I don’t give a crap what’s for dinner tonight, and neither should you. We as a society are drowning in choices, and I, for one, am out of air.
It drives my partner insane. “Just give me an idea of what you want for dinner,” he pleads. My answer: “I don’t care. You decide.”
It’s one of the most annoying things someone can say these days, and I’m guilty of saying it—all the time. And yet, hearing other people say the same makes me want to tie them up and subject them to Blacklist-style torture, until they eventually break and vow never to utter those vile words again.
The truth is, I don’t want to decide. YOU do it. I don’t care anymore.
My mother and I draw our “I don’t care, you decide” battle lines constantly. The problem is that both of us really don’t care. We once spent 27 minutes in front of a wall of yogurts, trying to decide on a flavor. There were just too many. We walked out without buying a single one.
It’s the paradox of choice—the existence of too many alternatives actually causing us to want less alternatives. Decision fatigue is real, people. An overabundance of options leads to poorer choices, decreased creativity, and overall unhappiness.
Billionaires and presidents have it figured out. Ask the most successful people you know why they wear the same thing every day, and stick to strict routines. It’s because they don’t have time to waste mulling over thousands upon thousands of necktie options.
Women, especially mothers, are also tired of the endless drivel of choice that demands their attention. “What’s for dinner?” turns into “What’s on TV tonight?” turns into “What pajamas should I wear to bed?” The drip-drip-drip of everyday decision-making drives them slowly but surely insane.
These choices are boring, these choices are pointless, and at the end of the day—no one cares. Your family doesn’t care if you’re serving quinoa or kale (they’ll probably hate both); your coworkers don’t care if you’re wearing aubergine or plum; you kids don’t care if you say “crap” or “crud.”
No one cares.
We see the paradox of choice in contemporary fiction, as well. Jane Austen’s female readers used to dream of the freedom to choose their careers and shape their own futures. E L James’s female readers now dream of finding controlling billionaire lovers and decision-making housekeepers who take choice right out of their hands. How times have changed.
Seriously, they have. Don’t believe me? Go ahead and put yourself in your favorite heroine’s shoes. Chances are her day is not filled with making decisions like whether Mrs. Meyers or 7th Gen is the superior line of cleaning product. The most successful modern-day heroines (I’m looking at you, Anastasia Steele) get everything we real-world folk work our asses off to achieve—success, wealth, freedom, and a soulmate—just by giving up their right to make boring choices.
Sign me up.
Fifty Shades of Grey wasn’t a hit because it celebrated bondage, embraced women’s rights, or stereotyped human weakness. It was a hit because that bitch didn’t have to decide what was for dinner.
That kind of freedom makes a few spankings worthwhile.
This original piece by Ashley Trexler was written exclusively for In the Powder Room, a division of Hold My Purse Productions, LLC. Featured image © depositphotos.com/sakkmesterke.