before they are in High School. Never mind that my children are both advanced in education, speaking, writing and reading. Never mind that these people know jack shit about me and my family. So, again, thank you for putting out there what so many of us are feeling.

  35. Valerie Norris says

    Ha! If I weren’t trying to live out that “say nothing at all” proverb I’d quote you. Very funny! I laughed out loud, and I’m not an easy LOL-er.

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